Author: Carl Weber

Carl Weber, is the owner and founder of Carl Weber Consulting, a consulting group that helps businesses, non-profits, and individuals understand themselves, hire and manage well, and become great leaders. Carl worked in local government for more than ten years, as the Town Administrator of a few towns in NH. Once upon a time he was a search and rescue swimmer for the US Navy. Carl holds Bachelors’ Degrees in Political Science & Community Development and a Master’s Degree in Public Policy. Carl is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Motivators Analyst (CPMA). Carl regularly teaches on human factors and the relationship of behavior and leadership styles, as well as motivation, coaching, leadership challenges, and failing as a leader. His passion is to help leaders in their lifelong journey to finish well, to combat and work with their inner voice, and to live a meaningful story worth reading. Carl lives in Southern New Hampshire with his wife Amanda and together they are raising a small tribe of four young (somewhat crazy) women with the goal of unleashing them on the world to change it for the better.

Plan With, Not Around

Posted on May 8, 2014 by Carl Weber

During a conversation with some friends at a local juice shop, we were talking about making time for various things.

Time to get together.

Time to ourselves.

Time to work on that book, project, or idea.

Time to give to other organizations.

Since the calendar is such a great way to plan, I spoke up with some advice about making and scheduling that time.

“Just put in on your calendar so you can plan around it.”

Immediately, another spoke up and provided a better phrase. A better mindset. A shift in thinking. The words provided the kind of shift that wakes you up, resonates, and changes your world.

“Put it on your calendar so you can plan WITH IT.”

To plan with these events incorporates them into our lives.

To plan around these events almost makes them separate from us, and more of a burden.

This idea hit home recently when trying to get time on the calendar with a couple that is close to us. The past months have felt more like trying to plan around everything else. Last night I was reminded of the juice shop conversation. We are going to pick some days and place them in the calendar. Not to plan around these events, but to plan with our lives.

Emotional Rickets

Posted on April 29, 2014 by Carl Weber

I think I have Emotional Rickets. (Bear with me on this one.)

During a recent conversation, I was explaining how certain situations cause an emotional response that is hard for me to regulate. Anger moves pretty fast, and there are times it catches me off guard.

According to Daniel Goleman, there are five hierarchical levels of emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness

2. Self-Regulation

3. Motivation

4. Empathy

5. Social Skills

I like to picture these five areas as going up steps, one at a time to reach the top. Mastering a prior step helps bring you to the next. Whenever I have an issue with one of these steps, I back up a step to see if there was something in a previous step area that would provide a clue the issue at hand. In this case, I was having an issue with Self-Regulation (step 2). That left only one step to return to: Self Awareness (step 1).

Rickets is a disorder caused by a lack of vitamin D, calcium, or phosphate. It leads to softening and weakening of the bones. Bones are not only are weaker, but have additional pain and tenderness.

So, Emotional Rickets is when you have a lack of some positive emotional events (and perhaps some negative ones) that leave you in a weakened state. In additional to weakness, you can add additional pain and tenderness from an emotional perspective.

I repeat, I think I have Emotional Rickets.

This revelation seemed to help, suddenly I could picture the issue.

If my legs were injured, I would not run as hard.

If my arms were injured, I would not lift as often.

If my back was injured, I would not move around as much.

For some reason, I was expecting my brain and emotions to respond to events as if there were no prior injury, no prior events, no limitations. As if it were strong.

(Image Courtesy of blogs.hawkeyecollege.edu)

But my Emotional Rickets require me to be much more aware of my limits. I may need to work harder than others to achieve the same results. I will be sore, and will not want to go again. I may need more rest and recovery time after each event.

In time, I hope to strengthen this area. I do not kid myself about the amount of work and time it may take to do make even small gains. Progress will require some discipline and work.

Where have you had Emotional Rickets? Where have you been left in a tender and weakened state? Where has this hindered relationships or caused issues? Maybe a little progress in this area for all of us could really change the world.

New Experiences and Bucket Lists

Posted on April 23, 2014 by Carl Weber

During a recent dinner conversation, the topic moved to bucket lists. Not everyone (me included) has a bucket list. Bucket lists are about trying new experiences. Experiences that are important enough to try in our lifetime.

Sometimes we don’t want to make a list. (Just one more thing that feels like work or the potential to fail when we don’t accomplish something.)

Sometimes it is scary to write down these items. (What if I cannot do it, what if it requires me to overcome fear?)

Sometimes we think we are too [insert your own self-limiting description here] to make a list. (We are too old, scared, busy, etc.)

Sometimes we live through other people’s lists. (I can join them or not, but not create or plan for my own.)

Sometimes we think about these new experiences, but the distance between thinking and doing can be a very long journey. (Dreaming is great, but doing is so much work.)

One of my favorite bloggers/bucket list enthusiast is Christine Barba. I have enjoyed reading her list and it provided the right inspiration for my own list.

I have started my list. One of my goals this year is to finish the list.

One bucket list item has been to attend a TED and TEDx event.

Looks like I can cross this off my bucket list.

Bucket lists require risk. Bucket lists require us to stretch ourselves.

Do you have a bucket list? Maybe it is worth spending a few moments to write down a few today. Don’t wait. Feel free to share your top three items with us in the comments section?

Is it Dan?

Posted on April 18, 2014 by Carl Weber

(Image Courtesy of http://www.comedybunker.co.uk)

I got together with some friends I met during a regional leadership program to serve a local non-profit a few months ago. The day was spent mostly covering ourselves (and some of the walls) with paint, and catching up with each other.

While painting one particularly difficult area, we had four of us cramped in a small stairwell. Having resigned to have paint all over, my new quest became just to simply not step in the tray filled with paint.

The small space was a great time to talk, laugh, and catch up. Somehow we got on the topic of servicing our cars. I started to share a story.

Oh, you should go where we go. The same guy has been servicing our cars for over a decade.

Ok, but why should I go there?

No, you don’t get it. This is service like I have never experienced. I can call and get my cars right in. He always calls when the car is ready, and if there is going to be a delay. The price is always good, and if there is a way to save a little, he makes good recommendations as well.

There was a pause.

Is it Dan?

Yes, yes it is.

I figure it had to be. I have been going to him as well and feel the same way. Amazing service.

About seven years ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. We started talking about our cars. The conversation moved to service. I started to share my story.

We have been going to this one place for about three years now. They really take care of our cars, but there is this one guy who really seems to take an interest in making sure our cars are well cared for and safe.

Is it Dan?

This was the first time it happened. Seven years later it is still happening. People from different cities and different circles, all ask the same question: Is it Dan?

Every time I teach a class on customer service, I tell this story. Many ask me where Dan is, and if he really exists.

The story is true, he does exist. Maybe I changed his name, but that is not what matters. Something else matters. Are we providing a level of service that is memorable in our roles, our jobs, and our lives?

Are we providing service that is memorable enough that when someone tells someone else about it (and they will tell others), they cannot help but ask one question:

Is it [insert your name here]?

Hard Choice Ahead

Posted on April 7, 2014 by Carl Weber

(Images created on roadtrafficsigns.com)

The interview went well. They answered the questions. They were hired. After a few months their performance begins to fade.

You hear from a few people around the office that deadlines are missed. Others are covering the work that is not getting done.

A few of your peers come and talk to you about the issues and what you are doing to correct the problems.

Your boss sends you an email asking about your department’s performance.

There were signs.

Looking back you may be able to see them.

Unfortunately, signs don’t always show up along our journey with bright colors and with enough repetition so they cannot go unnoticed. Failing to see the earlier signs prevented corrective action.

Maybe it was a relationship. Maybe it was a project that has not taken off. The specifics are yours to fill in.

Missing the earlier signs tends to result in one final sign: Hard Choice Ahead.

The choice won’t be easy.

But it needs to be done.

The choice will have consequences.

But it will bring the resolution.

Maybe next time we will become more attuned to watching for those earlier signs.

I Will Be There Someday

Posted on March 31, 2014 by Carl Weber

(Image Courtesy of Angryjogger.com)

Coaching someone is an interesting adventure. You are trying to help someone develop themselves, establish and accomplish their goals, and encourage them when the journey becomes difficult. A typical coaching session includes checking in and checking up on any progress since the last session.

Progress can be slow.

Progress can be hard.

Progress is about making a repeated effort, over and over again.

Having someone else check in with you can be helpful.

Having someone else check in with you can be frustrating.

Sometimes there is great progress. Sometimes progress is slow. Sometimes obstacles get in the way. When checking in, you can sense when progress has been slow by the tension during the meeting. There is a quiet hesitation as you begin to ask questions.

When frustration builds, answers sort of blurt out.

“I will be there someday…”

Those words told a story. A story of frustration at how steep the journey had become. A story where each subsequent step was harder than the last. A story that felt endless when trying to envision the top of those stairs when standing at the bottom.

Those words told another story. A story with a little hope. A story that needed to rest between steps. A story that needed to remember to occasionally look back, and see that each step was one step closer to the top. A story that despite the hardship, still believed that “I will be there someday.”

Where has your journey become steep? Where has the progress slowed or stopped?

Maybe today is a good day to remind yourself to take that next step, and remember that YOU will be there someday.

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