Too Expensive, Too Costly

(Image Courtesy of Pixabay.com)

“They said I was too expensive.”

It happens.

In the world of consulting, coaching, helping, serving, and assisting others you are going to be rejected.

People reach out, they need help.

You carefully craft a plan, program, event, or system.

You send that thing you created into the world.

You may or may not hear from them right away.

Sometimes they say No.

Sometimes they blame the price.

“It was too expensive. It was too costly.”

The first temptation is to lower your cost. “Did I charge too much?”

But your time, your talents, your efforts are valuable.

There is some truth to what they said.

It was going to cost them.

The cost of being accountable.

The cost of stretching beyond their normal pattern or rut.

The cost of doing the hard work, over and over again until they get results.

The cost of making sacrifices to change their current situation.

Maybe they were not ready because the cost was too high.

Rejection can be hard.

Don’t give up.

Keep consulting, coaching, helping, serving, and assisting others.

Keep creating plans, programs, events, and systems.

Your tribe, your group, and your people know that the change they desire will be expensive and it will be costly. They also recognize the true cost is their sacrifice and hard work, and they are willing to pay that price.

Back to Weird

We are all a little weird.

We have weird little hang-ups, issues, perspectives, routines, methods, ideas, or mannerisms.

We see the world in a different way that feels weird to the average person.

We were told to try to be more normal. To go with the crowd.

We were compared to the average.

We were encouraged to be more like someone else.

We stopped doing that weird thing.

We stopped having those weird ideas.

We stopped that weird belief that we could make a difference, make an impact, make the world a better place.

Sometimes we get shaken up.

Something happens to shift our world.

We start to long for our lives to return to normal.

Sometimes normal feels like the easy or safe option.

Am I trying to get back to normal?

Nope, back to weird.

A Little Friendly Research (My Turn)

I asked you a series of questions, and your answers appeared in the last 7 posts. Your answers were vulnerable, honest, funny, serious, and clever. Your answers inspired questions, discussions, and honest conversations about friends, and friendships. Your answers inspired some actions, as friends connected, reached out, answered phone calls, and actions became a little more deliberate and focused.

I wondered about how to end this series, and a few of you suggested that I weigh in on those same 9 questions.

So, it is my turn.

Question 1: What are the best attributes of your good friends?

They are intentional. They reach out. They call me, text me, and email me. They initiate as well as respond. They seem to have this internal counter that knows when too many moments, hours, days, or weeks have passed and the alarm goes off and they remember to connect.

Question 2: Do you think friendship is hard? Why or why not?

Friendship seemed easier in elementary school when you walked with the same person every day to school, then goofed around every weekend together on little adventures in the woods and on the pond. Friendship seemed easier when you were on a ship and saw them everyday for 6 months, and ate, slept, and worked together. Friendship seemed easier in college when you were in that crappy little apartment waiting for your paychecks so you could actually buy meat at the store.

Friendship seemed to get harder in the next stage of life. New jobs, new cities, new neighborhoods, new kids, and new distances between all of them.

Friendship is getting easier and harder at the same time in this current stage. My expectations have grown as the years have passed. What satisfied this need to connect years ago, doesn’t seem like enough. I have more time for friends then a decade ago, but some of them don’t have the same time available to me. The number of friends “goal” has been replaced with a depth of friendship “goal” which I recently realize is a much harder prize to attain.

Question 3: What do you expect from a friend?

Balance and equity in the long-run. I may need something from them for a season, but I want to find a season to give back as well. They shouldn’t be the only one to initiate connection, I want to call them, text them, email them, or reach out as well. I need that same little internal counter in my head that reminds me that too much time, distance, or life has gone by and I need to take action.

This question caused me to wrestle the most. I fear my expectations may be causing interference with some friends because my expectations may be higher, and unspoken.

There is tension expectation. How do we learn to give freely, and not be taken advantage of? When do you give? When do you need? How do you measure balance and equity?

No great answers, yet the wrestling seems like a good thing for me to work on.

Question 4: How much time in a given week do you think about your friendships?

A LOT! Until I read your responses, I thought I was a bit of an outlier (well I may still be). There was comfort to know that I am not the only one who thinks about this pretty often.

My mind wanders towards friends and friendship throughout my entire day. The morning computer/writing time, the commute, at random times each day, lunchtime, afternoon coffee, closing time, the other commute, dinnertime, vegging out time, before I sleep (you get the idea).

Bottom line, if you are my friend, I think about you a lot.

Question 5: What are your best attributes as a friend?

I care about you. I think about you. I connect with you. I am here when you need something (yes that has included the occasional furniture moving). I invest in you. I want you to succeed. I have hope for you. I find time for you. I love you.

Question 6: If you could say one thing to your friends that would help explain what you need from them, what would you say?

Be real. Be present. Be available. Be my friend.

Question 7: How many close friends would you say you have?

Nine.

Question 8: Anything else you would like to share?

Yes. This process, this journey has helped me understand friends and friendship in a new way. Your responses have helped shape me and I don’t want this journey to end.

Earlier this week I was teaching a class and we talked about leadership. One participant mentioned that leadership has an expiration date. In other words, if you are not exercising those skills, they expire, go bad, and become rotten.

I think this applies to friendships as well.

Question 9: In 10 words or less, what advice would you give the World about friendships?

Intention. Balance. Mindful. Time. Hope. Connect. Remember. Savor. Initiate. Love.

 

Make Something Scary Cool

A simple goal.

Make Something.

An idea, a concept, business, service, book, blog, website, or product.

A simple criteria.

Scary Cool.

Scary – A push beyond easy. This Something may require movement through fear, doubt, and insecurity to excitement and exhilaration.

CoolSomething beyond the ordinary that is exciting and worth buying, investing in, partnering with, telling others about, or purchasing.

Go. Create. Start.

Make Something Scary Cool.

We are all waiting.

 

Disqualified

 

Disqualified

You were not good at math. You were easily distracted. You got an F. You got more than one F. You lost your temper. You messed up. You lost the account. You didn’t get into college. You didn’t tell the whole story. You said the wrong thing. You didn’t lose the weight. You were a bad friend. You got fired. You spoiled the party. You quit the team. You stopped calling. You didn’t get science. You made the mistake. You struggled with[insert name here].

Sometimes events make us draw conclusions. We were not good at math therefore we will never be good at math. We spoiled the party, therefore we will always spoil the party, so we should not be invited. We quit the team, therefore we are a quitter. We struggle with a pattern of behavior, therefore we will never overcome.

But worse than giving up, we become disqualified.

Disqualified is when the past is allowed to remove you from future opportunities, growth, or development.

Disqualified is a limitation on our potential.

Disqualified is keeping us from making a difference.

Disqualified is when struggles keep you from helping others.

Disqualified is a lifetime ban.

But, maybe there is no Disqualified status.

Maybe we misunderstood the value of the journey, the struggle, and the failure.

Maybe the fact that we struggle, fail, quit, mess up, and lose are the very things that qualify us to make an impact.

Maybe others need to know that we struggle as well.

Maybe we can learn, grow, develop, and be.

Maybe the future is wide open.

Maybe we are qualified.

Home Planet

You meet.

You start to talk.

You try to explain some weirdness.

They nod.

They totally get it.

They totally get you.

You connect so quickly.

You feel so understood.

They speak as if in your native language.

They understand the perspective, the weirdness, and the challenges.

It is almost as if, as a good friend of mine says…

“They are from my Home Planet.”

They are out there.

You can find them.

They are from your Home Planet.

P.S. Remind them of their impact when you find them.

Sung Heroes

It was a simple label on that bottle.

Just two words.

Unsung Heroes.

A spark of an idea.

Why do heroes go unsung?

Heroes make a difference.

Heroes make an impact.

Yet we do not sing.

Heroes reach out in our time of need.

Heroes care about us.

Yet we do not sing.

Heroes influence and change our world.

Heroes take the time to reach out.

Yet we do not…

Maybe we can change.

Maybe we can open our voices.

We can sing.

We can express gratitude and appreciation.

How about a new category: Sung Heroes.

Sung Heroes know the impact and influence in our lives.

Sung Heroes know how much we appreciate them.

Sung Heroes are encouraged to continue their journey as Heroes.

Here is my first attempt:

“Thank you for the time you spend. Thank you for the time you lend. You have been strong for me, unwavering like the branches of a strong tree. You have helped change the world for good, sometimes with something as simple as leaving me feeling understood. You are my sung hero. Yes, my sung hero.”