They pulled me aside during the break. We were just talking about giving feedback and showing appreciation to others. They stayed at their table while everyone else got up for the break and snacks.
“Can I share something with you?”
I came in a little closer, my mind racing to replay the last few minutes to see if I said anything weird.
“You talked about providing sincere feedback and appreciation. Making sure that it is not a superficial ‘drive-by’. I just realized that I was taught to do this in college, and have been providing this my whole career.”
They studied physical education. They were taught a method of feedback. It was intended to help young children with basic early skills.
In order to pass this class, they were timed and had to provide 5 quick positive feedbacks, before they could provide 1 redirecting ones. They were filmed and each positive had to be different but quick.
Way to go.
You could do this better.
They didn’t realize it but had been following this method for more than 20 years.
They saw that their feedback was systematic not sincere.
They realized that this scattering of seemingly shallow praise was not hitting the target.
They were well intentioned, but needed to change.
They didn’t even realize the pattern they formed.
What feedback patterns are you caught in?
How has systematic replaced sincerity?
Over the next few posts we will tackle a few ways to provide feedback and appreciation.
Until then, start to notice your own pattern.