Tag: our words

Plan With, Not Around

Posted on by Carl Weber

Plan With, Not Around

During a conversation with some friends at a local juice shop, we were talking about making time for various things.

Time to get together.

Time to ourselves.

Time to work on that book, project, or idea.

Time to give to other organizations.

Since the calendar is such a great way to plan, I spoke up with some advice about making and scheduling that time.

“Just put in on your calendar so you can plan around it.”

Immediately, another spoke up and provided a better phrase. A better mindset. A shift in thinking. The words provided the kind of shift that wakes you up, resonates, and changes your world.

“Put it on your calendar so you can plan WITH IT.”

To plan with these events incorporates them into our lives.

To plan around these events almost makes them separate from us, and more of a burden.

This idea hit home recently when trying to get time on the calendar with a couple that is close to us. The past months have felt more like trying to plan around everything else. Last night I was reminded of the juice shop conversation. We are going to pick some days and place them in the calendar. Not to plan around these events, but to plan with our lives.

 

The Cost of Free

Posted on by Carl Weber

FreeRecently, someone was describing a difficult relationship. This is no ordinary difficult relationship, but one with someone who is deeply connected with this person.

They have a long history.

It has been difficult.

They still have to interact on a regular basis.

To make matters worse, the other person offers things for FREE. Since these things are typically valuable, there is an incentive to accept these FREE items or events.

As this person described the situations, conversations, or interactions leading up to these FREE offerings, something became abundantly clear.

These offers were anything but FREE.

The COST OF FREE was significant to this person, their family, and those close to them.

The COST OF FREE to this person was in the emotional stress and obligations that these FREE offerings came with after the fact. They became indebted to this other person.

The COST OF FREE to their family was the toll the stress had on their ability to connect with them during these difficult times, and the time away that the other person would eventually require as payment.

The COST OF FREE to those close was also in the form of stress, but also the inability to have the time to connect because they owed someone else their time, energy, and creativity.

I encouraged this person to calculate the COST OF FREE from now on and compare it to the value of what was being offered. Before this, they just saw the value of what was being offered and felt the obligation to say YES.

Now they can calculate the COST OF FREE and if that cost outweighs the offer, they can say NO.

Have you considered the COST OF FREE? Maybe it is time count the cost.

You may find a way to FREE yourself.

The Optimism Zone

Posted on by Carl Weber

optimistic2

(Image Courtesy of Real Balance Wellness)

Soccer, youth travel soccer to be specific, now fills most of our days. Practices fill the week. Games fill the weekend.

Each week we are surrounded by increased skills, increased playing ability, and an increased level of teamwork.

Each week something else has also increased: the negativity of the spectators.

Negativity creeps in, when something doesn’t go the right way. At first negativity is hard to notice, and it may begin as disappointment.

The collective “OH NO, TOO BAD” when a goal is missed, turns into “UGH.”

The “GOOD TRY” becomes “WHY DIDN’T YOU MAKE THAT PLAY.”

About a week ago, the negativity became so loud during the game that it made my emotional glass cloudy. For hours after that game, I had the kind of emotional hangover that lasted for more than a few hours.

At the next day’s game, we set up early and made a declaration:

“This area right here (pointing to the imaginary large circle surrounding our folding chairs) is a declared Optimism Zone. If you feel the need to be negative, you need to go someplace else.”

For the first few minutes of the game we had to remind others a few times.

“As a reminder, you are in the Optimism Zone, all statements and comments should reflect that, if not, you should find another area to sit.”

The game, the comments, and our experience improved dramatically. We were returning to positive comments, and encouraging remarks.

The original negativity comes partly from how much these parents, friends, and family care about the players and how much they want them to succeed, and to win.

What began as coaching, became tearing down. What began as cheering, became criticism. Once negativity becomes the dominant way to express emotions, it slowly becomes the only channel.

Our attitudes and emotional state are contagious.

Perhaps we could all use an Optimism Zone to recalibrate our interactions.

Finding Your Voice

Posted on by Carl Weber

speed_bumps_kill_earth

(Image Courtesy of Autoblog.com)

When working with a fairly large team of leaders one dominant trait was clear. This team drove hard for results, and wanted to accomplish numerous projects and tasks. The intensity manifested itself during their meetings. In between numerous cross-conversations and interruptions, ideas were discussed, challenged, and hashed out.

If you had an idea, you had to defend it.

If you had a suggestion, you had to sell it.

If you had an objection, you had to voice it.

But, there were other members of this team. Team members who did not share the same dominant drive. In meetings, these team members remained silent. They had no voice at the table.

One of the “silent ones” pulled me aside after the session. We talked about finding their voice amongst the team and the challenges associated with speaking up.

“Your voice is important on this team, and you need to find ways to speak up, especially if you have concerns.”

“That is great for you to say, but I think this team just views me as a speed bump on their road to progress.”

After a few moments of stunned silence, a plan developed. We agreed that during the next meeting, this “silent one” would find their voice, stand up, and speak (shout) out the following statement:

“Speed bumps save lives!”

And they did.

After the initial disruption, a brief explanation, and a few laughs, the dominant team members stopped and listened. The “silent one” found their voice, and offered their insight into the project.

Months later, the team dynamic has shifted. More members have found their voices, and the dominant ones are learning to slow down, listen, and even occasionally ask:

“Are there any speed bumps we should know about?”

Finding your voice, in your organization, meeting, or workplace may require a bold step, but being heard is well worth the effort.

It’s Running Itself

Posted on by Carl Weber

You have an idea. You are excited. You tell others. You may even have a plan.

Then something happens. You walk away, and assume that they are implementing your idea, your vision, and your plan. In your mind, “it’s running itself.” Your work is complete, because you not only came up with an amazing idea, your inspired them so uniquely that their motivation, their loyalty, and their efforts were completely aligned with your vision. You did your part, now it is in their hands. You move on to the next big idea.

Don’t hear this wrong. Big ideas are great. We should dream, we should develop ideas, but sometimes the idea or coming up with a vision of what you would like to do, be, or accomplish is the easy part. The more difficult part is making your idea happen. Implementing your vision takes discipline and hard work. Working hard at the daily tasks needed to make your dream a reality is not glamorous.  You have to make sacrifices, and you may even fail.

Discipline can seem overwhelming but you can start small, with just a few minutes each day.  You may be surprised where it takes you, and those around you who usually are tasked with trying to implement your big idea may breathe a sigh of relief.

insertfunnydomainname.com

Posted on by Carl Weber

I mentioned a while ago about my habit of calling a few friends on the way to work. These morning calls provide us with a way to keep “the cup” away from our homes, and give us some time to connect and process out our lives together.  Unfortunately we do not always connect and have to leave a voicemail.

With one friend in particular I have developed a habit.  For some reason (perhaps because they know it’s me calling) I get their voicemail more often than not.  After listening to their voicemail message over and over, and hearing them say that can also be reached at their email at blahblahblah@domainname.com, I had a funny idea.

Instead of simply leaving a message, my quest was to come up with a funny domain name back to them when I called after the beep.

It goes something like this:

Beep.

Hi, this is

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

and I am sorry I missed you.  Call me back or you can reach me at my email

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

We would laugh and developing these domain names became a way for us to essentially explain why we were calling or what we needed in a few short words.

Hi, this is Carl@Iamabadfriendwhonevercallsback.com give me a call soon.

Sorry I missed you, this is Carl@whatthehellwereyouthinking.com you’d better call right away!

Hey, Carl@feelingprettystressedatwork.com call right away!

The funny domain names helped us say a little about how we were feeling, or at times what we needed from each other.  Sometimes they were less funny and more of a clue that we needed something deeper.  Reflecting on this, I wonder…what is your domain name?  What story would it tell about you for us to know your real situation or circumstance without the normal filtered approach to our conversations.  Maybe it would help if we knew this about each other and ourselves.

you@tooafraidtoactoraskforhelp.com

you@takingontheworldtoday.com

you@justtakingitonedayatatime.com

you@wonderingifmydreamsarestillpossible.com

Go ahead and reply with your domain name today.  Who knows, just putting it out there may help it become a reality.