Category: Our Words

The Inspirational Ones

Posted on by Carl Weber

Sunrise Inspiration

You know the ones.

The ones that encourage you.

The ones that build you up.

The ones that can see your energy and passion.

The ones that you look forward to seeing and connecting with.

The ones that meet you for breakfast and leave you thinking you can accomplish anything.

The ones that say “Wow” when they see your work.

They are the Inspirational Ones.

Remember to thank them for the role they play in your life.

But don’t just rely on them to be the ones who inspire others.

You too can be one of the Inspirational Ones.

Encourage.

Build Up.

See Energy and Passions.

Connect.

Meet.

Say Wow!

Give it a try today, it may just Change the World.

Reclaiming (y)our Life

Posted on by Carl Weber

Listening to people can be revealing. If you listen (really listen), people will tell you a lot about themselves. Listen to the story they are telling. Listen to the one that they may not know they are telling.

While connecting at a conference, a story came to light.

“Carl, glad to hear that all the girls are doing well, still hard to believe your kids are that old, because you are so much younger.”

During the same conversation, we began to talk about running. I extended an invite to run with our group later that day.

“I am running more, but I am so old compared to you guys. I could never keep up.”

And later that day.

“Since I am so much older, I don’t have the same energy I used to.”

The real story was pretty clear.

As the group run was finishing, this person was finishing their run (ironically we all finished at the same time) and we were all standing in the lobby. I had a choice. Should I let their story continue or was there an opportunity to engage in this storyline?

“You know I couldn’t help but notice how much of your dialogue is about your age, how old you are, especially compared to others.”

“Is it that obvious?”

We reviewed our earlier conversations and that pattern that was previously hidden from them became clear.

“I didn’t realize how many times I said it.”

“Why do you think you are so defined by your age?”

“I think that so much of my life was defined by the roles that I have played: spouse, parent, and professional, that now I feel that I am trying to reclaim my life.”

“What do you mean reclaiming your life?”

“There are few decades of my life that went by so fast, and I was so focused on others, that I lost myself.”

We continued to talk. I could relate to this feeling of losing yourself when the demands of life, work, family, and career are competing to define us. We also talked about the role that these words are playing in the current reality. How the focus on age, and being older in some ways is not helping. Those words are trying to create a new limiting definition.

We agreed on two things:

1. We would be more aware of any self-limiting dialogue.

2. We would continue this journey of reclaiming our life and check in once in a while on the progress.

As we were about to part ways, I couldn’t help but ask one more question.

“How old are you anyway?”

It turns out that their perception of some vast age gap between us, was only four years.

Here are a few pieces of advice.

1. Listen. Listen to those around you, and your own words. How are you shaping your future reality by the word you use? What stories are you and others really telling?

2. Reclaim. Identify areas where you need to reclaim your life. What are those things that you had hoped to do, but your roles got in the way?

Keep me/us posted on your progress either in the comments section or via email on the contact me page.

(P.S. Just last night I read this story which may help all of us realize what is still possible, despite our age. And I thought running into our 80’s was possible…)

Good Lost None Bad

Posted on by Carl Weber

Good, Lost, None, and Bad

For some reason, I have been thinking about the hierarchy of certain things. Thinking about how to classify particular relationships, friends, jobs, bosses, employees, customers, and connections in a way that brings perspective.

Good describes things that are positive and contribute to you and your wellbeing.

Lost describes things that were once Good, but have left or been removed from your life.

None describes things that have never been part of your life.

Bad describes things that are negative and erode your life.

Why do we need this hierarchy?

Frankly, Good is easy. If all of our things fell into this category the rest of the list would not be needed. We would be and have good parents, friends, relationships, employees, bosses, and customers. By classifying the Good, at least we have something to strive towards.

The Lost, None, and Bad is where things can become less clear.

Lost can be hard. We had it: a marriage, a parent, a relationship, a friend, a job, a boss, or a customer. It was Good, now it has been Lost. The temptation is to classify this as Bad. A Lost parent, boss, friend, or employee is much better than a Bad one. We were able to experience the Good. We feel grief because it was Lost. Despite being Lost, we have the memories and experiences of what was once Good.

None is tricky. None may masquerade as Bad. Not having that parent, relationship, friend, job, or customer actually feels Bad. But None is not the same as Bad. None has plenty of its share of emptiness and loneliness, but that is a far cry from the negative destruction that Bad can bring.

Bad at first glance is easy. Bad encompasses all of the negative and harmful things. However, Bad is not satisfied with being at the bottom of this hierarchy. Bad wants you to believe that there are only two classifications: Good and Bad. Bad wants a more simple definition: If this thing is not Good (all the time and consistently and forever), it is Bad.

A Lost [parent, job, relationship, spouse, employee, customer, or boss] is better than None.  None is not actively destructive like a Bad [parent, job, relationship, spouse, employee, customer, or boss].

Does having a few ways to classify these things be helpful? How could separating out the Lost and the None from the Bad provide some additional peace or freedom?

Not all events that you currently face, or that shaped and define you are Bad.

Bad likes to take all the credit.

As we strive for more Good in life, don’t let Bad fool you into thinking that Bad is all that remains. Sometimes Lost, and even None, are not so Bad when they are in perspective and in their respective hierarchy.

Plan With, Not Around

Posted on by Carl Weber

Plan With, Not Around

During a conversation with some friends at a local juice shop, we were talking about making time for various things.

Time to get together.

Time to ourselves.

Time to work on that book, project, or idea.

Time to give to other organizations.

Since the calendar is such a great way to plan, I spoke up with some advice about making and scheduling that time.

“Just put in on your calendar so you can plan around it.”

Immediately, another spoke up and provided a better phrase. A better mindset. A shift in thinking. The words provided the kind of shift that wakes you up, resonates, and changes your world.

“Put it on your calendar so you can plan WITH IT.”

To plan with these events incorporates them into our lives.

To plan around these events almost makes them separate from us, and more of a burden.

This idea hit home recently when trying to get time on the calendar with a couple that is close to us. The past months have felt more like trying to plan around everything else. Last night I was reminded of the juice shop conversation. We are going to pick some days and place them in the calendar. Not to plan around these events, but to plan with our lives.

 

I Will Be There Someday

Posted on by Carl Weber

long-stairs-225x300

(Image Courtesy of Angryjogger.com)

Coaching someone is an interesting adventure. You are trying to help someone develop themselves, establish and accomplish their goals, and encourage them when the journey becomes difficult. A typical coaching session includes checking in and checking up on any progress since the last session.

Progress can be slow.

Progress can be hard.

Progress is about making a repeated effort, over and over again.

Having someone else check in with you can be helpful.

Having someone else check in with you can be frustrating.

Sometimes there is great progress.  Sometimes progress is slow. Sometimes obstacles get in the way. When checking in, you can sense when progress has been slow by the tension during the meeting. There is a quiet hesitation as you begin to ask questions.

When frustration builds, answers sort of blurt out.

“I will be there someday…”

Those words told a story. A story of frustration at how steep the journey had become. A story where each subsequent step was harder than the last. A story that felt endless when trying to envision the top of those stairs when standing at the bottom.

Those words told another story. A story with a little hope. A story that needed to rest between steps. A story that needed to remember to occasionally look back, and see that each step was one step closer to the top. A story that despite the hardship, still believed that “I will be there someday.”

Where has your journey become steep? Where has the progress slowed or stopped?

Maybe today is a good day to remind yourself to take that next step, and remember that YOU will be there someday.

 

The No Strings Attached Apple Crisp

Posted on by Carl Weber

apple-crisp

A few months ago I made apple crisp for a team that I serve on at work. The apple crisp was partly to celebrate our accomplishment, partly because I love a good apple crisp, and partly because they totally guilted me into making it. (I made one for another team and this team got jealous, but that is another story.)

We consumed most of that crisp, with many having two or three helpings.

Some apple crisp remained.

In order to be able to clean the baking pan, I called another co-worker and offered the remaining apple crisp.

“Hey, I made this apple crisp, it is really good. Do you want some?”

Long pause…

“I guess so…but what do you need?”

I was a little stunned at the reply. I had to regroup.

“I don’t need anything, you see I made this for this particular team, and we had extra and I thought of you.”

Another long pause…

“Ok, but seriously, do you need something from me?”

Eventually the crisp was delivered. A cautious first bite, followed by a second and a third. As I left their office, the suspicion remained.

A few weeks later, I stopped by that office again (not because I needed anything). It was then that the real story came out.

At a company prior to this, if someone did something for you, it was not simply a gesture of goodwill. There were strings attached. Receiving from others created an obligation for you.

Nothing was free. Everything came with a price.

Maybe what we all need is a little more no strings attached apple crisp.

Try it out. Do something for others without expecting something in return. It may be awkward at first because of the expectation of strings from those around you.

Let us all know how it goes. Next time I may try cookies.