Category: Making a Difference

Will This Make It Into Your Blog? (and other interesting questions)

Posted on by Carl Weber

For those of you keeping count, this is blog post #160. This blog is about to turn three years old, so why not answer a few frequently asked questions as we approach this milestone. We celebrated the 100th post milestone with the 100 lessons learned, so today we move to your questions.

#1. Will this make it into your blog? (Typically when we are in the middle of a conversation and you say something interesting and/or embarrassing.)

Maybe. That is one hazard of being in a relationship (personally or professionally with me). If I do use it, I typically will ask you first and sometimes make it generic enough so that only you and I will know it is about you. Some people seem horrified at the thought of making it into this blog, while others welcome the idea. Don’t worry, we can still hang out either way.

#2. How do you come up with ideas for the blog?

I simply live life and try to notice things that happen all around us. The idea may be a phrase someone says, or some lingering concept after a meeting, or something I am wrestling with either personally, or some idea or issue that comes up when consulting with or coaching others.

#3. Do you have a process for keeping track of ideas?

I didn’t at first. Writing down ideas help, and I have moved to keeping a list on my phone and computer where I can jot down simple concepts or phrases that may need to be fleshed out later. These ideas kind of float out there for a while and finally land at the most interesting times. Before I kept a list, I would have great ideas that never materialized because I would forget them.

#4. Why do you write a blog?

As someone who presents a lot, writing has been that other discipline that I have always wanted to do and a blog is a good way to start. Blogs are also a great way to spread ideas and meet new people. My goal is to post about once a week, so if you haven’t heard from me in more than a week, feel free to check in.

#5. Do you have any rules or guidelines for you blog?

Yup. I try to write about either lessons learned, provide guidance, or reflect on interesting things. I am not interested in being snarky or delving into controversial issues. A question I often ask myself is “Will this make the world a better place?” Obviously not every post is earth shattering or profound, but the overall goal is to help people to Know Themselves, and Change the World.

#6. What is your favorite color?

I used to think it was green, but more and more I find myself drawn to blue. 

#7. What is your favorite blog post?

That is a hard one. Each one seems to have a purpose and reason when I wrote it. Sometimes I have to browse the older posts to make sure that I not already written about my next big idea. When I go back and read some of them, I am reminded about the “why” I wrote it, and there are times when that post really applies to something I need that day. It is weird, as if the me from the past is passing along some nugget of truth to me today.

How about a few of my favorite ones (in no particular order)?

Silencing the Narrator (3 part series)

Badfriend.com

Fear

For When You Ship

Three Lessons I Learned in the Navy

I Remember When

The Adventure Within (the Adventure)

Rocks, Remembering, and Reflecting

私に好意的に見てください(please look favorably on me)

If you have other questions that I didn’t cover here, feel free to leave a comment and I would be happy to provide additional answers.

Also, which post is your favorite?

Emotional Rickets

Posted on by Carl Weber

I think I have Emotional Rickets.  (Bear with me on this one.)

During a recent conversation, I was explaining how certain situations cause an emotional response that is hard for me to regulate. Anger moves pretty fast, and there are times it catches me off guard.

According to Daniel Goleman, there are five hierarchical levels of emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness

2. Self-Regulation

3. Motivation

4. Empathy

5. Social Skills

I like to picture these five areas as going up steps, one at a time to reach the top. Mastering a prior step helps bring you to the next. Whenever I have an issue with one of these steps, I back up a step to see if there was something in a previous step area that would provide a clue the issue at hand. In this case, I was having an issue with Self-Regulation (step 2).   That left only one step to return to: Self Awareness (step 1).

Rickets is a disorder caused by a lack of vitamin D, calcium, or phosphate. It leads to softening and weakening of the bones. Bones are not only are weaker, but have additional pain and tenderness.

So, Emotional Rickets is when you have a lack of some positive emotional events (and perhaps some negative ones) that leave you in a weakened state.  In additional to weakness, you can add additional pain and tenderness from an emotional perspective.

I repeat, I think I have Emotional Rickets.

This revelation seemed to help, suddenly I could picture the issue.

If my legs were injured, I would not run as hard.

If my arms were injured, I would not lift as often.

If my back was injured, I would not move around as much.

For some reason, I was expecting my brain and emotions to respond to events as if there were no prior injury, no prior events, no limitations. As if it were strong.

lifting_brain

(Image Courtesy of blogs.hawkeyecollege.edu)

But my Emotional Rickets require me to be much more aware of my limits. I may need to work harder than others to achieve the same results. I will be sore, and will not want to go again. I may need more rest and recovery time after each event.

In time, I hope to strengthen this area. I do not kid myself about the amount of work and time it may take to do make even small gains. Progress will require some discipline and work.

Where have you had Emotional Rickets? Where have you been left in a tender and weakened state? Where has this hindered relationships or caused issues? Maybe a little progress in this area for all of us could really change the world. 

 

 

Is it Dan?

Posted on by Carl Weber

 

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(Image Courtesy of http://www.comedybunker.co.uk)

I got together with some friends I met during a regional leadership program to serve a local non-profit a few months ago. The day was spent mostly covering ourselves (and some of the walls) with paint, and catching up with each other.

While painting one particularly difficult area, we had four of us cramped in a small stairwell. Having resigned to have paint all over, my new quest became just to simply not step in the tray filled with paint.

The small space was a great time to talk, laugh, and catch up. Somehow we got on the topic of servicing our cars. I started to share a story.

Oh, you should go where we go. The same guy has been servicing our cars for over a decade.

Ok, but why should I go there?

No, you don’t get it. This is service like I have never experienced. I can call and get my cars right in. He always calls when the car is ready, and if there is going to be a delay. The price is always good, and if there is a way to save a little, he makes good recommendations as well.

There was a pause.

Is it Dan?

Yes, yes it is.

I figure it had to be. I have been going to him as well and feel the same way. Amazing service.

About seven years ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. We started talking about our cars. The conversation moved to service. I started to share my story.

We have been going to this one place for about three years now. They really take care of our cars, but there is this one guy who really seems to take an interest in making sure our cars are well cared for and safe.

Is it Dan?

This was the first time it happened. Seven years later it is still happening. People from different cities and different circles, all ask the same question: Is it Dan?

Every time I teach a class on customer service, I tell this story. Many ask me where Dan is, and if he really exists.

The story is true, he does exist. Maybe I changed his name, but that is not what matters. Something else matters.  Are we providing a level of service that is memorable in our roles, our jobs, and our lives?

Are we providing service that is memorable enough that when someone tells someone else about it (and they will tell others), they cannot help but ask one question:

Is it [insert your name here]?

I Will Be There Someday

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Image Courtesy of Angryjogger.com)

Coaching someone is an interesting adventure. You are trying to help someone develop themselves, establish and accomplish their goals, and encourage them when the journey becomes difficult. A typical coaching session includes checking in and checking up on any progress since the last session.

Progress can be slow.

Progress can be hard.

Progress is about making a repeated effort, over and over again.

Having someone else check in with you can be helpful.

Having someone else check in with you can be frustrating.

Sometimes there is great progress.  Sometimes progress is slow. Sometimes obstacles get in the way. When checking in, you can sense when progress has been slow by the tension during the meeting. There is a quiet hesitation as you begin to ask questions.

When frustration builds, answers sort of blurt out.

“I will be there someday…”

Those words told a story. A story of frustration at how steep the journey had become. A story where each subsequent step was harder than the last. A story that felt endless when trying to envision the top of those stairs when standing at the bottom.

Those words told another story. A story with a little hope. A story that needed to rest between steps. A story that needed to remember to occasionally look back, and see that each step was one step closer to the top. A story that despite the hardship, still believed that “I will be there someday.”

Where has your journey become steep? Where has the progress slowed or stopped?

Maybe today is a good day to remind yourself to take that next step, and remember that YOU will be there someday.

 

The No Strings Attached Apple Crisp

Posted on by Carl Weber

apple-crisp

A few months ago I made apple crisp for a team that I serve on at work. The apple crisp was partly to celebrate our accomplishment, partly because I love a good apple crisp, and partly because they totally guilted me into making it. (I made one for another team and this team got jealous, but that is another story.)

We consumed most of that crisp, with many having two or three helpings.

Some apple crisp remained.

In order to be able to clean the baking pan, I called another co-worker and offered the remaining apple crisp.

“Hey, I made this apple crisp, it is really good. Do you want some?”

Long pause…

“I guess so…but what do you need?”

I was a little stunned at the reply. I had to regroup.

“I don’t need anything, you see I made this for this particular team, and we had extra and I thought of you.”

Another long pause…

“Ok, but seriously, do you need something from me?”

Eventually the crisp was delivered. A cautious first bite, followed by a second and a third. As I left their office, the suspicion remained.

A few weeks later, I stopped by that office again (not because I needed anything). It was then that the real story came out.

At a company prior to this, if someone did something for you, it was not simply a gesture of goodwill. There were strings attached. Receiving from others created an obligation for you.

Nothing was free. Everything came with a price.

Maybe what we all need is a little more no strings attached apple crisp.

Try it out. Do something for others without expecting something in return. It may be awkward at first because of the expectation of strings from those around you.

Let us all know how it goes. Next time I may try cookies.

The Decade of Training

Posted on by Carl Weber

Wander Tag(Image Courtesy of Etsy.com)

Through a combination of coaching conversations, and reflections on my own life I have noticed a pattern. Many of us wish we were further along in our lives, careers, or relationships. We speak as if there is some place we should be, but we are behind in the race. We speak with regret and sadness as if we are currently missing out and life would be somehow different.

“I have been in this job for 6 years now and am in a rut and it feels wasted.”

“I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, and moved from job to job and didn’t make progress.”

“School was not a focus for me, and I wasted those years.  Now I have to go back again.”

“Just imagine where I would have been if I didn’t squander those years.”

These conversations made me think of that quote from J.R.R. Tolkien. Maybe it is okay to wander for a little while, because those years are not always lost.

Instead of seeing those years (however long it has been) as a waste, maybe a perspective change would help. Perhaps we could view that time as the Decade of Training.

The Decade of Training helped form who we are today.

The Decade of Training helped us create goals and start to pursue them.

The Decade of Training helped us try different things.

The Decade of Training helped us know that failure is part of the journey.

The Decade of Training helped us learn to get back up and keep moving.

Those years in the Decade of Training are not necessarily lost, unless you give up and assume that it is too late to pursue the goals for your life, career (or second career, or third career), or relationships.

Most of us today will live into our 90s. To put that in perspective, when we reach 60, we will still have 1/3 of our lives ahead of us.

The real question is now that you have been trained, what will you do with it?