Category: Knowing Yourself

Disqualified

Posted on by Carl Weber

 

Disqualified

You were not good at math. You were easily distracted. You got an F. You got more than one F. You lost your temper. You messed up. You lost the account. You didn’t get into college. You didn’t tell the whole story. You said the wrong thing. You didn’t lose the weight. You were a bad friend. You got fired. You spoiled the party. You quit the team. You stopped calling. You didn’t get science. You made the mistake. You struggled with[insert name here].

Sometimes events make us draw conclusions. We were not good at math therefore we will never be good at math. We spoiled the party, therefore we will always spoil the party, so we should not be invited. We quit the team, therefore we are a quitter. We struggle with a pattern of behavior, therefore we will never overcome.

But worse than giving up, we become disqualified.

Disqualified is when the past is allowed to remove you from future opportunities, growth, or development.

Disqualified is a limitation on our potential.

Disqualified is keeping us from making a difference.

Disqualified is when struggles keep you from helping others.

Disqualified is a lifetime ban.

But, maybe there is no Disqualified status.

Maybe we misunderstood the value of the journey, the struggle, and the failure.

Maybe the fact that we struggle, fail, quit, mess up, and lose are the very things that qualify us to make an impact.

Maybe others need to know that we struggle as well.

Maybe we can learn, grow, develop, and be.

Maybe the future is wide open.

Maybe we are qualified.

Mourning the loss of who you thought you would be

Posted on by Carl Weber

cemetery 8

(Image Courtesy of the Great Robin Lake)

We start out in life thinking we are going to be a certain thing.

We make plans. We make choices. We move in a direction. We become invested in who we are going to be.

Sometimes dreams don’t work out. Plans change. Choices are made. Sometimes we fail. Maybe we succeed at different things. Our journey took us in interesting directions, and the people we met and experiences we had created forks in the road. We took some of those forks.

We are “here” today, right where we ended up. Not to say that “here” is a bad place.

In some ways “here” is better than we expected, in other ways maybe not as good.

However, there was a lot of us in the original plan. It was part of our story. Part of our narrative about who we were, and how we described ourselves.

And if, as I recently realized about my own original plan, it was wrapped up in a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of ego and pride, part of it remains with us years or decades later.

A few recent events triggered some interesting emotions surrounding an old plan. What I thought was long gone, had just been lying dormant. The freshness of the ego and pride associated with these events caught me a little off guard.

But I had to ask,

“Why are these emotions still here years later?”

“These plans, or goals are long dead, how did they return?”

It was in asking the questions that the answer came into focus.

Long dead.

What do we do when someone or something dies? We mourn.

Mourn:to feel regret or sadness about (the loss or disappearance of something).

When we don’t mourn, losses remain.

Even when we move forward, un-mourned losses lay dormant.

I never took the time to mourn the loss of who I thought I would be. Life moved forward, the plans changed. Life turned out better than the original plan.

But the un-mourned losses remained.

Where has your life taken you? Where have your plans changed, and your dreams shifted?

Where should you be mourning the loss of who you thought you would be?

Mourn. And may mourning help you move forward in your journey.

The Pitch versus The Partnership

Posted on by Carl Weber

rsz_istock_hands_holding_seedling_in_a_group

(Image Courtesy of usdailyreview)

There are a lot of ways you can sell yourself, your company, your product, or your organization.

How you sell says a lot about you, your company, your product, and your organization.

Most selling can fall into two distinct categories.

The Pitch and The Partnership.

The Pitch describes how you are going to solve the problem, provide the solution, or deliver the product.

The Partnership describes how together you will solve, build, develop, and create.

The Pitch describes all your accomplishments.

The Partnership describes how you have helped others accomplish their goals.

The Pitch pushes forward when there is resistance.

The Partnership listens when there is hesitation.

The Pitch downplays prior service issues.

The Partnership owns prior service issues.

The Pitch wants to close this deal.

The Partnership wants to make sure this deal is one of many.

The Pitch is proud.

The Partnership is grateful.

The Pitch can give you short-term success.

The Partnership can give you success over your lifetime.

When it comes down to The Pitch versus The Partnership, which will you choose?

Home Planet

Posted on by Carl Weber

You meet.

You start to talk.

You try to explain some weirdness.

They nod.

They totally get it.

They totally get you.

You connect so quickly.

You feel so understood.

They speak as if in your native language.

They understand the perspective, the weirdness, and the challenges.

It is almost as if, as a good friend of mine says…

“They are from my Home Planet.”

They are out there.

You can find them.

They are from your Home Planet.

P.S. Remind them of their impact when you find them.

Go Live

Posted on by Carl Weber

While savoring both the conversation and the breakfast with a close friend, we discussed our lives as well as writing.

When, how, why, and what do we write?

How do ideas develop?

What makes something worth reading?

What do you do when ideas do not come?

How does that concept sit still for so long, then all at once it shouts at you to be put out into the universe?

I had a revelation and shared it with my friend.

“I realized recently that when I am getting writers block or feel stuck, it is the result of not really living life. Those times when I cannot seem to write are the exact moments when I am more closed off to others, not engaged, or distracted by the pressures of life.”

My friend’s advice?

Go Live.

Embracing Awkward

Posted on by Carl Weber

“Sure, I could call and follow-up on proposals, but calling that customer feels awkward.”

“Going to that event when I don’t know a lot of people is awkward.”

“Maybe we could be better friends, but talking about friendship with someone is awkward.”

“Talking to my kids about [insert almost any topic here] can be awkward.”

“I am a little insecure, and taking on this project, role, or job is awkward.”

When did awkward get a VETO? Who empowered awkward with the power to slow us down and even stop us?

Growth happens when we press forward with new experiences, skills, relationships, conversations, connections, and roles.

Maybe that awkward feeling can serve as a simple reminder that what we are about to do is important.

Instead of shying away from that feeling, maybe it is time for us to start embracing awkward and re-interpret those feelings.

Feeling awkward?

Yes.

Important work ahead?

Yes.

“Thank you awkward for the reminder of the importance of this next step.”

Awkward