Tag: the past

Mythology

Posted on by Carl Weber

It was good to hear their voice. We were catching up on a recent phone call. We are related, have known each other for most of our lives, and it has been a while since we talked. Their voice was familiar but different. Time has a tendency to change things.

Lots of topics. Work, life, and struggles. We spoke of our parents. Resolved and unresolved issues. Loss and times of reconciliation and times when we did not or could not reconcile before the end.

“Things got a lot easier for me when I simply saw my parents as people. People who struggle, not on some pedestal.”

Their reframing was helpful. We also spoke about the stories we heard growing up. The stories that shaped us. Some of the stories were supposed to be inspiring. Some of the stories were supposed to provide a warning. Some stories were for fun. Some stories were more serious. There were always stories.

These collective stories were really part of something else.

Mythology.

Mythology is a set of stories or beliefs about a particular person, institution, or situation, especially when exaggerated or fictitious.

Mythology was exactly what we experienced.

Sets of stories and beliefs.

Exaggerated and fictitious accounts.

Mythology that shaped us, our views, our opinions, and our beliefs.

“People do have a tendency to put themselves (and sometimes others) in the best light.”

This new frame helped us both. We see the Mythology clearly and understand some of the motivation behind it. Attempts to teach, to assist, to cover-up, to deal with pain and issues, to inspire hope in dark times.

We all have Mythology.

Our Mythology shaped us, but it may be fictitious.

Our Mythology might have served us, but it may be time to look beyond those stories.

How has your Mythology limited you and created barriers?

How can recognizing this Mythology help you move forward?

For me, simply recognizing Mythology was a great first step in clearing out some of the mental baggage we all carry.

Finding Your Voice

Posted on by Carl Weber
Finding your voice
Image by Christine Sponchia from Pixabay 

The past.

The past interactions.

The past emotional triggers.

These three silenced their voice.

I had the privilege of talking this out with them.

They explained the barriers. The things that prevent them from speaking up.

They explained the stress of finding not only the right words, but any words in the moment.

They explained about the constant overthinking and assigning motive.

They explained the constant reminders of the past.

“What is a way forward? What does finding your voice mean here? Where can you start?”

We talked about value, worth, and standing up and speaking up.

They agreed to try again. To set aside those events and triggers, and find their voice.

It wasn’t going to be easy, but the way forward would begin with looking for the next opportunity, pausing in the moment, and finding their voice despite the barriers. They were practicing, even in our conversation as the words poured out.

A few days later I got a message. The opportunity arrived. They found their voice and spoke up.

Despite the fear, and the anxiety, and all of the stuff that could get in the way, they took the leap and expressed their need.

They found their voice – AND – the organization responded!

The perceived barriers were not really our there in the organization, but created an internal barrier. These barriers were an historical lens that was not clearing seeing the present or the opportunities of today and future days.

How has the past, the prior interactions, and the triggers created internal barriers that silenced your voice?

How does finding your voice look moving forward?

How can you remember you worth and value to the organization and express what you need?

We are rooting for you, and look forward to hearing about how the organization, the person, the group, or the universe responds when you speak up!

Historian or Futurist?

Posted on by Carl Weber

 

We seem to like history, especially our own history.

Our history was created through a series of events. We get comfortable telling that story. We have told that story many times. We keep telling that story. We like telling that story.

The pain, the struggle, the successes, the joy.

But those things happened in the past, they are not currently happening.

We keep telling that story.

We are the historian. We gather the crowd around us, and take them on the tour. We rehearsed the lines, know when to pause, and draw them in.

But the crowd eventually fades. The story is old. Tickets are unsold.

But there is something else.

Something different and new.

We can become a futurist.

The futurist tells a new story.

The futurist is setting new goals.

The futurist is moving forward.

The futurist understands past events, but not through a distorted lens of over-emphasis or limits.

The futurist embraces today while envisioning something better.

The futurist is creating.

The futurist is risking.

The futurist is living.

We have a choice to make: remain the historian, or become a futurist.

 

 

 

Cross-Examine the Narrator

Posted on by Carl Weber

That Narrator.

That voice.

The one who cuts you down.

The one who seems to have a job description to regularly review your faults and past failures and bring a case against you.

We can try to silence the Narrator, but simply recognizing and trying to ignore that voice is not always enough.

During a coaching session we talked about the Narrator, and how often it reminds us of faults or short-comings. And, how when we silence that voice in one area or approach, the Narrator seems to find another angle, another strategy, another way to try to disrupt us.

But there is another way.

Cross-Examine the Narrator.

Instead of just taking in these words, these accusations, maybe it is time for us to examine the evidence, and take issue with these old approaches and rehashing of past failures.

Maybe it is time we put the Narrator on the stand after each statement or accusation that is leveled against us.

“Well you are not very consistent, if you were, you would be more successful. Look at the time you have wasted, and where you could be today.”

Hold on a second, now it is my turn and in my best pretend courtroomy lawyerly voice.

“I may not always be consistent, but part of my behavioral style allows me to be flexible and move quickly which is a strong quality. And as far as success, I am successful and here are the areas that I have had great success. [list of the evidence]”

“Yes, but…”

“So, you agree that I have had successes, but you keep insisting on bringing up old news, or old events. Your honor, I move to dismiss all charges.”

“I object!”

“Object all you want. You have no case. You have no relevant facts, and your accusations are groundless and are more of a distraction. Case dismissed!”

Don’t let the Narrator’s voice go unchallenged.

Speak up and Cross-Examine the Narrator.

Present the evidence.

Be tough on that voice that has been tough on you.

Dismiss the case against you.

Move forward and be free.

Disqualified

Posted on by Carl Weber

 

Disqualified

You were not good at math. You were easily distracted. You got an F. You got more than one F. You lost your temper. You messed up. You lost the account. You didn’t get into college. You didn’t tell the whole story. You said the wrong thing. You didn’t lose the weight. You were a bad friend. You got fired. You spoiled the party. You quit the team. You stopped calling. You didn’t get science. You made the mistake. You struggled with[insert name here].

Sometimes events make us draw conclusions. We were not good at math therefore we will never be good at math. We spoiled the party, therefore we will always spoil the party, so we should not be invited. We quit the team, therefore we are a quitter. We struggle with a pattern of behavior, therefore we will never overcome.

But worse than giving up, we become disqualified.

Disqualified is when the past is allowed to remove you from future opportunities, growth, or development.

Disqualified is a limitation on our potential.

Disqualified is keeping us from making a difference.

Disqualified is when struggles keep you from helping others.

Disqualified is a lifetime ban.

But, maybe there is no Disqualified status.

Maybe we misunderstood the value of the journey, the struggle, and the failure.

Maybe the fact that we struggle, fail, quit, mess up, and lose are the very things that qualify us to make an impact.

Maybe others need to know that we struggle as well.

Maybe we can learn, grow, develop, and be.

Maybe the future is wide open.

Maybe we are qualified.

Moving Forward

Posted on by Carl Weber

 

Moving-Forward

(Image Courtesy of capreform.eu)

The other day I had the privilege of going for a run with my youngest brother and my youngest daughter. We don’t see him very often because we live so far away, and running gave us time to connect just the three of us.

We ran. We laughed. We joked. We connected.

The conversation moved to something that we had just passed by.

It was then my daughter provided a bit of wisdom.

“It is hard to look backwards when you are moving forward.”

A simple statement.

A profound idea.

Sometimes the past isn’t satisfied with not being the star of the show.

Our lives are in the second or third act, but that first act keeps walking back on stage, interrupting and inserting itself into the present.

She was right. 

It is hard to look backwards when you are moving forward.

Just think about what 2015 might be if we keep that in mind.