Tag: knowing yourself

The Successful Solution Trap

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Successful Solution

Success is great. The trouble with success is that over time, you begin to rely on that success the next time. And the next time, and the next. The prior solution may have been great, and after a few successes, you may even have a few various solutions up your sleeve. Maybe you even have five. But these are a pretty solid five solutions that have worked in the past. You rely on them, and they solved a lot of issues.

But what about when there is a need that doesn’t match your five?  How many times is someone describing their issue, their problem, their need and you are just trying to figure out how to make it fit into one of your solutions?

This success solution trap became real to me a few weeks ago.  I took a call.  I listened for a few minutes.  I had a plan.

“This should solve your issue, and I will send over an outline.”

I opened up an old document that was a successful solution in the past, made a few changes and sent it over.  The reply was not what I was expecting.

“What is this? How is this going to solve our issue?”

I stepped back and replayed the call in my mind while looking at my notes. I was so worried about fitting their issue into my solution, I even ignored my own notes. Shortly after, I re-drafted a new solution and sent it over. It was the right fit, and much more creative than my old canned solution.

It takes a little more work, but new creativity beats old successful solutions. I want to learn from the past successful solutions, but not become a slave to them.

Sitcom Rules for Our Lives

Posted on by Carl Weber

Now and then (okay, way too often) I misread someone’s humor and become angry.  If you remember, it is my primary emotion.  During one of these moments, someone mentioned how much easier life would be if we were in a sitcom, instead of real life.

They explained the following rules that would help all of us.

1.  There is a laugh track in the background so you know when someone is joking, or attempting humor.

2.  The show only lasts 30 minutes so all arguments or fights can only last until the credits role.

Genius.  How do we put these two into action?  

Important Tip:  We have to agree to these two rules with people around us before the next conflict starts.  Don’t wait until the argument starts to try these out.

Applying Rule #1:  When you are attempting to be funny, and it seems to cause a rise in someone else, just laugh out loud in one of those annoying laugh track sort of ways. Maybe even add some clapping for yourself.

“Ha, Ha, Ha….Bhaaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaa!”

Applying Rule #2:  When the next argument starts, look at your watch.  Know that the credits will role in 30 minutes, and you have time for commercial and bathroom breaks. Talk it out, but set this boundary so that you are working towards the solution within defined limits.

Try it out, and feel free to use Rule #1 to help you not take things so seriously before moving to Rule #2.

The Long Hardened Road

Posted on by Carl Weber

800px-The_Long_Road_Ahead

Photo by Jon Rawlinson accessed on Wikimedia Commons

While working with a group we were discussing the stress associated with their jobs.  We discussed the role of that emotional intelligence plays in dealing with that stress, and how their glass can become cloudy.  The conversation took an interesting turn.

The cloudy glass image helped them identify their current emotional state, but did not address the larger picture.

They were on a journey.  They began their careers with hopes, dreams, and a passion to serve.  Over the years, the negative or stressful parts of their job, caused a hardness to form.  With every subsequent negative event, they would take a step down a long hardened road.

This journey was not overnight.  Each step was subtle, and not readily noticeable.  Days passed.  Weeks passed.  Years passed.  One day they found themselves becoming so hardened, so far down that road that they were was almost unrecognizable.

“How did we get so far down this road?”

“When did we become so hardened towards the job and the people?”

“How do we get back?”

The trouble with incremental steps is the difficulty noticing the change.  They never planned to go so far down that road, to become so hardened.  It was just one step.  But one step became another, and another, and another.  It wasn’t until they looked back years later that they saw the distance they had traveled.

I began to wonder.  How many times does this happen to us?  A bad event happens, and it hardens us.  Then another comes our way.  Another disappointment, another failure, another hardship.  We begin to walk down that road and the result is a hardness as our hopes and dreams fade.

Where have you walked down this road?  How can you begin to take a step back?  This group collectively agreed to find their way back.  May we all find the strength follow them.

Everything Requires a Conversation

Posted on by Carl Weber

A few days ago, I sat down with someone who began discussing a few issues that needed to be addressed in their workplace.  All were minor issues, but were getting in the way of getting goals accomplished and creating some minor disruptions or tension throughout their building.

The first issue was described in detail with a question at the end.

“What do you think I need to do about this?”

“It sounds like you need to have a conversation.”

The next issue was described, this time it was about a conflict and how another person’s work-style was causing disruption.

“What do you think I need to do about them?

“It sounds like you need to have a conversation.”

By the time we approached the third issue, it became clear that this was even more complex and involved multiple departments and people.  Again the question came.

“What do you think I need to do about this?”

But before I could answer…

“I know what you are doing to say…EVERYTHING REQUIRES A CONVERSATION!”

I paused, wrote it down on a sticky note and posted it on my computer monitor.  They were right.  Most, if not all of the conflicts and issues at home, in the office, or where you volunteer exist because people are involved.  The only way to make progress is to have a conversation.

I am not saying that these conversations are easy.  I spent a good portion of my time facilitating conversations between individuals and teams that have gone far too long without having the conversations needed to address the issues when they were small.

Take out a piece of paper and make a list of the top three conversations you should be having.  They are not always easy, but for me making a list helps keep me accountable to accomplish the task, especially when it is a difficult one.  And remember, everything requires a conversation.

It’s Running Itself

Posted on by Carl Weber

You have an idea. You are excited. You tell others. You may even have a plan.

Then something happens. You walk away, and assume that they are implementing your idea, your vision, and your plan. In your mind, “it’s running itself.” Your work is complete, because you not only came up with an amazing idea, your inspired them so uniquely that their motivation, their loyalty, and their efforts were completely aligned with your vision. You did your part, now it is in their hands. You move on to the next big idea.

Don’t hear this wrong. Big ideas are great. We should dream, we should develop ideas, but sometimes the idea or coming up with a vision of what you would like to do, be, or accomplish is the easy part. The more difficult part is making your idea happen. Implementing your vision takes discipline and hard work. Working hard at the daily tasks needed to make your dream a reality is not glamorous.  You have to make sacrifices, and you may even fail.

Discipline can seem overwhelming but you can start small, with just a few minutes each day.  You may be surprised where it takes you, and those around you who usually are tasked with trying to implement your big idea may breathe a sigh of relief.

Time

Posted on by Carl Weber

Yesterday was the first day wearing my watch in almost two years.  This watch had been sitting dormant because of its need for some major repairs.  For most people, a watch is just a way to keep track of time, but this watch is something different (or at least it was supposed to be different).  This watch and I have been together for 20 years.

A few short days after graduating from high school, I woke up each day in the Navy. Every day was planned, structured, and dictated by someone else.  Days were long, routine, and blended together and I never wore a watch.  There was never really a reason to wear a watch when each day was someone else’s and you were just along for the ride.

But as my four-year journey was coming to an end, I began to think.  Maybe spending all that time at sea gives you time with your thoughts that the average person doesn’t normally have in life…or maybe it was just breathing all that salt-filled air.  My thoughts were filled with plans, ideas, and goals for life.

One of the first things I did upon my return (besides rushing down to start dating the woman who would ultimately become my wife) was to buy myself this watch.  It took a while to find the right watch.  Something nice, but not too nice.  Something that would last, and stay in style.

Eventually, I found the watch I was looking for and in an overly ceremonious way, purchased the watch.  After unwrapping it, and placing it on my wrist, I told myself something as it rested there for the first time.

“Your time is now your own, and this should be a reminder to make the most of it.”

This reminder helped me through harder times ahead, through college exams, moving and changing jobs, and periodic failures in life.  The reminder was present at amazing times of our wedding, kids, first houses and jobs, and establishing a life together.

Yesterday as I drove to work, sat in meetings, went to a parent-teacher conference, shopped for school supplies, and came home, the watch was there.  Periodically while glancing down at the movement of the hands, I was reminded of my words to myself so long ago.  It was as if for a moment, I was receiving a reminder and a challenge from my 22-year-old self.

“Your time is still your own, are you making the most of it?”