Blue Skies, Clouds, and Flying

A few miles into a guided run on my Nike Run Club app the coach, along with the co-founder of Headspace, started talking about motivation and being enough.

They described us as having enough (motivation, inspiration, or whatever we needed to keep doing this hard thing) but also as being enough. They wanted us to picture that place when we feel motivated, inspired and enough as a blue sky.

That blue sky is always there and beautiful.

But clouds make their way in and cover that sky. Those clouds represent our doubts, fears, feelings of not being enough.

When those feelings come in, they cover the blue sky and become what we focus on.

Those clouds are what stop us from finding the motivation, inspiration, and feeling like we are enough.

But they reminded us that despite the clouds, that blue sky is still there. Sometimes we cannot see it through the clouds, but it still exists.

Even when the clouds break, sometimes we are still so focused on the clouds, we miss the blue sky coming through.

This guided run and approach reminded me of my wife’s grandfather. A grizzly and tough man who flew planes in WWII and went by Gramps but made me call him “Commander.”

I once asked him what he liked the most about flying.

“Every single day is a sunny day with a blue sky if you just fly high enough.”

Gramps (aka Commander)

Will clouds come into our lives?

Yes.

Will those clouds of doubt and fear, and not being enough be our focus?

Maybe we just need to remember to fly high enough to find that blue sky.

P.S. Thanks Commander for the laughs and conversations and for the inspiration to be Captain.

What’s Your Pace?

During a recent dinner with a few friends, the conversation turned towards running. They run. I run. We are all runners. Put a few runners in the same room and talking about running is inevitable.

We started to talk about upcoming runs, past runs, and our favorite routes.

We started to discuss weather and water, getting outside and getting older.

We started, and then the focus shifted.

“What’s your pace?”

Instead of talking about nutrition plans.

“What’s your pace?”

Instead of talking about the mental game of running.

“What’s your pace?”

Instead of talking about why we run and what it means to us.

“What’s your pace?”

Instead of talking about good runs, and bad runs, and the entire running journey.

“What’s your pace?”

It was the narrow and continuous focus that caught my attention. They kept asking, and I kept trying to steer the conversation away. I wanted to know so much more about them and their journey. I wanted to share more about running through my 50’s, trying to remain injury free, and the mental game of running.

Maybe I am the outlier, but I had an advantage that helped me notice what was happening.

Over the past few months, I have been both participating in, and coaching a Mental Fitness program. This program raised my awareness of my own tendency towards an overuse of achievement. This “hyper-achiever” inside me creates a cycle of constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation with a focus on external success.

The conversation’s focus on pace, was triggering this “hyper-achiever” inside me. Combined with my internal narrator (or Judge) who judges myself and others (especially through comparison) wanted to share my pace and talk about my faster runs.

But comparison and competition is not what I want in conversations.

That goes for all conversations, not just the running ones.

What is the alternative?

Recognizing this pattern is the first step. The next step is learning to shift away from these default approaches, and establishing being curious as a practice. This curiosity helps you ask better questions and explore with the other person.

Instead of “What’s your pace?” try a few of these questions:

What are you struggling with?

What have you learned after all these years?

What has been your greatest success?

When do you feel at your best?

How can I help/support you on this journey?

Magic Bonus Question: The AWE question – And what else?

These questions apply to all of our conversations. Being curious and exploring brings us closer instead of creating competition that drives us apart.

For me, pace doesn’t matter, exploring and getting to really know other people brings the real magic.

Interested in improving your Mental Fitness? I have a few spaces remaining for the next group program. Contact me for details.

Thank you for believing in me.

18,181 days today.

18,181 days of breathing, moving, and living in this body.

I have an interesting relationship with this body. I ask a lot from it. I don’t always like it. It is not perfect. I make it run for long periods of time. I keep pushing it to give more, even when it is tired.

But lately we have been at odds with each other.

A few months ago, it let me down.

Yes, I know there are no bad runs, but recently there was a series of not great runs. A few times I had to stop, even during a race.

I began to doubt.

Words began to build up against my body.

Maybe you won’t be able to keep going.

Maybe this is what happens at “a certain age.”

Maybe I pushed you too far and we are winding down.

The words created distance between the two of us.

I could feel the distance, the disappointment, the disapproval.

Yesterday was a long run. I was nervous, and so was my body. We had a rough few weeks. We needed something to change.

So, I took the first step. I looked at the run history on my app and reminded my body of how many miles we ran. I reminded my body that we have run longer and in some of the most extreme weather. I reminded my body that it can do hard things. I reminded my body that I was not mad at it for the past few months.

Then something shifted. Everything felt lighter.

The run was not easy, but we kept going. Slow at first, building and finding our stride.

Then something happened about 2/3rd into the run. I actually heard my body speak. Softly at first, so soft that I almost dismissed it. But my body kept speaking until I could hear it.

“Thank you for believing in me.”

Even as I type these words a wave of emotion passes over me as it did while running.

I had replaced the frustration, the doubt, and the disappointment with belief. And my body responded. I was no longer fighting against it, but working with and encouraging it.

Since this moment I started to wonder how I can continue to show this belief internally, but also externally to those around me? Instead of frustration, doubt, and disappointment they may need belief from me as well.

So maybe, just maybe, it won’t just be my body who says, “Thank you for believing in me.”

The Tribes

Winter here has been weird.

In a week and a half, the temps have varied from 65 to 8.

Running has been a challenge.

Some days are cold, some are warm.

My body and my attitude has needed to adjust.

Luckily I am part of a Tribe.

The Running Tribe.

The Running Tribe spends time together.

The Running Tribe encourages each other.

The Running Tribe is a little weird.

The Running Tribe laughs together, especially while waiting around for the start of strange races that get us outside despite the weather.

Life can be weird.

In a week and a half, I can go from confident to insecure, happy to sad, encouraged to frustrated.

Leading can be a challenge.

Parenting can be a challenge.

Partnering can be a challenge.

Friendships can be a challenge.

Some days are cold, some are warm.

My body and my attitude has needed to adjust.

We need more Tribes.

Tribes for each challenge.

A Leadership Tribe.

A Parenting Tribe.

A Partnering Tribe.

A Friendship Tribe.

Find the Tribes.

Create the Tribes.

Join the Tribes.

Join My Tribes.

Let’s try doing these things together.

 

Recalibrating the GPS

It started as a simple conversation about running, pace, and times. We both opened up the app on our phones and talked about some of the struggles, successes, and challenges ahead while scrolling through the history.

Then it came out.

“I must need to recalibrate the GPS, I am not that fast.”

As I heard those words, I couldn’t help myself.

“Really? You have been training hard, staying on schedule, and when you make progress, why does your first thought assume something is wrong with the GPS? Why do you discount your achievements?”

Pause.

Another Pause.

“Well historically…”

“In the past…”

“I used to not…”

All of next few statements were not about the present reality, or celebrating the accomplishment. All were focused on the past.

Past limits. Past thoughts. Past obstacles.

I listened for a few minutes.

“Sounds like is not your GPS that needs recalibrating.”

When do you discount your achievements? When does your past invade the present to take away the things you accomplish? When does your first thought assume that it must be the equipment or a false reading because it cannot be you that reached the goal?

Maybe we could all use a recalibration.

Hard is Okay

“This is hard. I am not sure if I want to keep doing this.”

“This is hard, much more than I originally thought.”

“I was hoping it would get easier, but this is still hard.”

“Wow, making this change is hard.”

“Training for this [insert life event here] is hard.”

“Trying again is hard. What if I don’t [succeed, get into that school, get that job, get better, maintain that relationship, find the right career, learn to overcome this thing/fear/obstacle, bring value, find my path, finish well, make a difference]”insert any or all of these…

Multiple conversations. Similar statements.

Some statements are from customers or “coachees.” (Those being coached, is that even a word?)

Some statements are from my running partners.

Some statements are from friends.

Some statements are from my daughters who are either trying something for the first time, or pushing through with their life pursuits.

Some statements are my own.

What is an appropriate reply to all these words?

Stop trying? No.

Give up? No.

Easy is a better path? No.

Hard is okay.

It doesn’t mean that Hard is fun.

It doesn’t mean that we always enjoy Hard.

It doesn’t mean that Hard will be easy.

But maybe we can accept Hard for what it is.

Hard is okay.