Category: Relationships

Understanding the Differences

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Differences
Helping others on their journey is one of my favorite things. There are times it is important to gather some of these people together. When in a group, we discuss how their particular styles impact others to help the other people understand the differences among them.

During a recent session we were discussing differences around a creative approach versus a more practical approach. We talked about how each person may see things, and how these differences may manifest.

One person is more practical, the other is more creative. As we were taking, I glanced down at the participants notebooks. Their notebooks clearly provided the illustration I needed during our time together. They are different people, each bringing something valuable to the relationship. Understanding those differences helps each of them see the world from the other person’s viewpoint. It is this kind of understanding that helps move beyond conflict and deepens relationships.  

Our notebooks are different. We are different. We all have something we bring to the table, the relationship, or the workplace. Sometimes opening up your notebook is the first step towards understanding.

I am on YOUR Team!

Posted on by Carl Weber

Your TeamImagine how much simpler life would be if those around you had to wear team shirts. All of us have people who are on our team. All of us have people who are not on our team.

Sometimes we confuse the two, especially during a conflict. Shirts could make it easier to keep track, and not confuse our interactions between these two distinct set of people in our lives.

When we are interacting with people who are not on our team, we have to play defense to protect ourselves.  We also play offense to get ahead or gain the upper hand. Both are designed to “win” against the other person. Over time, our playbook is filled with these strategies.

Unfortunately, our playbook can become our default method for all of our interactions, even our interactions with people close to us…with people who are actually on our team. The team shirt could serve as a reminder.

“Look at my shirt! I am on YOUR Team!”

I need this reminder. It helps me to switch gears and let go of my strategies. When I remember who is on my team, I remember they are here to help.

Sitcom Rules for Our Lives

Posted on by Carl Weber

Now and then (okay, way too often) I misread someone’s humor and become angry.  If you remember, it is my primary emotion.  During one of these moments, someone mentioned how much easier life would be if we were in a sitcom, instead of real life.

They explained the following rules that would help all of us.

1.  There is a laugh track in the background so you know when someone is joking, or attempting humor.

2.  The show only lasts 30 minutes so all arguments or fights can only last until the credits role.

Genius.  How do we put these two into action?  

Important Tip:  We have to agree to these two rules with people around us before the next conflict starts.  Don’t wait until the argument starts to try these out.

Applying Rule #1:  When you are attempting to be funny, and it seems to cause a rise in someone else, just laugh out loud in one of those annoying laugh track sort of ways. Maybe even add some clapping for yourself.

“Ha, Ha, Ha….Bhaaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaa!”

Applying Rule #2:  When the next argument starts, look at your watch.  Know that the credits will role in 30 minutes, and you have time for commercial and bathroom breaks. Talk it out, but set this boundary so that you are working towards the solution within defined limits.

Try it out, and feel free to use Rule #1 to help you not take things so seriously before moving to Rule #2.

Everything Requires a Conversation

Posted on by Carl Weber

A few days ago, I sat down with someone who began discussing a few issues that needed to be addressed in their workplace.  All were minor issues, but were getting in the way of getting goals accomplished and creating some minor disruptions or tension throughout their building.

The first issue was described in detail with a question at the end.

“What do you think I need to do about this?”

“It sounds like you need to have a conversation.”

The next issue was described, this time it was about a conflict and how another person’s work-style was causing disruption.

“What do you think I need to do about them?

“It sounds like you need to have a conversation.”

By the time we approached the third issue, it became clear that this was even more complex and involved multiple departments and people.  Again the question came.

“What do you think I need to do about this?”

But before I could answer…

“I know what you are doing to say…EVERYTHING REQUIRES A CONVERSATION!”

I paused, wrote it down on a sticky note and posted it on my computer monitor.  They were right.  Most, if not all of the conflicts and issues at home, in the office, or where you volunteer exist because people are involved.  The only way to make progress is to have a conversation.

I am not saying that these conversations are easy.  I spent a good portion of my time facilitating conversations between individuals and teams that have gone far too long without having the conversations needed to address the issues when they were small.

Take out a piece of paper and make a list of the top three conversations you should be having.  They are not always easy, but for me making a list helps keep me accountable to accomplish the task, especially when it is a difficult one.  And remember, everything requires a conversation.

insertfunnydomainname.com

Posted on by Carl Weber

I mentioned a while ago about my habit of calling a few friends on the way to work. These morning calls provide us with a way to keep “the cup” away from our homes, and give us some time to connect and process out our lives together.  Unfortunately we do not always connect and have to leave a voicemail.

With one friend in particular I have developed a habit.  For some reason (perhaps because they know it’s me calling) I get their voicemail more often than not.  After listening to their voicemail message over and over, and hearing them say that can also be reached at their email at blahblahblah@domainname.com, I had a funny idea.

Instead of simply leaving a message, my quest was to come up with a funny domain name back to them when I called after the beep.

It goes something like this:

Beep.

Hi, this is

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

and I am sorry I missed you.  Call me back or you can reach me at my email

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

We would laugh and developing these domain names became a way for us to essentially explain why we were calling or what we needed in a few short words.

Hi, this is Carl@Iamabadfriendwhonevercallsback.com give me a call soon.

Sorry I missed you, this is Carl@whatthehellwereyouthinking.com you’d better call right away!

Hey, Carl@feelingprettystressedatwork.com call right away!

The funny domain names helped us say a little about how we were feeling, or at times what we needed from each other.  Sometimes they were less funny and more of a clue that we needed something deeper.  Reflecting on this, I wonder…what is your domain name?  What story would it tell about you for us to know your real situation or circumstance without the normal filtered approach to our conversations.  Maybe it would help if we knew this about each other and ourselves.

you@tooafraidtoactoraskforhelp.com

you@takingontheworldtoday.com

you@justtakingitonedayatatime.com

you@wonderingifmydreamsarestillpossible.com

Go ahead and reply with your domain name today.  Who knows, just putting it out there may help it become a reality.

Theory, Paper and Real Life

Posted on by Carl Weber

Sadly, a lot of times I am better in theory or on paper than I am in real life.  I have certain beliefs about the way the world or people should be, how they can better connect with and work with each other and I think, write and even periodically teach these concepts. Applying these concepts to my own life has proven to be a challenge.  I will give you a few examples.

Preparing to teach on emotional intelligence and becoming stressed about it and losing my cool with the kids about their homework.

Writing a blog about communicating while getting into an argument with those around me.

Teaching on coaching in the workplace while canceling my coaching session with one of my employees.

My ability to offer great advice to others while failing to take that exact same advice for my own present situation is remarkable (unfortunately).

I heard a very important idea from Jack Enter, a speaker and author.  During a session on failing as a leader, he warned us that believing in something and putting it into practice are two separate things.  He warns us to be careful about being satisfied with our beliefs while never executing on the actions necessary to do the steps needed to be the people and leaders we need to be.

Our (or at least my) ability to allow this disconnect between theory, who we are on paper, and real life is amazing.  The ability to have two seemingly contrary positions without noticing it has become more apparent to me, especially when I fail.

Jack recommends disciplining ourselves to implement these concepts, while being accountable to others so we actually do these things.  How to you make sure your theories or who you are on paper makes it into your real life?

For me, the morning phone call helps because it provides a space to be honest about where I didn’t measure up, and be accountable to others to make changes that bring my life more in line with these theories I believe.