Category: Change the World

Mourning the loss of who you thought you would be

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Image Courtesy of the Great Robin Lake)

We start out in life thinking we are going to be a certain thing.

We make plans. We make choices. We move in a direction. We become invested in who we are going to be.

Sometimes dreams don’t work out. Plans change. Choices are made. Sometimes we fail. Maybe we succeed at different things. Our journey took us in interesting directions, and the people we met and experiences we had created forks in the road. We took some of those forks.

We are “here” today, right where we ended up. Not to say that “here” is a bad place.

In some ways “here” is better than we expected, in other ways maybe not as good.

However, there was a lot of us in the original plan. It was part of our story. Part of our narrative about who we were, and how we described ourselves.

And if, as I recently realized about my own original plan, it was wrapped up in a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of ego and pride, part of it remains with us years or decades later.

A few recent events triggered some interesting emotions surrounding an old plan. What I thought was long gone, had just been lying dormant. The freshness of the ego and pride associated with these events caught me a little off guard.

But I had to ask,

“Why are these emotions still here years later?”

“These plans, or goals are long dead, how did they return?”

It was in asking the questions that the answer came into focus.

Long dead.

What do we do when someone or something dies? We mourn.

Mourn:to feel regret or sadness about (the loss or disappearance of something).

When we don’t mourn, losses remain.

Even when we move forward, un-mourned losses lay dormant.

I never took the time to mourn the loss of who I thought I would be. Life moved forward, the plans changed. Life turned out better than the original plan.

But the un-mourned losses remained.

Where has your life taken you? Where have your plans changed, and your dreams shifted?

Where should you be mourning the loss of who you thought you would be?

Mourn. And may mourning help you move forward in your journey.

The Pitch versus The Partnership

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Image Courtesy of usdailyreview)

There are a lot of ways you can sell yourself, your company, your product, or your organization.

How you sell says a lot about you, your company, your product, and your organization.

Most selling can fall into two distinct categories.

The Pitch and The Partnership.

The Pitch describes how you are going to solve the problem, provide the solution, or deliver the product.

The Partnership describes how together you will solve, build, develop, and create.

The Pitch describes all your accomplishments.

The Partnership describes how you have helped others accomplish their goals.

The Pitch pushes forward when there is resistance.

The Partnership listens when there is hesitation.

The Pitch downplays prior service issues.

The Partnership owns prior service issues.

The Pitch wants to close this deal.

The Partnership wants to make sure this deal is one of many.

The Pitch is proud.

The Partnership is grateful.

The Pitch can give you short-term success.

The Partnership can give you success over your lifetime.

When it comes down to The Pitch versus The Partnership, which will you choose?

Culture, Performance, and Employees

Posted on by Carl Weber

Culture Performance Employees

The Culture of an organization is important. Culture orients us to the organization, its purpose and goals. But Culture is not just what an organization says, Culture is what it does both internally and externally.

How does the organization treat its customers, even the difficult ones?

How does the organization treat its employees, and not just those at the top of the ladder?

Performance is important.

Making the numbers. Bringing in revenue. Achieving goals.

Performance keeps us in business.

Employees are important.

Employees do the work. Employees make the calls. Employees interact with the customer.

Actively managing Culture, Performance, and Employees and keeping these three in balance may be the most important responsibility of a leader.

But some leaders forget all three.

Some leaders only remember one.

Some leaders focus solely on Performance.

Culture Performance Employees (2)

Performance alone creates a different Culture.

Performance alone can treat Employees like numbers.

Performance alone can turn the Culture against Employees.

Performance alone blames Employees (for the Culture and lack of Performance).

Performance alone can lead to Employees leaving for a better Culture.

Great leaders realize Employees matter.

Great leaders realize Performance matters.

Great leaders realize that Culture can take care of the other two.

Great leaders strive for Culture that rewards and values Employees that can lead to greater Performance.

Great leaders know where to start.

Embracing Awkward

Posted on by Carl Weber

“Sure, I could call and follow-up on proposals, but calling that customer feels awkward.”

“Going to that event when I don’t know a lot of people is awkward.”

“Maybe we could be better friends, but talking about friendship with someone is awkward.”

“Talking to my kids about [insert almost any topic here] can be awkward.”

“I am a little insecure, and taking on this project, role, or job is awkward.”

When did awkward get a VETO? Who empowered awkward with the power to slow us down and even stop us?

Growth happens when we press forward with new experiences, skills, relationships, conversations, connections, and roles.

Maybe that awkward feeling can serve as a simple reminder that what we are about to do is important.

Instead of shying away from that feeling, maybe it is time for us to start embracing awkward and re-interpret those feelings.

Feeling awkward?

Yes.

Important work ahead?

Yes.

“Thank you awkward for the reminder of the importance of this next step.”

Awkward

 

The Hard Work of Dreams

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Image courtesy of the One of My Dreams, and the road trip)

Sometimes our dreams don’t work out.

But dreams (goals, aspirations, how we want things to be) can fool us into thinking that the road will be easy.

We have this idea, so it should just happen right?

I want this or that, therefore it should become a reality.

Yes it may be a little work, but hey “I have been working on this dream for over two weeks.”

During a recent discussion with a close friend, we talked about how dreams are the result of hard work. The result (that dream state) is typically achieved after years of sacrifice and working a plan that made that dream a reality.

We laughed at how much we dream without counting the cost. Big dreams without counting the hard work it will take to make them happen.

The “overnight success” band dream. Fifteen years of crossing the country to work every small bar, festival, or venue.

The “retirement traveler” dream. Thirty-three years of saving, investing, and saying no to the daily temptations of purchases.

The “dream job” dream. Ten years of attending school part-time while working, raising kids, and unpaid internships to gain experience.

The “business start-up” dream. Thirteen years of finding a market, staying up late working on proposals, being rejected, making mistakes, borrowing money, trying to keep records, making a product or service, building relationships, inspiring trust, learning to ship, and trying to convince others that you bring value.

The “perfect parent” dream. A lifetime of relationships, negotiations, cleaning up, providing for, apologizing, correction and guidance, time, energy, and intention.

The “great relationship” dream. Seasons of distance, making time, grief, disappointment, non-response, frustration, misunderstanding, forgiveness, and rejection.

Dream away.

But know that dreams require something in return.

The hard work of dreams is what takes a concept or idea and makes it real.

It will cost you, but the reward is worth the hard work.

 

P.S. A few days ago marked four years for this writing dream. Just a few more decades to go…

They are Listening

Posted on by Carl Weber

A while ago, I posted Amy Cuddy’s Ted talk about our body language and the impact it can have on us.

Shortly after watching this talk, I mentioned this to our younger kids and had them stand up straighter, and even lift up their hands in a “V” pose with their hands overhead and spread out. This came to be known as the “victory” pose around our house when frustrations such as homework, or other issues caused frustration or anxiety. But as time passed, these moments became infrequent, or dismissed from my perspective as “Dad being Dad.”

Flash forward more than two years.

We were on a long road trip. An important trip where missing the waypoints, or hitting delays have large consequences.

Car trouble.

Frantic search for a dealer.

Work that will most likely result in a delay.

PANIC.

Shuttle to a local mall.

Waiting. Wandering. Waiting.

Then it came.

Encouragement.

Small simple words.

A reminder to hold our hands high.

A reminder to walk in the “victory” pose.

A reminder that we were safe, and that it was going to be okay.

BUT.

The words and reminders were not from me, but from our kids.

The world slowed. (And so did my breathing)

I took their advice, and I raised my hands high and walked around that little mall.

My perspective and emotional state shifted.

We all smiled, laughed, and joked.

Our world shifted for the better that day.

I suddenly realized the impact we have around us, in our circle, and in the lives of others.

I also realized something else, perhaps even more important.

They are listening.