Tag: our words

insertfunnydomainname.com

Posted on by Carl Weber

I mentioned a while ago about my habit of calling a few friends on the way to work. These morning calls provide us with a way to keep “the cup” away from our homes, and give us some time to connect and process out our lives together.  Unfortunately we do not always connect and have to leave a voicemail.

With one friend in particular I have developed a habit.  For some reason (perhaps because they know it’s me calling) I get their voicemail more often than not.  After listening to their voicemail message over and over, and hearing them say that can also be reached at their email at blahblahblah@domainname.com, I had a funny idea.

Instead of simply leaving a message, my quest was to come up with a funny domain name back to them when I called after the beep.

It goes something like this:

Beep.

Hi, this is

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

and I am sorry I missed you.  Call me back or you can reach me at my email

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

We would laugh and developing these domain names became a way for us to essentially explain why we were calling or what we needed in a few short words.

Hi, this is Carl@Iamabadfriendwhonevercallsback.com give me a call soon.

Sorry I missed you, this is Carl@whatthehellwereyouthinking.com you’d better call right away!

Hey, Carl@feelingprettystressedatwork.com call right away!

The funny domain names helped us say a little about how we were feeling, or at times what we needed from each other.  Sometimes they were less funny and more of a clue that we needed something deeper.  Reflecting on this, I wonder…what is your domain name?  What story would it tell about you for us to know your real situation or circumstance without the normal filtered approach to our conversations.  Maybe it would help if we knew this about each other and ourselves.

you@tooafraidtoactoraskforhelp.com

you@takingontheworldtoday.com

you@justtakingitonedayatatime.com

you@wonderingifmydreamsarestillpossible.com

Go ahead and reply with your domain name today.  Who knows, just putting it out there may help it become a reality.

We Just Need a Strong Leader

Posted on by Carl Weber

Working with teams is great.  But, I have noticed a pattern.  When there is difficulty, conflict or lack of communication an interesting pattern emerges during the various sessions.  What I hear during these sessions is consistent.

Sometimes these statements are a muttering in the back of the room, other times they are directly proclaimed for the group.

“We just need a strong leader.”

“If the [insert bosses title here] did more of [whatever topic we are discussing] we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

My personal favorite – “This is all well and good, but when will our leader apply some of these principles?”

In most cases I am there because the leader has identified the issue and wants to inspire collective solutions and buy in from the group.  Admittedly these leaders have not always lead deliberately, but the demands of their time and energy has increased, and they assumed that these teams would self-manage or self-lead through the routine of the day.

Then something interesting occurs.  The leader begins to lead, and in a strong and deliberate way.  The leader provides clear direction, communicates a larger vision, and begins to hold everyone accountable for results.  This newfound accountability eventually finds its way to those vocal critical few.  According to their earlier statements, what follows would logically be a happy embrace of this new leadership model.  Tragically, it doesn’t.

“Who does [insert leader’s name here] think they are messing with the way we have done things?”

“Can you believe that they want us to report on our activities, why don’t they just leave us alone like before?”

“Why do they keep making us go to meetings?  Why are they in our space so often?  Why are they asking so many questions?”

As the leader becomes stronger and tackles the various issues they find that the people who so clearly demanded strong leadership, are the ones who fight the hardest against it when it arrives.  Often, those vocal few are no longer there in a few years because when they said “We Just Need a Strong Leader” what they really meant was “I need someone to complain about to deflect attention from my own lack of personal leadership.”

Maybe that vocal person was right.  The organization did need stronger leadership, but you should be careful what you wish for…you just might get it.

I Remember When…

Posted on by Carl Weber

The other day I spent about an hour in the pool with my youngest daughter.  After a dizzying session of whirlpool creation, we began talk.  We talked about the squirrel trap she created.  How those little guys stole all of the almonds she scattered across the driveway, but none of the blueberries were harmed.

At some point I thought of about how amazing it was to be having this conversation with this little person.  My thoughts drifted to all of the memories of her growing up and I started to share some of that with her in the way that my wife and I sometimes share with each other.  We call it “I remember when…”

I remember when you were born.

I remember when you used to be afraid of the deeper pool.

I remember when I first saw you climb our tree like a monkey.

Then it dawned on me to alter it a little and begin to ask questions instead.

Do you remember when…

Do you remember when you were born?  No, but I remember the pictures.  Did I really have all that dark hair?  Yes.

Do you remember when we collected rocks at the beach?  Yes.  But mostly, I liked throwing them in the water.

The questions helped, and eventually she didn’t need prompting and it began to flow.

I remember when I was little and played with a pink basket in your room.

I remember when I first went to school.

I remember when my older sisters came home from college and I cried, because I missed them.

Today, what do you remember?  Take a few moments and reflect and share a few with us, or someone close to you.  Try this out with people you know and ask them what they remember.

Thanks for the Pool…

Posted on by Carl Weber

Thanks for the PoolThis week was Hot!

At one point the little temperature gauge in my car read 103 degrees.  At the height of the heat I got a quick text from my wife.  It read,

“The pool is so awesome.  Thank you so much for getting it and putting it up.”

The day came to a close and as I walked out to my car after a long day at work.  I walked beside another person and mentioned that I got a thank you from my spouse about setting up the pool.  What I heard back caught me a little off guard.

“I sent a thank you to my spouse as well for putting the air conditioners in the windows…and they are still sitting in the basement and not installed.”

I felt the need to clarify.

“No, it was a real thank you because they appreciate the pool on such a hot day.  It was not a sarcastic thank you.”

The person looked confused and only replied with a puzzled, “oh” and got in their car and drove off.  I thought to myself, “Wow, this person thought my spouse was being critical of me and was joining in about their spouse.”

This reminded me of how often I hear other people criticizing their spouses or significant others, their friends, and even this kids in front of others.  I grew up around a lot of people who would do this, and it has taken a lot of effort to not follow in that path.

Why do we feel so compelled to express such dissatisfaction with others?  What makes matters worse is how often I hear it happen in front of the person being criticized.

“He is just not that handy around the house, and we have to pay a lot to get simple things done around our house.”

“She is not great at managing the day-to-day, so I have to step in a lot.”

“They are not that sharp, and I don’t know how they are going to make it after highschool.”

I am heading to a party with a lot of couples and their kids this afternoon, and I am going to count how many times I hear this happening (maybe it could someday be a kind of a sad bingo game for parties).  For the next week or so, take the time to listen for it, you may be amazed at how often this occurs.  When you hear it happening, have the courage to step in and provide an encouraging word or re-direct the conversation.    And if you catch yourself doing it…Stop it. 

Taking a Vacation From…

Posted on by Carl Weber

We are taking a vacation.  Yes, it just so happens that next week is vacation but that is not the vacation that matters.  Last night while tucking the kids into bed we had an idea. We should take a vacation from something that isn’t working for us.

This week was a short week because of a holiday, and for some reason we all seemed to have more homework, stress and projects that ended up increasing the grumpy dialogue between us.  Last night while tucking everyone in, we decided to take a vacation.  A vacation from raising our voices to each other.

Why not take a vacation from that one thing for the next week? Spend today thinking about that one thing that you should put on the shelf for the next 7 days…and put it away. The next week you have a free pass from engaging in that thing.  It may not be helping you anyway.

What do you need a vacation from?  Raising your voice?  Being critical? Procrastination?  Fear?  Being Snarkey?

For us, we came up with a code if one of us begins to violate our new vacation agreement:

“I’m sorry, we are on vacation!”

You deserve a vacation.  Perhaps those around you do as well.