Tag: making a difference

The Adventure Within (the Adventure)

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Adventure Within (the Adventure)We try to get outdoors as often as we can as a family.  With all of the work, school, life, and errands, this can be a real challenge.  As part of the yearly goal setting, hiking a certain mountain where we live was on the list for 2012.

Labor day weekend seemed like the logical choice for us, and this hike was on one of the oldest daughter’s “bucket list” for college.

What a perfect way to cross off a goal on a few lists while spending some quality time with the girls.  Our backpacks were full of snacks, water, supplies, band aids, eye drops, extra allergy medicine, bug spray and a few random things like headphones and a few toys.

The route was selected based on a consensus of research.  The route was a bit longer but a less steep path since this mountain is bigger than our casual small hikes of the past.  Walking sticks in hand, our small tribe’s adventure began.  The day was perfect, mid 70’s with a cool breeze and good spirits all around.  We were entertained by a series of jokes at the expense of a small dam.

“Looks like we are on the dam trail.”

“Hey, I am walking on the dam footbridge.”

” Welcome to the dam, I will be your dam tour guide, and I will be here to answer all of your dam questions.”

“Hey, is that the damn dam over there?”  (It got a little out of hand, and we had to redirect the conversation.)

After about an hour, our middle daughter mentions that the tread on the tip of her boot is coming loose.  We stop, and a small bungee like cord from a backpack wrapped around the toe seems to solve our problem.  We hike on.  After a short while, she mentions her boots again.

“Ummm, Dad, I think you need to see this.”

“Did the bungee come loose?”

“Nope, but this did.”

She was holding the entire boot tread in her hand.  It had come completely separated from the boot and we are miles from the starting point, and not quite halfway to the summit.  We spring into action, searching for every kind of solution we can in our bags.  Now it had been a while since we did serious hiking and we packed pretty well with one exception.  There was no tape.  Not even that white medical tape you typically find in first aid kits.  What we would have given for a roll of duct tape!

Luckily a friend of ours had given us a few paracord survival bracelets (small woven bracelets made from parachute cords), and the kids remembered to wear them.  We separated the cords and tied up the shoe.  The hike continued.  It wasn’t a perfect solution, but we had a mountain to climb.  Another 20 minutes went by.

“Ummm, Dad, it is happening again.”

Her second boot suffered a similar fate.  The tread had completely separated itself from the boot.  We stopped in a little clearing to eat lunch and assess our situation.  After additional attempts to tie the treads on, a few tears, lunch, and asking every passing hiker if they had any tape, it was clear that the summit was not a reality.

The hike down was not easy, and included continual evaluation and readjusting the cords and the addition of a few hair elastics.  Eventually some medical tape was provided by a sympathetic passerby.

Towards the end, one of the treads came completely off again.  Instead of stopping, or even missing a step, my daughter simply held it up high above her head and marched on.  Her strong defiant stand against the day’s difficulty was signaling that she was not giving up, and she was going to make it.  And she did.  We all did.

Later while in the car, we were discussing the high points of the hike, and what each of us remembered.  Besides another round of jokes about the “dam footbridge” by our youngest, we talked about working together to solve the boot issue, and what we liked best about the day and what we were thankful for.

“Remember when my boots fell apart, I was kinda scared, but we worked it out and made it back safe.  Now it is pretty funny.”

We all laughed about the boots.  Once safely in the car the fears or even tears became a distant memory.  We never made it to the summit.  The adventure that we planned was not the adventure that we had.  But isn’t that the way life is sometimes?  The unexpected challenges or obstacles bring both hardship and excitement to our adventure. 

Your Super Secret Bonus Day

Posted on by Carl Weber

While having breakfast with a friend yesterday, I was reminded about an idea I had a few years back.

“You know what I need?  I need one of those secret bonus days you talked about inventing.”

It had been so long that I had forgotten my radical idea/invention, time altering notion.

(Image Courtesy of Western Michigan University Registrar’s Office)

The idea is a simple one, but does require altering the space-time continuum.  Everyone, and I mean everyone gets a Super Secret Bonus Day each week.  It appears on your calendar.  It can be between Wednesday and Thursday, after a hard Monday, anywhere you like, it is up to you.

The Super Secret Bonus Day is yours.  You get to do those things that you never get to do for yourself given your busy almost crazy paced life.  Read that book, go to the beach and lay in the sun, write, paint, sing, or just rest.  There is a catch.

No one else knows you are gone during your Super Secret Bonus Day.  You may have spent that day at the beach between Monday and Tuesday, but no one noticed.  For them, it was business as usual, but you are surprisingly tan and relaxed.  There are no logistics that you have to work out to have your day, no child care, no guilt for wanting to spend some time alone away from your significant other, kids, parents, co-workers, boss or friends.  It is your day and everyone gets one.

As we talked a little more at breakfast, I began to wonder.  Why is this concept so attractive, yet so unattainable?  (Besides the whole altering time thing…)  We are so busy, so stretched, and so scheduled that there is no time left for us.  We all have these lists of things we would like to do, but time slips away and they become a somewhat resentful reminder that there was no time to accomplish these things.

Given that a few years have passed and I have been unable to alter the course of time (despite a few good attempts), I have a new idea.  We can still have our Super Secret Bonus Day, but it may look a little different.  Everyone can have a Super Secret Bonus Day but the reality is you need to schedule it on your calendar.  Once a week may be too much to start, so I am going to try for once a month (for some of you, once a quarter may be more realistic).

Here is my plan.  I am going to put my Super Secret Bonus Day on the calendar once a month.  A day for just me to ponder life, read, and write a little while sipping coffee in some amazing local coffee shop, eating a lunch without the rushing of managing young kids, and quiet time in a library or art gallery.  What will your Super Secret Bonus Day include?

A few Super Secret Bonus Day Guidelines (no rules, this is supposed to be fun right?)

1.  It is your day.

2.  Do something you like that is not work related.

3.  Come to some agreement with those within your sphere that you each get a day, and let it happen without making the other person feel guilty for taking their day.

4.  Help someone else take their day (watch their kids, encourage them to schedule it).

5.  Have fun!

They

Posted on by Carl Weber

At times, our busy schedules, full plates, and drive to get things done can become excuses or justification for our lack of intentional communication.  Over time, how we communicate with others is more of a habit and we give it little thought or consideration.

The other day, while working with a group I heard some interesting dialogue.

“If they would just understand what needs to be done here without complaining, it would be just fine.”

“They always micromanage us and do not understand how much we have to accomplish.”

“They are just difficult and this is not a democracy, they need to do their jobs.”

“They never listen.”

“They.”  In each case, both groups were placing blame onto the other.  Over and over during the session I heard this term “they.”  It would be comical if it wasn’t sad.  There was no “I” or “We.”  Replacing “They” with these terms reveals part of the problem.  It is much easier to describe how others need to change, or what they do wrong, versus taking ownership of what I or We do not do well.

When you find yourself blaming “They” perhaps it is time to check out that mirror on the wall.  Imagine the progress any team, relationship, or workplace could make by taking ownership for their own actions first.

How Cloudy is Your Glass?

Posted on by Carl Weber

Understanding your own emotional state is essential to your development and progress as a leader, a co-worker, or a person.  More and more the importance of emotional intelligence is identified as the difference between good/marginal leaders and great leaders.  Daniel Goleman who wrote Emotional Intelligence in 1995 (and many other books) is the leading voice on these matters.  He states that “90% of the difference between star performers and average performers in senior leadership is Emotional Intelligence.”

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups.  The first step is to identify or become more aware of your own emotional state.  To help identify your own emotional state, I like to use the glass example.  A clear glass represents you in your emotional state where you are healthy, in control, and emotionally neutral.

However, life happens.  When negative events occur, they begin to cloud your glass.  The person who cut you off in traffic.  The missed appointment.  The argument with a significant other.  A tragic life event…and the list goes on.  Any of these can cloud your glass.  Becoming aware of your glass and its current state is a great way to both identify what clouds your glass, and how cloudy you may be on a given day.

Your ability to move from the cloudy glass back to clear is one of the most important skills. For some, this process may take hours or even days until the impact of the negative experience clears and they return to neutral.  Identifying your glass in the first place is a great way to separate yourself a little from the circumstances at hand.  Once you recognize that your glass is getting a little cloudy, it becomes easier over time to recognize what triggers you.  Knowing your triggers can help you clear your emotional state more rapidly over time with practice.

I posted this picture on the door to my office and regularly ask those who come in the status of their glass.  I also let them know on certain days that my glass is a little cloudy and I may need a little space.

The great news with Emotional Intelligence is the fact that we can all become better with practice and experience.  I posted about an online game called SuperBetter that has some ways to help with managing your emotional state, feel free to check it out.  Another interesting thing about emotions is that they are contagious (for good or bad).  This means we can play a role in helping each other when our glasses are cloudy.

My glass is a little cloudy today, but knowing that helps me manage my interaction with anyone who I encounter today.  Knowing the state of my glass requires me to slow the world down a little (especially with my kids today) and not react when something does not go as planned.  As I watch them, they key off my emotional state.  The better I manage my own glass, the better they manage theirs as well.  The last thing they need is for me to pour my glass all over them.

Right Now: how cloudy is your glass?  What causes your glass to become cloudy? Are there things that are making your interactions with others more challenging because of what you are carrying with you.  Take a few moments each day to think about your emotional state.  The very act of taking an emotional inventory helps you become more aware that awareness can lead to better management of your emotional state.

Your Story

Posted on by Carl Weber

Ever considered your life as an epic journey or story?  Have you ever wanted a live a great story?  Maybe deep down we all want to live a great story, but get sidetracked along the way.  Hope this video inspires you today to get out there and create a story worth reading.

http://www.mystoryline.net/

I Remember When…

Posted on by Carl Weber

The other day I spent about an hour in the pool with my youngest daughter.  After a dizzying session of whirlpool creation, we began talk.  We talked about the squirrel trap she created.  How those little guys stole all of the almonds she scattered across the driveway, but none of the blueberries were harmed.

At some point I thought of about how amazing it was to be having this conversation with this little person.  My thoughts drifted to all of the memories of her growing up and I started to share some of that with her in the way that my wife and I sometimes share with each other.  We call it “I remember when…”

I remember when you were born.

I remember when you used to be afraid of the deeper pool.

I remember when I first saw you climb our tree like a monkey.

Then it dawned on me to alter it a little and begin to ask questions instead.

Do you remember when…

Do you remember when you were born?  No, but I remember the pictures.  Did I really have all that dark hair?  Yes.

Do you remember when we collected rocks at the beach?  Yes.  But mostly, I liked throwing them in the water.

The questions helped, and eventually she didn’t need prompting and it began to flow.

I remember when I was little and played with a pink basket in your room.

I remember when I first went to school.

I remember when my older sisters came home from college and I cried, because I missed them.

Today, what do you remember?  Take a few moments and reflect and share a few with us, or someone close to you.  Try this out with people you know and ask them what they remember.