Send The Words

A small brown envelope.

A blue sticker “Par Avion Air.” (Airmail)

Diamond Harbor, New Zealand.

The cutest cat and flower card.

The Words replying to an earlier parcel.

The Words remembering our time a colleagues.

The Words about timing and being seen.

The Words about “shoulds, shame, disappointments, and shattered expectations.”

The Words about the shared impact we have on each other.

The Words about being part of a community through shared experiences.

The Words that were perfectly timed.

The Words that I needed.

The Words that they needed.

The Words.

Grab a card (especially one with cats and flowers).

Get a stamp.

Use a pen.

Send the Words.

Page 37 The Muse’s Guide: Comparison

The following is an excerpt from Page 37 of the Muse’s Guide: Your guide to Humans. This little known manual was recently discovered. A copy is provided to each of our Muse’s during their orientation as they wait to be assigned to a Human. This series will reveal some of the insight contained within the dog eared and highlighted pages of the Muse’s Guide.

…you will remember that despite being tough or even confident on the outside, a human’s real battles is within. That Narrator (inner voice) is determined to keep them from creating. Each Human has a creative spark within them. They are designed to bring that creativity into the world. That creativity is continually attacked, but not always directly. The subtlety of each attack depends on your human, but one of the worst attacks is comparison.

A few years ago, there was this one Human. You can look it up, but Stephanie was assigned to this mustached one that became some sort of leader. Teddy something, but that is not important. The key was what he learned from Stephanie about comparison.

“Comparison is the thief of Joy.”

Instead of moving forward in their own journey, humans continually look around and measure themselves against others. This comparison helps steal joy away, especially when they are first getting started.

The Narrator gets really loud. The Narrator seeks out ways to compare your Human to others and conclude that your human should stop, give up, because they are not at valuable as someone else.

A recent example involved James who was assigned to that artist, writer, and potter Annie. Annie has been on our radar for a while now. She is so talented. Her creativity has manifested through various mediums, yet the same things keep getting in the way. Comparison seems to really work on her to stop her from sharing her gifts with others.

We recently found a transcript of the Annie’s Narrator as she was thinking about sharing or even selling some of her recent pottery.

“You are making some progress, but you are not ready to share your work. Look around at Jim’s recent creation, you are not at his level. Maybe you never will be at that level.”

The Narrator starts with some acknowledgment of Annie’s progress, then takes away her confidence and discounts her work.

It gets worse.

“You are pretty good, but look at all these other artists. It is not only Jim, and Alex, and Pam in your class, but these others are so much better than you. Maybe they worked harder, but they appear to have more natural talent than you. You are not ready. You are not good enough.”

The Narrator finds an endless comparison list. As soon as Annie feels confident that her progress matches that first standard, the standard changes again. And again, and again with a never-ending list of comparisons.

Remember, everything fails by an irrelevant standard.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that comparison is a new tactic. It has been happening from the beginning. The new ways your human compares themselves to others are just faster versions and make your job a little more challenging.

Muse Suggestions against Comparison – remember each human is unique so this guide will provide some ideas to help and you may need to try variations to best meet your human’s needs.

Human’s and Self-Worth – Remember that poster in the Muse break room “Human beings, not Human doings” that helps us understand the real issue. Humans forget that they have worth just by being, not by what they do. This connection between what they do or accomplish and how they feel about themselves is strong.

Strong but Wrong.

Remind them of their value.

Remind them of their worth.

Remind them that creating or accomplishing feels good, but those feelings are in addition to feeling good about their own value or worth.

Comparison Triggers – Each Human finds a mix of comparison markers to measure themselves against. Some will be in their actual circles (friends, colleagues, family members) but many of these comparisons are strangers from across the globe. Humans see others from the outside, feel their own inner battle, and forget that other humans also have inner battles.

Remind them to take a break from viewing others.

Remind them that they are not alone when they struggle.

Remind them to be aware of what triggers negative feelings when viewing others.

Remind them that all Humans are racing together, and not against each other.

Being a Muse is not an easy job.

Being a Muse is not about a formula or following steps to solve a problem. Humans are not a problem. Humans are magnificent, strange, creative, complex, weird, temperamental, and insecure.

Your job is to guide, support, inspire, and encourage your Human.

Do what You love

“I Do What I Love.”

I turned off my head phones.

It was during my post-run walk and I still had my music on.

I almost missed it.

I asked again just to make sure.

I Do What I Love.”

She lives next door.

She grew up with our kids.

We have little chats when she is walking the dog or after my runs when she is outside.

This time she was playing basketball on the curb.

“I love basketball.”

“I love music.”

“I also love dance.”

“That is a great list of things you love.”

She beamed.

She took a few steps back.

The music was playing.

She paused and planted her feet.

Now watch this!”

It was a choreographed masterpiece.

A few moves back and forth.

Dance steps towards the basket.

A full 360 spin.

Raised arms with the ball.

Swoosh.

Score.

“It’s better when you combine what you love.”

I couldn’t help but clap.

I thanked her and finished my walk home.

As I turned into my driveway, she called out one last time.

Remember, Do What You Love!

As I am writing this, I caught a glimpse of her Mom out walking the dog this morning.

Little does she know that her daughter provided such wisdom for me, and for all of us.

Thank you little neighbor for leading the way.

Do What You Love.

And when you can combine them, it gets even better.

The Rockstar Dilemma

The Rockstars: the great performers in your organization.

For a while it was you. Everything connected. Everything was going your way.

You were on top.

You were the one everyone sought out.

You were the first pick to help others, mentor them, and get them up to speed.

You helped develop others.

But things change.

They began to rise.

They started to perform.

Now, they are the ones everyone seeks out.

Now, they are the first pick to help others.

A shift in Rockstar status can be disruptive. The shift can leave you feeling unsure and insecure.

“Is there still a place for me?”

“What will happen if I build and develop others, and I am no longer needed?”

At some point in your career will most likely be faced with the Rockstar Dilemma: When you move from the top performer to another role as others rise up and take their place in the organization.

The Rockstar Dilemma presents us with a choice that usually takes two different paths.

  1. We see our role not only to perform, but to help build capacity in others, and to share what we know to help them succeed.
  2. We see our role to perform as sheer competition, and anyone’s gain is our loss.

Choosing the second path is easy. We just perform, and perform, and move ahead as long as we can.

Choosing the first path is hard. We face the dilemma of performing, while helping others develop and perform, knowing that there is a chance that someday they will surpass us.

There is insecurity in the first path.

There is risk in the first path.

I hear the response every time I introduce the first path of the Rockstar Dilemma.

“But, if I develop them, I will no longer be needed. You are essentially having me work myself out of a job!”

My response is always the same.

“If you are the kind of leader who can build teams who are better than you, and can out perform you, you will never be out of a job. Organizations will pay you a lot more than you are making today to build that kind of a performance culture.”

When faced with the Rockstar Dilemma, let’s pick the right path.

Work Life Separation

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We get a quick note on the weekend.

“Sorry to bug you about work on a weekend, but I need…”

Or a text late at night.

“Hey, sorry, I know it is late, but can you send along…”

And there was an email early in the morning.

“Sorry, this is last-minute, but can you give us a call right away…”

These requests were simple. They took just a few moments of our time.

We enjoyed being able to respond. It didn’t even feel like work.

There was a time when we thought we needed work life separation.

There was a time when we thought this divide was important.

There was a time when work felt like work.

Over the past few years the work life separation wall has slowly been dismantled.

Brick by brick, the need to be distinct and have boundaries has faded away.

The work life separation wall has become a smeary, messy, blended tapestry.

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When our work, and life is about helping others, both happen at interesting hours, times, and moments.

It doesn’t feel like work. It isn’t distinct from our life. It just is.

We live and work at weird hours when there is a need. There are no office hours.

We aren’t counting the days until we retire. We just live.

We live and work in various locations, and at various times.

We meet the needs around us throughout our entire journey.

There is no longer a need for the work life separation.

The absence of that artificial barrier sets us free.

 

Parachuting In

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(Image Courtesy of Pinterest)

While getting coffee before a consulting gig, I happened to bump into two leaders from that same organization who were at a table sipping their morning brew. There was a brief pause.

“Hey, are you parachuting in again today?”

“Yes.”

Awkward pause.

“It’s not us right?”

“Nope, you are fine. In fact your departments are doing well.”

“Great. Good luck. We are just glad it is not us.”

Parachuting In: the new term this group jokingly uses when I stop by to help a division or group of folks in the organization understand themselves better, work through conflict, or learn to be a more effective team.

I kind of like it.

Parachuting in means someone is in immediate need of help.

Parachuting in means that you have come to help.

Parachuting in means that your mission or goal may be secret (you are not going to air another department’s issues when questioned).

Parachuting in means that your work is temporary.

Parachuting in means that you are bringing needed assistance, resources, and strategy.

Parachuting in means that it is their department, their operation, and their team.

That simple phrase has stuck with me. Partly because the work has been long-term enough to earn a nick-name.

What will your work’s nick-name be?

Is your art, your craft, your life, your relationships, your consulting, your business creating the right resonance to earn its own phrase or nick-name?

The other part that I remember is how happy they seemed that I was not there to see them.