Elliptical Orbits

solar-system-orbit

(Image Courtesy of wiseGEEK)

Apparently I have a lot in common with early astronomers. Both Copernicus and Galileo thought that planets traveled in perfectly round orbits, because the circle was an “ideal shape.” Circular orbits made sense, something is moving around something else, and a circle is a pretty good choice and seems right. Especially if you have an “ideal shape” or expectation in your mind in the first place.

With all the recent friend research we did together, friends and relationships continue to be present in my mind. I found myself using the term “orbit” a lot with friends.

“Hey, I want you back in my orbit.”

“You seem to be drifting out of my orbit.”

“Why can’t we stay in orbit?”

But there is a law of motion in the universe. Johannes Kepler noticed that the “ideal shape” didn’t explain everything. Instead, he discovered something else.

The orbit of a planet follows an ellipse with the sun at one focus. He discovered that the motion and travel was not an “ideal shape” but instead an almost flattened version of the ideal.

This means that at any given time, planets will be further away from the sun, and other times they will be closer, but still in orbit.

When it comes to friends, I fell into the same “ideal shape” trap. Since I assumed that being in orbit with a friend was a perfect circle, any perceived distance was interpreted as getting out of orbit.

But maybe, Kepler’s First Law of Motion can apply here too.

Let’s call it Carl’s First Law of Friendship:

“The orbit of a friend follows AN ELLIPSE with YOU at one focus.”

Realizing that a friendship may follow an Elliptical Orbit helped explain why friends are not always constant or “perfect.” Sometimes they are closer, sometimes they are further away, but that is how orbits work.

Want to know more? Check out this great video on Elliptical Orbits. And just like the astronomers, we will keep trying to understand this whole weird and wonderous universe of friends, and friendships.

 

A Little Friendly Research Part 7 (The Finale)

Part 7. The Finale.

Wondering what this is all about? Start here.

I asked. You answered.

Question 8: Anything else that you would like to share?

[Insert name] is a great friend.

This exercise, especially questions 6 and 7, gave me pause – made me think. Thank you for that.

Yes.

Regardless of the type of relationship you have you get out what you put in.

Friendships are difficult. time and distance have a way of seeing some friendships lose their closeness. Yet many friends, who I don’t see on a regular basis because of distance, etc. can pick up where they left off immediately because the disruption of the friendship wasn’t based on wounds of differences, but just life. Others dissolve because of differences that went unresolved. Those are the hardest. Unresolved conflict is tough.

[insert name] is a great friend and I appreciate [name].

Question 9: In 10 words or less, what advice would you give to the World about friendships?

Treat a friendship like a romantic relationship and vice versa.

Friends are one the greatest gifts you will receive. They… (sorry there was a 10 word limit.)

(Just Kidding) …provide laughter as well as keep you from wandering off in the desert of life.

Be the friend you want to have.

It’s not a contest.

People always come into your life for a reason, enjoy!

Being willing to be vulnerable when you want to retreat because you are hurt or misunderstood, is well worth it. If that friend truly values you and your friendship, he or she will cover that vulnerability with grace. Your friendship can grow stronger in spite of the struggle. Way more than 10 words. Lol.

I’m breaking the rules and combining 8 and 9.

I don’t have any advice, but I will share a wish. When I think about my friendships, it occurs to me that most (if not all) of them are largely based on convenience. It’s convenient because we live near each other, or because we work together, or because we’re in class together, etc. If that convenient variable were removed, I don’t know what would happen to those relationships. Would they make the effort to maintain them? Would I? I know that feeling like a friend-when-convenient is pretty sad; I’ve felt that way, and I’m sure I’ve made others feel that way too. I wonder if this is just the way it is with the friendships we have in adulthood?

If so, my wish is that we could find a way to do better than that. I wish that friendships were a higher priority, despite all of other things competing for our time and energy. I wish we valued them more. I wish that we’d protect them, and fight for them. I wish we’d be more willing to do the work to sustain them, even when it’s not convenient. Especially then.

Ten words: Food and friendship enhance each other.

Thank you again for all of you who answered and shared this post with others. Keep sharing, keep answering, and most of all keep questioning.

What’s next? My turn.

A Little Friendly Research Part 6 (Questions 6 and 7)

Part 6.

I am a little sad that this series is coming to an end.

You see, I asked a bunch of you to weigh in on 9 questions about friends and friendship. After this post, only 2 questions remain. It feels a little like the day before the last day of vacation. You are still relaxing, sitting by the pool, but the normal world is vying for your attention. Suddenly instead of enjoying the sun on your face, you begin to think about packing, traveling, unpacking, getting back into the routine, grocery shopping, making dinner, and doing laundry. You have to work to keep the world out of your vacation for another day. I had to remind myself to enjoy this post, this day, and not worry about what the next post may bring.

If you are totally lost, start at the beginning. Think about the questions. Take out a sheet of paper and jot down your own answers, the compare them against this smattering of wisdom, openness, and advice.

They are friends.

They have friends.

Perhaps their words, answers, and ideas will help you in your own journey.

Question 6: If you could say one thing to your friends that would help explain what you need from them, what would you say?

Question 7: How many close friends would you say you have?

Just love me for me.

Four.

Confirmation that I’m being the friend that they need me to be.

15.

I need to know that you care, and I might need to be reassured sometimes.

Few. I could count them on one hand and have fingers to spare.

I don’t know what I need from my friends, other than to be friends.

6.

And please don’t give up on me.

4-5.

Honesty. I don’t want someone to tell me what I want to hear or what they think I want to hear.

5.

don’t give up on me.

4 or 5.

Trust: I need to know you have my back, will be my cheerleader and defender and think the best of me.

I have a lot of folks in my life who I love deeply. But many are just too far away or seen too seldom to consider “close” friends. So I would say right now, there are 7 people I consider close/deep friends.

Availability.

Question 8 and 9 remain.

 

Swords Up

Arwen-LOTR

We watched epic movies together, and it felt like a journey and perhaps reminded us of our own Hero’s Journey.

During the years while the original movies were playing, this same group of close friends would chat via various messaging programs (texting wasn’t as cool back then) and it provided a way to connect. We would leave small words of encouragement, or check in when we knew one of the others were struggling.

But (yes it is a little goofy) we would also periodically change our picture or icon to represent one of the Lord of the Rings characters that resonated with us. When we knew that there were specific obstacles, resistance, or doubt one of us would type:

Swords Up!

And all the icons or pictures would change. They were the same characters, but this time wielding a sword.

Legolas

As I drove home from my meeting the other day when the Lord of the Rings soundtrack was playing, I remembered those two words: Swords Up.

eowyn

Those swords were a show of protection, defense, and willingness to fight alongside each other.

If Joseph Campbell is right, great stories are pretty much the same and give us a glimpse of the life we are capable of leading. And maybe, just maybe it is friends who are willing to put their Swords Up for and with you that make all the difference.

Thanks Friends, and for old times sake: Swords Up!

Sword

The “I Totally Get It” Crew

wm-backWe need them.

The people who understand us.

The small band of close ones who display the right combination of empathy and compassion.

You are insecure, neurotic, scared, and full of doubts about something.

You hesitate to share this with anyone.

It is your secret in the dark.

You take a risk and start to explain.

To shed light.

Your words come slowly, pausing about to stop at any moment.

Your Narrator makes you regret that you began.

Your story flows, your doubts grow.

They nod.

They listen.

Some have even been down the same road.

They share as well.

You thought you were alone.

They are on a journey too.

Simple words.

“I Totally Get It.”

That is the crew we all need.

Making Soap: A Lesson in Being a Serial Entrepreneur

Breakfast with a few close friends is always welcome on my calendar. During yet another snow storm, we made our way out to find a new place to eat. The one friend came from far away, the other from right down the road.

We talked. We connected. We laughed.

One friend is always traveling, and has great stories.

The other friend is a Serial Entrepreneur. They are always coming up with new ideas, new businesses, new ways to make something happen.

As we were eating our food, the Serial Entrepreneur gave us both small packages. Homemade soaps in nicely decorated packaging. Not only have they been experimenting with making soaps, they have already started selling them.

IMG_1154IMG_1155

While reading Seth Godin’s new book “What to do when it’s your turn (and it’s always your  turn)” I was reminded of this other friend.

They are always taking an idea and running with it.

They try, fail, try again, succeed, think of something else, and keep moving.

Did they wait for someone to tell them it was their turn? No, they just keep doing.

Do they have all the answers? No.

Do they have a complete plan with all the details before the move? No again.

Do they take risks? You betcha.

Did they wait for everything to be perfect before they shipped? Nope.

Do they do more in a few years than most of us will do in our lives? Yes.

After breakfast I thanked this friend for the lesson: Keep Trying New Things, Take the Risk, and Ship.

I wonder what their [your] next idea will be?