Tag: Change the World

Support

Posted on by Carl Weber

Support

Support takes many forms. Support can be listening to a friend, or coworker. Support can be making a meal, or remembering to call. Support can be a random text that reminds another person that you are there and thinking of them.

Support is being the kind of boss that remembers that people have lives outside of work. Support is the parent that encourages, even when things are tough. Support is helping people stretch, especially when they are afraid. Support is help picking up the pieces when it goes wrong.

Lending a hand. Helping others. We all need support. We all provide support.

In the long run, support must be in balance in our lives. We are receiving support while providing support to others. Many times this balance is disrupted. Either we are receiving a disproportional share, or providing the increased support. In the short-term, this one-sided equation is acceptable. Perhaps an event required this unequal ledger (loss of a loved one, job, or relationship). Righting that balance requires us to understand the role of support in our lives.

Sometimes you find yourself in a support deficit, that place where you have been providing support without reciprocation. The support deficit can be draining, and may be a sign that you need to set some boundaries with those around you. It may signal that you need to speak up.

What support are you providing? What support are you receiving? Are you remembering to give as you receive? Is there that friend who calls, but you do not initiate calls? Call them.  Is there someone coaching you and encouraging you? Reach out to them, but not just because you have a need.

Use your own need as a measure of how you could be providing support to others.

Need encouragement? Encourage. Need a friend? Be one. Need help? Be helpful.

You can do it. Together we can change the world.

HALT or you may regret the outcome

Posted on by Carl Weber

About half way through a session with senior leaders on how emotional intelligence impacts the work place, I had to admit that the prior day I failed miserably at it myself. Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess, and control your own emotions, while being able to empathize and work with others and their emotional state.

The discussion traveled toward finding ways to slow the world down, and understand your own emotional situation. We talked about identifying certain negative emotional triggers, or those events, people, or activities that can hijack you and cause you to react instead of respond to those around you.

One leader spoke up about a technique that served them well during their career. This technique was a simple way that a mentor encouraged them to think about their emotional state, before the term emotional intelligence was in the mainstream.

One simple word: HALT

HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. When you feel yourself getting emotionally charged, you are supposed to stop (the word HALT helps you remember that part) and ask yourself if any of these attributes are true.

Am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired?

These four states are not exclusive and more than one can be true at the same time. The mentor compared these four to an engine: one with four cylinders. If all four are in a good state, the engine (our emotional state) runs smooth and without issues. If one cylinder becomes disabled, the engine starts to run pretty rough, but it may still get us there. If two or more are disabled, it is time to shut the car off and seek help.

For me, about two and a half cylinders were disabled at the time when I interacted with a few people in my circle. I was angry (my primary emotion), tired, and little lonely. The HALT approach would have helped me identify some of the primary causes of the hijacked emotional state. My emotional glass was cloudy, and it spilled out on those around me.

Of the four parts of HALT, lonely was the one state that at first felt strange to consider until I unpacked it a little. It is easy for me to identify when I am hungry, angry or even tired. Identifying the lonely that proved most valuable. Most days I am surrounded by people, but do not have time to connect deeply. Connecting with others becomes even harder as I pack more and more events into work and life, but the lonely remains.

HALT helped me as an “after-the-fact” diagnosis of what happened, and the new goal is to use it prior or during the next stressful event.  I hope it provides you with some insight into your world and your relationships.

After apologizing and trying to own my emotional state, I went and had breakfast with a close friend. With the lonely cylinder repaired, the engine is beginning to run smoothly again.

The “Know Yourself” Message

Posted on by Carl Weber

Know Yourself. Change the WorldOne of my first posts involved explaining the tagline for what this little adventure is all about. The “Know Yourself. Change the World.” post was almost a year and a half ago. I began to reflect on those simple words, and wondered if this message is still valid. Wondering if this message still resonates.

Imagine my surprise when I opened up a Christmas present from my oldest daughters. It was a coffee mug that they had customized for me. Right there on the mug was the tagline, the message. They both read my posts (when they are not studying hard while away at college…hint, hint). The message resonated enough for them to include it in my Christmas gift.

Sometimes a simple confirmation is all that we need. Someone to recognize the efforts we are putting forward. This gift is more than just a vessel for my coffee. This gift is a daily reminder that the message resonates and to keep trying to change the world by helping others know themselves.

What is your message? Where can you help encourage someone else’s message?

As for what is on the other side of the mug, well that is a story for another day.

The Successful Solution Trap

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Successful Solution

Success is great. The trouble with success is that over time, you begin to rely on that success the next time. And the next time, and the next. The prior solution may have been great, and after a few successes, you may even have a few various solutions up your sleeve. Maybe you even have five. But these are a pretty solid five solutions that have worked in the past. You rely on them, and they solved a lot of issues.

But what about when there is a need that doesn’t match your five?  How many times is someone describing their issue, their problem, their need and you are just trying to figure out how to make it fit into one of your solutions?

This success solution trap became real to me a few weeks ago.  I took a call.  I listened for a few minutes.  I had a plan.

“This should solve your issue, and I will send over an outline.”

I opened up an old document that was a successful solution in the past, made a few changes and sent it over.  The reply was not what I was expecting.

“What is this? How is this going to solve our issue?”

I stepped back and replayed the call in my mind while looking at my notes. I was so worried about fitting their issue into my solution, I even ignored my own notes. Shortly after, I re-drafted a new solution and sent it over. It was the right fit, and much more creative than my old canned solution.

It takes a little more work, but new creativity beats old successful solutions. I want to learn from the past successful solutions, but not become a slave to them.

100 Blog Posts…100 Lessons

Posted on by Carl Weber

This is it, my 100th Blog Entry.  A friend suggested that I write about what I learned over the past year (and a few months) when I reach this milestone.  These are the lessons I learned along the way.

1.  Some days blogging is hard.

2.  Some days blogging is easy.

3.  Writing is much different from presenting or speaking.

4.  Writer’s block stinks.

5.  Writing takes discipline.

6.  Discipline is not my favorite thing.

7.  Blogging connects you to the world.

8.  Blogs encourage other people to write.

9.  Keep reading and learning.

10.  Kids provide a lot of material.

11.  Work provides a lot of material.

12.  Life provides a lot of material.

13.  Be open about your own failures.

14.  Write about when you fail.

15.  Write about when you succeed.

16.  Remember that not everyone in the world reads your blog.

17.  Remember that not everyone in your own circles reads your blog.

18.  Try to write at least once a week.

19.  Don’t beat yourself up when you don’t write.

20.  Your followers are important.

21.  The number of followers is not important.

22.  Be vulnerable.

23.  Read other people’s blogs.

24.  When you have an idea for a blog, write it down, or make a voice recording in your phone.  If you don’t, you will forget.

25.  Find a time and place to write that doesn’t distract you.

26.  Find a great editor.

27.  My wife is a great editor.

28.  Don’t expect your editor to edit at the last-minute just because you want to get your blog posted.

29.  The titles of your blogs matter.

30.  Don’t be obsessed with checking the stats counter.

31.  Some people find your blog by accident.

32.  Some people try hard to become a blog entry.

33.  Some people are horrified at the thought of becoming a blog entry.

34.  First, do no harm.

35.  Your stories are your perspective, not absolute truth.

36.  Think.

37.  Think before you write.

38.  Read your posts before you hit the publish button.

39.  Save often.

40.  Don’t be snarky.

41.  The posts you wrestle with the most, resonate with most.

42.  Write about what you need to change in yourself.

43.  Sarcasm is not your friend.

44.  Humor works, but not at the expense of others.

45.  Suggest, don’t direct.

46.  If you get a ton of hits in one day, it is because they are looking for something or someone else.

47.  Take the risk.

48.  Be yourself.

49.  Respond to comments.

50.  This is halfway through the list of 100 Lessons.

51.  Don’t be frustrated when it doesn’t save, the next draft will be even better.

52.  Don’t place limits on yourself.

53.  Use spell check.

54.  Observe life.

55.  Follow through is important.

56.  Don’t be afraid.

57.  When you re-post something, like a Ted.com talk, some people consider that cheating.

58.  When all else fails, re-post something.

59.  When you are stuck, try a survey.

60.  Try to leave this world a better place.

61.  You are creative.

62.  Be creative.

63.  Share your gifts.

64.  Your Narrator will fight against you when you write.

65.  It is fun/scary when your kids read your blog.

66.  It is fun/scary when your parents read your blog.

67.  Helping just one person on their journey is worth it.

68.  Don’t rant.

69.  Only make a list of 100 things once (it is harder than you thought).

70.  Be humble.

71.  Set yearly goals.

72.  Be accountable.

73.  Connect with other people in real life.

74.  Don’t be upset that your most popular post was not about you.

75.  Listen to other people’s story.

76.  Sometimes great story’s will find you.

77.  Be the hero in someone’s story.

78.  Fame and importance are not the same thing.

79.  Be important.

80.  Try to be better in your actual life.

81.  Be thankful.

82.  Dream big.

83.  Brace for failure.

84.  Get back up.

85.  Remind yourself that you are okay.

86.  Remain teachable.

87.  Coffee helps…but not too much.

88.  Bounce ideas off others.

89.  Don’t take criticism too personally.

90.  Find your voice.

91.  Help others.

92.  Tell your story.

93.  Try.

94.  Try again.

95.  You will get better the more you write.

96.  You will make an impact.

97.  You cannot make an impact by keeping your thoughts inside.

98.  Don’t give up.

99.  Know yourself.

100.  Keep trying to Change the World!

The Long Hardened Road

Posted on by Carl Weber

800px-The_Long_Road_Ahead

Photo by Jon Rawlinson accessed on Wikimedia Commons

While working with a group we were discussing the stress associated with their jobs.  We discussed the role of that emotional intelligence plays in dealing with that stress, and how their glass can become cloudy.  The conversation took an interesting turn.

The cloudy glass image helped them identify their current emotional state, but did not address the larger picture.

They were on a journey.  They began their careers with hopes, dreams, and a passion to serve.  Over the years, the negative or stressful parts of their job, caused a hardness to form.  With every subsequent negative event, they would take a step down a long hardened road.

This journey was not overnight.  Each step was subtle, and not readily noticeable.  Days passed.  Weeks passed.  Years passed.  One day they found themselves becoming so hardened, so far down that road that they were was almost unrecognizable.

“How did we get so far down this road?”

“When did we become so hardened towards the job and the people?”

“How do we get back?”

The trouble with incremental steps is the difficulty noticing the change.  They never planned to go so far down that road, to become so hardened.  It was just one step.  But one step became another, and another, and another.  It wasn’t until they looked back years later that they saw the distance they had traveled.

I began to wonder.  How many times does this happen to us?  A bad event happens, and it hardens us.  Then another comes our way.  Another disappointment, another failure, another hardship.  We begin to walk down that road and the result is a hardness as our hopes and dreams fade.

Where have you walked down this road?  How can you begin to take a step back?  This group collectively agreed to find their way back.  May we all find the strength follow them.