Category: Knowing Yourself

私に好意的に見てください (Please look favorably on me)

Posted on by Carl Weber

At breakfast the other day, a close friend mentioned that a Japanese exchange student would be staying with them soon. In order to prepare for the visit, they were brushing up on their Japanese to welcome the student.

At first I thought “who brushes up on their Japanese?” but I pushed that reaction down to listen to the phrases.

The phrases began with “nice to meet you” and “I am (insert your name)” pretty standard interaction when meeting with new people.

It was the third phrase that caught my attention.

“It is a pleasure to meet you” or more literally “please look favorably on me”.

I was struck by the importance of this request: please look favorably on me. It is a simple request. Essentially be nice to me and treat me well, but for me it went a little deeper.

Please look favorably on me includes not reading into my actions and assuming negative motives. Please look favorably on me encourages others to look towards the positive and not simply pointing out my flaws or shortcomings. Please look favorably on me asks for the benefit of the doubt and a level of grace for who I am and what I do.

How many times do we connect with others for the first time, or for the hundredth time that this simple reminder would provide some helpful ground-rules for the interaction.

There are a lot of people who I have to interact with over the next few days that provides numerous opportunities to try this out.

What simple phrase would help you? How can you provide a simple request to assist you in your relationships? What are the few words that could reset the dynamics in your workplace or family?

Having the courage to utter the phrase may be hard, but the reward may be worth the risk of being vulnerable.

I will let you know how it goes…but first, please look favorably on me.

I still have work to do…

Posted on by Carl Weber

About a month ago, I attended training on a new tool to help match individuals to a job, or to help coach them on a deeper level. This new tool can identify someone’s capacity in various attributes, and how they view the world, understand systems and people. The tool doesn’t stop at the outside world.

This new approach also takes a peek at how you are doing on the inside. Do you understand and balance your various roles, do you see your future as bright or muddled, and are you moving forward or just hanging on.

During the training, the instructor eventually passed out our results throughout the room. My little table of four slowly received the results and each person began flipping through the pages to gain some insight. Somewhat guarded, we all peered at the pages occasionally glancing at the others at the table. Eventually we shared the results.

Despite the individual variation, there was one theme. Each person at the table had a good handle on other people and how to help them (most were consultants or HR professionals), but all of us could use a little work on ourselves. I couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy and my Narrator seemed to try to tell me that unless I get my own act together, I shouldn’t be telling others how to improve.

In the far left corner of the room, there was another consultant. This consultant has been working with individuals and companies for almost 43 years. When speaking or providing insight during the session the room hushed as if everyone in the room wanted to let the words and insight of this wise sage penetrate our minds. It was amazing and intimidating at the same time.

This consultant called me yesterday. Mostly because of my half-joking statement at the end of class when each of us was asked to say what we learned the most during the training.

“I learned that I need to be coached by you” I said speaking directly to that consultant.

It got a laugh, but imagine my surprise during our call. When we were discussing some of the potential areas I may need to develop and work on, I heard the following.

“You know Carl, when I read my own results and report, I realize that I still have work to do.”

It was reassuring that someone who has worked with others almost as long as I have been alive still has work to do and their development journey is far from over.

This conversation reminded me that there are two paths.

One path makes a bold statement.

“I have it all figured out and I will tell you how to make your life, career, job, and world better.”

The second path echoes the simpler statement I heard while on the phone.

“We are on this collective journey together. We still have work to do and if some of the insights we learn help us…great. Let’s see where this takes us.”

I still have work to do, and I look forward to this journey together.

Badfriend.com

Posted on by Carl Weber

badfriend

Have you ever had that friend that just drifted away? You stopped calling. They stopped calling. Weeks pass and evolve into months. The next thing you know, years pass. When you reflect on the relationship, there were no major fights or arguments, but time creates this sort of distance between you. That distance becomes a larger and larger incentive not to pick up that phone, or send that text. Even worse, when you mount the courage to send that message, it is not returned and your efforts are in vain.

While reconnecting with a close friend recently (it had been years without calling or connecting) we talked about ways to prevent this in the future. Both of us need to commit to calling, texting or emailing each other. It makes it harder that this particular friend is 1,824 miles away so the odds of bumping into each other at the local market is pretty slight.

In order to ensure that we stay connected, we came up with an idea for a website and service for anyone who needs a little help being a better friend.

In the spirit of creating funny domain names, we called it badfriend.com (it is not a real site…yet).

Here is how it would work.

You sign up on the website and identify your friends. Your friends are either already members or you can invite them to the service. There are various levels of connection services that help remind you to send that email or text. You can initiate that conversation through the website or app, and automatic reminders are sent to remind you to connect with your friends. You would have your own email address @badfriend.com and the system would send your friends notice when you were not meeting your requirements as a friend.

If you do not connect regularly you are charged a penalty.  However, if you do connect with your friends you earn points. These points enter you into a lottery for cash prizes, similar to the experiment that VW did with speed camera in Sweden.

Relationships are not always easy. Being a good friend takes work. Imagine how amazing it would be to have a website and app managing it all for you and creating the right incentives and penalty.

Until then, it is up to us to make the decision to stay connected, pick up that phone, or send that message.

If it has been a while since you called or connected, you can always start how I initiated my conversation with this friend:

“Hi, this is Carl@badfriend.com, I am sorry for not connecting, lets start again.”

Pick one friend, the one that was once close but time has created distance. It won’t be easy, but pick a day within the next week and connect, it may just be worth it.

20,000 Views: 20,000 Thanks

Posted on by Carl Weber

20,000 visits

Today is a milestone: 20,000 views on the blog. I am blown away by this whole blogging phenomenon and how each of us can spread ideas across the globe. Blogging made me think about the printing press and how when it was introduced it created fear because it would mean anyone could print their ideas…unedited and uncontrolled. Those same detractors would never have been able to fathom the ability to spread an idea across the globe in a single click.

This milestone could not have happened without YOU! I am humbled and honored to be in this space and have people who connect with this attempt to Change the World.

Thank you to my wife and editor who puts up with my anxious “did you read/proof it yet” seconds after I send her the draft.

Thank you to my daughters who provide inspiration and material and generally put up with me. Together we have conquered fear, hikes, our first race, and you provide things to hold in my pocket when I am away.

Thank you to friends who provided ideas, thoughts, and even artwork for this blog.

Thank you to my Mom and the Navy for helping to shape and mold me.

Thank you to Talin Orfali, a Canadian writer who followed and encouraged me early on.

Thank you to the people from over 139 countries who recently visited. Most of you were looking for something else, but it is flattering.

Thank you for everyone who was looking for a trophy cup image or sporting cup event, but found the cup post by accident. (Search “Trophy Cup” on Google Images)

Most of all Thank YOU for reading, encouraging, and helping me develop some thoughts around helping to Change the World.

Who knows, it just may work.

Recovery Days

Posted on by Carl Weber

Life can be hectic. Work can be demanding. Our schedules fill up with commitments. This endless sea of activity will take its toll.

Our bodies wear down. We become sick.

Our creativity decreases. We go through the motions like empty shells.

Our relationships suffer. We react instead of respond to others.

What is the solution? Since no progress has been made on the Super Secret Bonus Day, the solution requires some discipline.

During a much-needed get away with some amazing friends, we discussed possible solutions. The consensus was clear: Recovery Days.

Recovery Days are days that each of us has to put on our calendars periodically that allow us to gain back energy (rest), creativity, and connection. These Recovery Days become more important during seasons of our lives that require more creativity, more commitment, or more hours.

Striking this balance can seem impossible. Don’t wait too long, or until your calendar is already packed. Once your calendar is full, it is too late. As your calendar begins to fill and commitments are piling up, find the space for a Recovery Day and lock the day. Honor the commitment to yourself in the same way you would for a client or customer.

I just scheduled my first Recovery Day for June, right after a busy two weeks. Go ahead and schedule your Recovery Day today. Imagine what your work, creativity, and relationships may look like when you have recovered. You may find yourself ready to take on that next challenge, and who knows, it may just Change the World.

The Conclusion

Posted on by Carl Weber

This post will make more sense if you read the original post.

Click here for the original adventure post.

Our oldest daughter’s bucket list had this mountain remaining as we set out for attempt number 2.  She will graduate in a few short days, so it became important to try again before she receives her diploma. For the past few weeks it has been cold, but the weather broke and it became just warm enough to hike, but cold enough to ward off the bugs. Duct tape is now a staple of our packing supplies and there was another round of our youngest’s “dam” jokes as we approached the trail.

There is something strange about trying to achieve something that is difficult when you failed the first time. There was a little more determination combined with a little more seriousness in the plan and the pace.

We couldn’t help but talk about shoes that disintegrated and how the first attempt was not successful. With each passing step the goal seemed within reach. New challenges presented themselves with periodic patches of mud and snow (yes there is still snow here on the trails in April), but we pressed on.

This time we had an adventure without the bonus surprise adventure. Sometimes it feels good to have your plans work out without extra stress that the unexpected brings. Certainly the first attempt helped to prepare for the second and brought with it a focus that was not present during the first try. It was interesting to notice the lack of complaining and an increase in encouraging each other that accompanied this new attempt, even though the route was much steeper than the original.

We are going to make it.

You can do it, we are almost there.

I suppose the conclusion is this:

Our first attempts that result in failure can be what helps us succeed IF we try again. Trying again can be hard, but sometimes the view at the top becomes well worth the effort.

The Mountain Top