Author: Carl Weber

Carl Weber, is the owner and founder of Carl Weber Consulting, a consulting group that helps businesses, non-profits, and individuals understand themselves, hire and manage well, and become great leaders. Carl worked in local government for more than ten years, as the Town Administrator of a few towns in NH. Once upon a time he was a search and rescue swimmer for the US Navy. Carl holds Bachelors’ Degrees in Political Science & Community Development and a Master’s Degree in Public Policy. Carl is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Motivators Analyst (CPMA). Carl regularly teaches on human factors and the relationship of behavior and leadership styles, as well as motivation, coaching, leadership challenges, and failing as a leader. His passion is to help leaders in their lifelong journey to finish well, to combat and work with their inner voice, and to live a meaningful story worth reading. Carl lives in Southern New Hampshire with his wife Amanda and together they are raising a small tribe of four young (somewhat crazy) women with the goal of unleashing them on the world to change it for the better.

What did you want to be when you were a kid?

Posted on by Carl Weber

I was meeting with someone the other day who is moving away and making some life changes because their spouse’s job requires it.  During our meeting, we discussed careers and how the recent changes were about to create a real directional shift.  What started as a series of questions regarding their current field took an interesting turn.

 “Are you going to try to find a job in your field?”

“I am not sure, I have been doing this for a while.”

“Well, what did you want to be when you were a kid?”

It is a pretty simple question, but a stunned silence filled the next few moments.  Their face said it all.  There was something deep down that had been with them since their youth, but had not been uttered in years.

“I wanted to be an Egyptologist.”

The remainder of our time together included trying to figure out just exactly how an elementary kid even knew that that job existed.  We tried to determine how long this job idea continued.  It appears to have continued through the beginning of high school.  But reality set in later in school, and the pursuit of more concrete and practical jobs prevailed.  I could see by the spark and enthusiasm that came alive at the mention of this forgotten dream that it still held some power.

“So, where you are going, do they have a good museum?” I asked.

“Yes, yes they do.  Maybe I can try to get a job with them, or at the very least, volunteer some time.”

“Great idea.”

What did YOU want to be when you were a kid?  A pilot, an astronaut, a teacher, a writer, a baker, a dancer, an artist, a hero…an Egyptologist?  It is not too late to reach towards the dream of your youth.  Maybe just remembering will provide the spark you need to try something new.  Go ahead, the world is waiting for you.

The “My Way” Blind Spot

Posted on by Carl Weber

We all have blind spots.  You have them, I have them, we all have them.  The hardest part about blind spots is that we do not see them.  I suppose that is why we call them “blind spots.”  When this happens while driving, another car can essentially disappear from view, yet be right beside us. If we turn or change lanes, the damage will be immediate and severe.

When our blind spots are personal, the damage is no less great, but they can occur gradually…almost without our notice.  Until we discover our personal blind spots (typically because someone else points them out) we tend to just plug along not realizing the damage we are causing by this inherent flaw in our perspective.

Recently I discovered that I suffer from the “My Way” blind spot.  This was reluctantly pointed out to me by my team after I wanted a project to be done a certain way.  The banter between them went something like this…

“You mean you wanted it done the “Carl Weber Way?”

“Yeah, it is like Carlito’s Way, only with less violence.”

“Most of the time when you assign a project we will end up doing it your way in the end, even if we have other ideas.”

I was stunned.  I resisted the natural urge to defend myself and just listened.  Arguing about your blind spot is as foolish as turning your car into that crowded lane because you just know there is no car there…while hearing the crash.  Instead I listened.  I really listened.  It became clear that the “My Way” blind spot was real and having an impact on others.  My tendency to delegate without freedom created tension and a lack of trust.  Over time, this can create followers who feel unable to be creative or do things their own way.

Identifying the blind spot was the first step.  The next, and much harder step, is trying to figure out how to change a pattern of behavior that I didn’t know existed.  It will not be easy, but leading well never is.  I will have to check those mirrors a little more often before changing lanes.

What is your blind spot?  Where are you speeding along without seeing what is right beside you?  Are you causing unaware damage?

My advice today is simple: Listen and look.  But be prepared to deal with what you find.

Taking a Vacation From…

Posted on by Carl Weber

We are taking a vacation.  Yes, it just so happens that next week is vacation but that is not the vacation that matters.  Last night while tucking the kids into bed we had an idea. We should take a vacation from something that isn’t working for us.

This week was a short week because of a holiday, and for some reason we all seemed to have more homework, stress and projects that ended up increasing the grumpy dialogue between us.  Last night while tucking everyone in, we decided to take a vacation.  A vacation from raising our voices to each other.

Why not take a vacation from that one thing for the next week? Spend today thinking about that one thing that you should put on the shelf for the next 7 days…and put it away. The next week you have a free pass from engaging in that thing.  It may not be helping you anyway.

What do you need a vacation from?  Raising your voice?  Being critical? Procrastination?  Fear?  Being Snarkey?

For us, we came up with a code if one of us begins to violate our new vacation agreement:

“I’m sorry, we are on vacation!”

You deserve a vacation.  Perhaps those around you do as well.

When Dreams Don’t Work Out

Posted on by Carl Weber

Let’s face it, not all of our dreams work out.  We set goals, we have a vision of the future and something derails, delays, or simply denies it from happening.  What do we do in the face of this failure?

I suppose we have a choice to make.  We can choose to pick up the pieces, see what we could have done better (maybe), and start to aim towards another dream or goal.  Or, we can become tainted, cynical, and hardened.  Yes, those seem like two extreme views, but by not consciously picking the first, we tend to end up in the second even if we do not realize it.

Life can at times be harder than we imagined.  When I think about life, there are way more long-periods of monotony with brief moments of excitement (good or bad).  What seems to break up the daily routine of life is a dream.  The strange little hope that you can make a difference, do something great, and alter your story and the stories of those around you.

So the next time that dream starts to become just a faded light in the rear-view mirror, stop looking back, look forward and find the next dream…and the next…and the next. Make the choice, and don’t let the hardening of disappointment in…dream instead. 

How Do You Define Teamwork?

Posted on by Carl Weber

Teamwork.  There is a seemingly endless list of how to define it, thousands of books written about it, and the notion that we should all strive to obtain it.  Teamwork has been rattling around in my head lately, and I was trying to remember a defining moment for any team where I was a member.  Nothing was coming to mind until I met recently with a member of this team for breakfast.

This particular team had been through some rough times together, but also celebrated well during successes.  The defining moment that I remember was during a meeting where we had been instructed to reduce our budget.  It wasn’t just a little reduction, the reduction was large enough that it would cause everyone in the room to take a hit.  I had instructed each of them to bring a list of what was important that needed to remain, and a list of what could be reduced.

One by one, each member of this team shared their list.  The items on the lists were important things that would have a significant impact on each person’s part of the operation, their ability to provide the right level of service.  After all the lists were read, it became quiet.  Part of me expected the real battle to begin, and each person around that table would start lobbying about why their department should be retained, and someone else should take the cut.

It was at this very moment that I witnessed teamwork, and what I heard had and still has an impact on me.

“After listening to the group, their lists seem more important to the overall operation.  I think I can reduce a little more.”

“I can take the hit, let’s make sure that other department has what it needs this year.”

“I don’t know how I am going to explain this to my employees, but I am withdrawing my list of needs, the other lists just seem more pressing.”

One by one, every member of that team saw the overall organization and operation as more important than their particular department, silo, or fiefdom.  Each member of that team knew that the only “win” was ensuring that the organization “won” not whether or not it was a “win” for them individually.

How should we define teamwork?  Maybe the definition is simple.  Teamwork is when everyone that is working together can look beyond themselves, see the larger picture, and “take the hit” for others.

Learning to Say NO!

Posted on by Carl Weber

(Image Courtesy of Sharon Young: Thanks Sharon!)

Learning to say “No” is not always easy.  People ask us to agree to things all the time.

“Will you help out on this committee?”

“Can we get together soon?”

“Will you watch my kids, paint my house, be my friend, volunteer your time, follow me and my cause, buy crap from my kids (well you get the idea).”

I am beginning to hear what I call the “soft yes” in response to these multiple requests. The “soft yes” isn’t really a yes, it is a “no” veiled in terms that are our attempt to politely decline, but we don’t feel comfortable saying it.  I find myself doing this at times and recently this is what I am hearing:

“I guess I can.”

“If I have to.”

“Maybe…”

“Okay.”

How many times have you agreed to something where your heart really wasn’t into it, and you would have preferred to say “no”?  In striking a balance between your life, your work, your family, and just being you, there will be things you need to say no to.  You cannot be all things to all people, and the over-committed life is not a pleasant one (for you or for those around you).

Where do we start?  In his book, Magnificent Mind at Any Age, Dr. Daniel Amen states that the inability to say no (or impulsively say yes) creates an overwhelmed state where you become immersed with other people’s priorities that distract you from your own goals. He offers us a way to reply and encourages us to learn the following phrase when someone asks us to do something:

“I need to think about it.  If I want to do it, I will get back to you.”

Wow.  Simple yet effective.  That one phrase may help bring needed balance to your life. Be prepared, if you have been on “automatic yes” or “soft no” and still agreeing in the end, this may feel strange to those around you.  It is funny, just recently I realized how much I have been giving a “soft no” to someone who has been trying to get together with me, but the truth is I should have just said no instead of stringing them along and rescheduling the meeting.

Try it out, let me know how it works.  This may bring some needed balance to your life, and let you find yourself, not just serve others.  Use it well, and let me know how it goes.  I have a hard phone call to make, but it would have been easier if I had used this phrase in the beginning.

“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes.  It is very easy to say yes.”  Tony Blair