Author: Carl Weber

Carl Weber, is the owner and founder of Carl Weber Consulting, a consulting group that helps businesses, non-profits, and individuals understand themselves, hire and manage well, and become great leaders. Carl worked in local government for more than ten years, as the Town Administrator of a few towns in NH. Once upon a time he was a search and rescue swimmer for the US Navy. Carl holds Bachelors’ Degrees in Political Science & Community Development and a Master’s Degree in Public Policy. Carl is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Motivators Analyst (CPMA). Carl regularly teaches on human factors and the relationship of behavior and leadership styles, as well as motivation, coaching, leadership challenges, and failing as a leader. His passion is to help leaders in their lifelong journey to finish well, to combat and work with their inner voice, and to live a meaningful story worth reading. Carl lives in Southern New Hampshire with his wife Amanda and together they are raising a small tribe of four young (somewhat crazy) women with the goal of unleashing them on the world to change it for the better.

Recovery Days

Posted on by Carl Weber

Life can be hectic. Work can be demanding. Our schedules fill up with commitments. This endless sea of activity will take its toll.

Our bodies wear down. We become sick.

Our creativity decreases. We go through the motions like empty shells.

Our relationships suffer. We react instead of respond to others.

What is the solution? Since no progress has been made on the Super Secret Bonus Day, the solution requires some discipline.

During a much-needed get away with some amazing friends, we discussed possible solutions. The consensus was clear: Recovery Days.

Recovery Days are days that each of us has to put on our calendars periodically that allow us to gain back energy (rest), creativity, and connection. These Recovery Days become more important during seasons of our lives that require more creativity, more commitment, or more hours.

Striking this balance can seem impossible. Don’t wait too long, or until your calendar is already packed. Once your calendar is full, it is too late. As your calendar begins to fill and commitments are piling up, find the space for a Recovery Day and lock the day. Honor the commitment to yourself in the same way you would for a client or customer.

I just scheduled my first Recovery Day for June, right after a busy two weeks. Go ahead and schedule your Recovery Day today. Imagine what your work, creativity, and relationships may look like when you have recovered. You may find yourself ready to take on that next challenge, and who knows, it may just Change the World.

The Conclusion

Posted on by Carl Weber

This post will make more sense if you read the original post.

Click here for the original adventure post.

Our oldest daughter’s bucket list had this mountain remaining as we set out for attempt number 2.  She will graduate in a few short days, so it became important to try again before she receives her diploma. For the past few weeks it has been cold, but the weather broke and it became just warm enough to hike, but cold enough to ward off the bugs. Duct tape is now a staple of our packing supplies and there was another round of our youngest’s “dam” jokes as we approached the trail.

There is something strange about trying to achieve something that is difficult when you failed the first time. There was a little more determination combined with a little more seriousness in the plan and the pace.

We couldn’t help but talk about shoes that disintegrated and how the first attempt was not successful. With each passing step the goal seemed within reach. New challenges presented themselves with periodic patches of mud and snow (yes there is still snow here on the trails in April), but we pressed on.

This time we had an adventure without the bonus surprise adventure. Sometimes it feels good to have your plans work out without extra stress that the unexpected brings. Certainly the first attempt helped to prepare for the second and brought with it a focus that was not present during the first try. It was interesting to notice the lack of complaining and an increase in encouraging each other that accompanied this new attempt, even though the route was much steeper than the original.

We are going to make it.

You can do it, we are almost there.

I suppose the conclusion is this:

Our first attempts that result in failure can be what helps us succeed IF we try again. Trying again can be hard, but sometimes the view at the top becomes well worth the effort.

The Mountain Top

Build Up or Tear Down?

Posted on by Carl Weber

Stones on the Beach

I have a habit of making cairns, especially when we spend time on the rocky coast of Maine. There is a challenge to find the right stones that will fit together, balance against the wind, and rise up to leave their mark on the landscape. These reminders provide some sense of identity along the somewhat anonymous coast that someone stood on that spot and created.

When creating in this space, one must acknowledge that eventually the pounding surf will remove all evidence of your work. The never-ending cycle of water will topple any temporary reminder of any creation, but something compels us to create near the ocean despite the inevitable. Something about letting the ocean reclaim these stones seems appropriate.

After creating these three cairns the other day, we walked further up the coast to another small beach and passed a couple with a child. We did the obligatory head nod and smile as we passed and eventually we turned around and headed back past our creation. To my surprise, we saw the couple and child again, at the site of our creation. Instead of admiring our work, they were standing at the path and throwing rocks to topple the cairns.

They must have seen it in my face when I gazed upon their actions and they spoke first.

Did you create these?

Yes.

There was an awkward pause. Stones in hand, they looked at me as if they had done something wrong and were waiting for some clue from me on how to proceed. It was a struggle to fight my initial instinct to be angry or upset at them. I did not own the stones, the ocean, or the coast. My creation was temporary and the changing tides would return these stones to their rightful home within a few hours anyway, but the rush of emotion was still present. I knew I had to say something.

It is totally okay. Some people build up, and others tear down.

I smiled. Eventually they smiled too and restarted their stone throwing and we moved on.

When you build something, however temporary it is hard to watch it used for something else when you knew its original purpose. Change can be hard. What seems like tearing down, may just be a new and innovative use for what you built. But when someone else sees a new use for your creation it can still feel like a loss to you. Perhaps your creation had its run, served its purpose, but its time has passed.

So when someone is changing your creation ask yourself, is it time to build up or tear down?

Which Race Are You Running?

Posted on by Carl Weber

Yesterday I got to cross off a goal from my list. I ran a 5K.  Sure, running a 5K is a perfectly good goal. Running a 5K has been on my yearly goal list for a few years and I have been able to cross it off each year. This year the goal was different. Simply running a 5K was not the goal yesterday. The actual goal was to run a 5K together with my daughter.

ShoesRunning with my daughter was the goal. We got new shoes (note the distinct advantage I have simply from shoe size) signed us both up a few months ago, and a small competition began. Every few weeks a photo would appear on my phone. The photo was of the treadmill time of her latest run. In addition to these photos, periodic smack-talk began to appear alongside.

Once I get new shoes maybe I’ll smoke you in a race 😉

Perhaps as a way to defend myself, photos of my treadmill times were exchanged (especially when my times were faster), along with various replies, especially when she was getting nervous.

I’m kind of nervous!! I hope I’m not too far after you 😁

Luckily you will have your dad at your side encouraging you

And I hope to have my dad behind me cheering me on

This would cause more photos, and faster times, and more replies. This banter and friendly competition helped both of us stay on track and keep running so we would be ready for race day. But when race day arrived, something happened.

A few people who I know were also racing that day. I tend to be competitive by nature and I have been running at my fastest pace in years. I felt a different goal rise up inside me. This was my chance. A chance to finally demonstrate that I was faster than these other runners and have a “win” and obliterate my last year’s time. My daughter must have sensed something because she casually mentioned that it would be okay if I ran ahead, despite our earlier goal of running together.

I had a choice to make. And isn’t this a choice we all face at some point? We work together with other people. The original idea is a team achievement, then an individual opportunity comes our way. What we decide in that moment is important. Do we honor our original commitment? Do we give into ourselves and break away from the pack in order to “win”? I had to ask myself:

Which race are you running?

My choice appears below. (I am wearing the red hat, she is in the bright yellow shirt.)

As for beating those other people, there is plenty of time and plenty of races ahead of us. (And they should know that I am coming after them in the next race.) For now, I am happy with my choice. A message on my phone as she was driving back to school confirmed that it was the best choice.

But you’re a great dad and ran with me so basically you won the whole race

Today, make sure you are running the right race…It may just change the world.

Support

Posted on by Carl Weber

Support

Support takes many forms. Support can be listening to a friend, or coworker. Support can be making a meal, or remembering to call. Support can be a random text that reminds another person that you are there and thinking of them.

Support is being the kind of boss that remembers that people have lives outside of work. Support is the parent that encourages, even when things are tough. Support is helping people stretch, especially when they are afraid. Support is help picking up the pieces when it goes wrong.

Lending a hand. Helping others. We all need support. We all provide support.

In the long run, support must be in balance in our lives. We are receiving support while providing support to others. Many times this balance is disrupted. Either we are receiving a disproportional share, or providing the increased support. In the short-term, this one-sided equation is acceptable. Perhaps an event required this unequal ledger (loss of a loved one, job, or relationship). Righting that balance requires us to understand the role of support in our lives.

Sometimes you find yourself in a support deficit, that place where you have been providing support without reciprocation. The support deficit can be draining, and may be a sign that you need to set some boundaries with those around you. It may signal that you need to speak up.

What support are you providing? What support are you receiving? Are you remembering to give as you receive? Is there that friend who calls, but you do not initiate calls? Call them.  Is there someone coaching you and encouraging you? Reach out to them, but not just because you have a need.

Use your own need as a measure of how you could be providing support to others.

Need encouragement? Encourage. Need a friend? Be one. Need help? Be helpful.

You can do it. Together we can change the world.

HALT or you may regret the outcome

Posted on by Carl Weber

About half way through a session with senior leaders on how emotional intelligence impacts the work place, I had to admit that the prior day I failed miserably at it myself. Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess, and control your own emotions, while being able to empathize and work with others and their emotional state.

The discussion traveled toward finding ways to slow the world down, and understand your own emotional situation. We talked about identifying certain negative emotional triggers, or those events, people, or activities that can hijack you and cause you to react instead of respond to those around you.

One leader spoke up about a technique that served them well during their career. This technique was a simple way that a mentor encouraged them to think about their emotional state, before the term emotional intelligence was in the mainstream.

One simple word: HALT

HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. When you feel yourself getting emotionally charged, you are supposed to stop (the word HALT helps you remember that part) and ask yourself if any of these attributes are true.

Am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired?

These four states are not exclusive and more than one can be true at the same time. The mentor compared these four to an engine: one with four cylinders. If all four are in a good state, the engine (our emotional state) runs smooth and without issues. If one cylinder becomes disabled, the engine starts to run pretty rough, but it may still get us there. If two or more are disabled, it is time to shut the car off and seek help.

For me, about two and a half cylinders were disabled at the time when I interacted with a few people in my circle. I was angry (my primary emotion), tired, and little lonely. The HALT approach would have helped me identify some of the primary causes of the hijacked emotional state. My emotional glass was cloudy, and it spilled out on those around me.

Of the four parts of HALT, lonely was the one state that at first felt strange to consider until I unpacked it a little. It is easy for me to identify when I am hungry, angry or even tired. Identifying the lonely that proved most valuable. Most days I am surrounded by people, but do not have time to connect deeply. Connecting with others becomes even harder as I pack more and more events into work and life, but the lonely remains.

HALT helped me as an “after-the-fact” diagnosis of what happened, and the new goal is to use it prior or during the next stressful event.  I hope it provides you with some insight into your world and your relationships.

After apologizing and trying to own my emotional state, I went and had breakfast with a close friend. With the lonely cylinder repaired, the engine is beginning to run smoothly again.