Category: Our Words

The Librarian and the Library of Memories and Thoughts

Posted on by Carl Weber

I am considering placing a help wanted ad.

Help wanted: The Librarian for the library of my memories and thoughts.

Not just any Librarian.

A cool Librarian like my friend Deb (the nocturnal librarian).

Duties include cataloging all of my old memories and thoughts, and being a gatekeeper of sorts.

Let me explain.

Memories are weird things. They seem accurate, but may not be exactly what happened. Our memories may evolve each time we access them.

According to Daniela Schiller (assistant professor of neuroscience and psychiatry) “if we retrieve an emotional memory and then experience it in a different way, it is going to change…this means that memory traces are dynamic, so each time we retrieve a memory it might change.”

I have a tendency to carry around some weird, embarrassing, or somewhat traumatic memories like overdue exaggerated library books. Picture walking through life with two arm-loads of books. Arm-loads that are so heavy that your arms are out and away from your body, like flightless wings. Books that have become written, retrieved, changed, and re-written.

That book about the time I was supposed to play the clarinet while the chorus sang, but I stopped playing in front of all those people.

That book about the time I was lost in the woods.

That book about being scared in my grandmother’s old creepy house.

That book about snakes (any snakes, volumes 1 through 263).

That book about being completely frustrated in school.

The books about the awkward teen years (Volumes 1, 2, and 3).

That book about [insert other emotional memories].

This is why I need the Librarian.

The Librarian would set up some much-needed rules and structure.

The Librarian would come up with creative reading programs that are balanced and provide perspective.

The Librarian would make sure that I could only take out a certain number of these books at one time. Inspect them for changes when they returned, and make me pay a fine for keeping them too long.

Possible Rules:

  1. You can only take out 1 or 2 children’s books at a time.
  2. Only 5 books can be checked out at once, but must not be from the same category. For example, all 5 cannot be from the embarrassment section.
  3. Books can be checked out for two weeks.
  4. Upon return books will be inspected for any changes, distortions, or over-exaggeration.
  5. Positive memory books must always outnumber negative ones. For example, if you are only check out one book, it has to be positive. Three books? Has to be two positive and one negative.

The Librarian position is open until filled. The pay is flexible based on experience, and has a generous benefit package. The workplace is fun, a little weird, but interesting. Please submit your resume and cover letter, and we look forward to hearing from you.

 

 

The More

Posted on by Carl Weber

the-more-1

It is hard to explain.

There is something out there.

Calling us.

Whispering.

“Wake up.”

“Don’t settle.”

“There is more.”

It is easy to find a rut.

Easy to give up or give in, and stop trying something new.

Easy to say, “this is all there is.”

But that voice is persistent.

The voice calling us to something else.

Calling us to The More.

The More hopeful.

The More connecting.

The More inventive.

The More satisfied.

The More of our careers, lives, relationships, and communities.

Don’t settle for less.

Strive for The More.

 

 

The Perfection Perception

Posted on by Carl Weber

“Wow you have such a perfect job.”

“Your life is perfect.”

“Your [relationship, marriage, kids, world, career, friendships, family, neighborhood, choices…and the list goes on] is so perfect.”

The Perfection Perception catches a glimpse from the outside.

The Perfection Perception sees you at your best.

The Perfection Perception creates comparison.

But this is a distorted view.

The Perfection Perception doesn’t see the mess inside.

The Perfection Perception doesn’t see your doubt, worry, stress, and struggle.

The Perfection Perception doesn’t see the hard work, the failure, and the loss.

Beware of the Perfection Perception, it is a cloudy lens that creates separation and unnecessary comparison.

Perfect Timing

Posted on by Carl Weber

“That email was perfect timing, thanks for reaching out.”

“Getting together today was perfect timing.”

“Your words/that card/the call/ was perfect timing, I needed it.”

You reach out to someone else.

You take the time to connect.

You send that note.

You make that call.

Perfect Timing?

Maybe initiating connection with others is always Perfect Timing.

 

Affirmation or Revelation

Posted on by Carl Weber

“I didn’t need it, they don’t need it!”

Usually said loudly and with passion.

Usually said with a negative and sometimes angry tone.

Usually as a response to the idea of coaching, encouraging, or recognizing employees.

Usually while being critical and perhaps judgmental of perceived generational or work-ethic differences.

“I didn’t need someone to tell me I was doing a good job!”

“I didn’t need a trophy just for showing up!”

“I didn’t need to be coached, I just worked hard!”

“I didn’t need a reward, it was my job!”

When these statements enter the room or conversation, pause and watch what happens.

These statements tend to weave their way through the crowd.

There are usually two responses to these statements that you can visibly witness.

  1. Affirmation 
  2. Revelation

Affirmation: people who have experienced similar treatment, management, or upbringing that nod and agree. This is what they were given, and they continue to give the same back to others.

Revelation: people who may have experienced similar treatment, management, or upbringing, but disagree with the past. They are making a decision to give to others in a different way than what as given to them.

After the short silence, typically one of the Revelation responders will speak up.

“I understand that you didn’t receive the affirmation, coaching, or reward along the way in life. I didn’t receive it either, but I realized how much of a negative impact it had on me. Was there a time when you wanted to hear something positive, a simple word of encouragement, or a little coaching?”

With a few simple questions, Affirmation may turn into Revelation.

They did need to be recognized.

They did need some coaching and encouragement.

They did need a reward for the sacrifice they were making.

The lack of what they needed made them hardened.

Instead of Revelation, the result was Affirmation of the very treatment, management, or upbringing that caused the negative impact.

Which response will you have?

Affirmation or Revelation?

Hating Salmon and Lemon Squares

Posted on by Carl Weber

“He hates Salmon.”

“He hates Lemon Squares.”

“He is grumpy if he doesn’t eat.”

“He is grumpy if woken from a nap.”

“He [insert event, either one time or a repeated event that happened, and form a hard-wired rule about the person despite the passage of time, even years].”

There was a time when I didn’t really like eating salmon. You know the poached (was it boiled?) kind smothered in a creamy sauce with dill.

Rule #1: Carl hates salmon.

There was a time when desserts in general were not my favorite, I am more of a savory person, and since periodically I may be training for something or trying to lose weight, sweets of any kind are not my friend.

Rule #2: Carl hates lemon squares.

Years later, the remnants of those rules still appear. People are surprised when I eat Salmon (grilled and savory is my favorite) or take a bite of a lemon square.

The preferences at that moment were not meant to create a hard-wired rule.

The preferences were a snapshot in time.

But, times change.

And people change.

We think we know them.

We think they are the same.

We think we had it right.

How many times have these hard-wired rules created obstacles between us?

How many times have these snapshots been held up as a representation of us?

Be careful of the hard-wired rule trap.

You have changed, and so have the people around you.

P.S. I am also not always grumpy because I am hungry or when I wake from a nap, sometimes I am just grumpy.