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Yes.
But I am tired.
Yes.
But I want to rest.
Yes.
But I would much rather [insert distraction here].
Yes.
But it will be hard.
Yes.
But I may fail.
Yes.
But people may laugh at me.
Yes.
But I am afraid.
Yes.
But I am not qualified.
Yes.
But I am not ready.
Yes.
Learning to say Yes while wading through the obstacle swamp our minds and bodies create for us may make all the difference.
We need anchors.
Connections to something real.
Reminders of who we are.
Solid tethers to what is true.
Storms come.
Physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually…
Some storms are generated by our insecurity.
Other storms are the result of another’s activity.
Some storms just seem to come without warning.
Anchors need to be strong and solid, not timid.
Timid anchors give the illusion of strength.
Timid anchors are lightly attached on the surface.
Timid anchors will break free when tested.
Find your anchors.
Test the timid anchors.
Relocate them to solid ground.
Storms will come again.
May your anchors hold.
Getting together with people, especially with those who are close, is not always easy.
Logistics. What time, where, who, and what?
Dynamics. The past, the incident, that time, and those words.
Expectations. The food, the venue, the relationships, and the activities.
Patterns. When to eat, what to do, and how you interact.
Memories. Good, bad, stressful, and past.
These various categories cause an interesting dynamic when trying to connect with others. When these categories are associated with past stressful get-togethers, the days before you see these people again can be filled with stress and pressure.
This stress and pressure can hijack the present event by overwhelming you before you even arrive.
But, what if you could shift the pattern?
What if you tried a new approach?
I am lucky to be part of a group that is experimenting with a new pattern.
Instead of crashing after a meal, we go for a walk (and talk).
Instead of huddling around the TV, we are playing fun and weird games.
Instead of large group discussions, we are making time to connect and catch up individually.
A new pattern is forming.
New memories are replacing the old.
Good Patterns. Good Memories.
It is awkward at first? Oh yeah, but totally worth it.
(Image Courtesy of adirondackalmanack.com and USFWS)
Sometimes we can be hard to pin down.
Sometimes we wiggle and squirm our way out of accountability, progress, or accomplishment.
Sometimes we say we are going to do something, but try to slip out of it.
A good friend calls it being slippery. Slippery like an eel.
But they make Eel Gloves.
Eel Gloves make it possible to hold onto the slipperiest eel.
Maybe what each of us need is that friend, partner, spouse, coach, or mentor that has OUR pair of Eel Gloves.
The person with the Eel Gloves could hold on to us when we are trying to explain away our lack of progress.
The person with the Eel Gloves could wrestle with us, not let go, and make us face why we are trying to slip out of the accountability.
That sounds like a good name for a coaching option for 2016.
Eel Gloves Coaching: You may be slippery, but we can still hold on.
We do something wrong. There is a transaction that needs to occur.
We need to apologize. We need to say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness.
A real apology:
Not a
“I am sorry if I [offended, hurt, misunderstood, overreacted…]
But more of a
“I am sorry for [offending, hurting, misunderstanding, overreacting…]
I read recently that how we respond during this transaction is important. Instead of saying “that is okay” which implies that what occurred was acceptable, the article encouraged people to complete the transaction with “I accept your apology” or if you are able “I forgive you.”
A helpful idea ran through my mind: The Forgiveness Receipt.
The Forgiveness Receipt would be proof of the transaction.
The Forgiveness Receipt could serve two purposes.
Purpose One: A reminder for the person that needed to ask for forgiveness. I recently noticed that I tend to apologize more than once, as if the first one didn’t take. The person I kept apologizing to kindly reminded me that we had already transacted this apology, and I didn’t need to keep revisiting the issue. The issue is gone, and The Forgiveness Receipt would be a great reminder, especially when I am feeling a little insecure.
Purpose Two: A reminder for the person that forgave. I also noticed that I tend to revisit old offenses, long after the transaction. The Forgiveness Receipt would serve to remind me that the I forgave, and can no longer hold that offense against the other person.
Until I can find a receipt book worthy of this task, The Forgiveness Receipt will be more of a mental note. Or maybe this T-Shirt would serve as a better reminder.
Be sure to ask about your receipt.
I sat and watched them interact with each other. Laughing, joking, and connecting. It was their party, I was only there because someone close is now part of this team.
I could have been the outsider, but felt completely at home.
My mind wandered back through all of the interactions I have had with various people on this team over the years.
There was something different about them. Something great.
They all had the Right Vibe.
Vibe: a person’s emotional state or the atmosphere of a place as communicated to and felt by others.
I happened to be sitting next to the owner. I couldn’t help myself.
“I have to share something with you. Over the years I have watched your team, and your people. They have a certain Vibe about them. You are in the health industry, and they all have a certain healing Vibe. You feel it when you walk in the reception area, treatment room, and even this party. Thanks for creating the Right Vibe, it is amazing to witness.”
There is a lot of talk out there now about the culture of an organization being the deciding factor on true success. Many are pointing to the culture (what I like to call the Vibe) of an organization as one of the most important aspects to foster and create.
How can you provide amazing customer service if your Vibe is negative, controlling, and overly micro-managed?
How can you provide health care if your Vibe is unhealthy?
How can you motivate your employees to care about a customer’s needs when your Vibe leaves your employee’s needs unmet?
Think about your Vibe. What is being communicated or felt by others?
It may be time to find the Right Vibe.
Carl Weber Consulting 