Category: Knowing Yourself

Parachuting In

Posted on by Carl Weber

MARSOC_parachutist

(Image Courtesy of Pinterest)

While getting coffee before a consulting gig, I happened to bump into two leaders from that same organization who were at a table sipping their morning brew. There was a brief pause.

“Hey, are you parachuting in again today?”

“Yes.”

Awkward pause.

“It’s not us right?”

“Nope, you are fine. In fact your departments are doing well.”

“Great. Good luck. We are just glad it is not us.”

Parachuting In: the new term this group jokingly uses when I stop by to help a division or group of folks in the organization understand themselves better, work through conflict, or learn to be a more effective team.

I kind of like it.

Parachuting in means someone is in immediate need of help.

Parachuting in means that you have come to help.

Parachuting in means that your mission or goal may be secret (you are not going to air another department’s issues when questioned).

Parachuting in means that your work is temporary.

Parachuting in means that you are bringing needed assistance, resources, and strategy.

Parachuting in means that it is their department, their operation, and their team.

That simple phrase has stuck with me. Partly because the work has been long-term enough to earn a nick-name.

What will your work’s nick-name be?

Is your art, your craft, your life, your relationships, your consulting, your business creating the right resonance to earn its own phrase or nick-name?

The other part that I remember is how happy they seemed that I was not there to see them.

Moats, Distance, and Drawbridges

Posted on by Carl Weber

Caerlaverock_Castle_from_the_air_1

 

(Caerlaverock Castle in Scotland courtesy of Wikipedia)

On the call the other day, I was connecting and checking in with someone important to me. They were describing an old relationship that did not end well. They had been hurt. Words were exchanged. The relationship, although important, had essentially ended.

Because of some recent circumstances, they needed to connect with this other person. Connecting after a falling out is never easy. They were wrestling with how to proceed, and the feelings associated with the time that had passed.

As we talked, I explained that sometimes we need to create Moats. Moats are protections for our core relationships. We keep those inside safe, and others are kept at a healthy Distance.

Distance is the natural by-product of a Moat. Those relationships can be good, but they have limits. Those relationships may be “not so good” but the Distance helps you keep your emotions and expectations in perspective.

Those inside are kept healthy and safe (including you).

When discussing how to move forward, we realized that Moats need Drawbridges.

Drawbridges allow us to let people in when needed. Drawbridges allow us to connect with the greater world by making a decision to lower the bridge.

The Moat still exists, but the connection can be made. When the time has passed, the Drawbridge can be raised again, when and if needed.

We all have Moats. The logical by-product of these Moats are Distance.

It is the Drawbridge that helps us manage both.

 

45, 1/2, and 104

Posted on by Carl Weber

Drucker-bookshelf-500x183

(Image Courtesy of poetsandquantsforexecs.com)

45.

This year marked a pretty significant milestone for me. Forty-Five years I have been roaming around on this planet. I couldn’t help but remember an interview I watched with Will Smith about turning 45.

“I’m 45 right now. Right? And with the state of modern medicine—90, we’re all probably gonna hit 90,” he said. “90’s like a real thing now…So, I was thinking ‘This is halftime.’ Right? So, when you come out for the third quarter, in any sporting event the third quarter’s an important quarter. That’s not the time when you start relaxing and you start chilling. You gotta go get it in the third quarter.” Will Smith

1/2.

Halftime. That means that there is still half of this game left to play. And when you think about the first decade or two in our lives, most of us didn’t really accomplish that much.

That gives us four and a half more decades to accomplish things, finish projects, ship, and make a difference.

I got to hear Jim Collins speak a few years back. He was asked to say a few words at Peter Drucker’s memorial service after he passed away. On one of the tables, all of Mr. Drucker’s books were laid end to end. Jim asked a simple question.

“Show me where in this timeline of books, Peter was 65.”

The answer was simple: 1/3rd through all of his books.

Can you imagine accomplishing 2/3rds of your work after age 65?

104. 

As I finished a long-run with my team yesterday, my running app recorded 104 miles in November. It seemed important that this month, this milestone, and this accomplishment came in the month I turned 45 at the 1/2.

What numbers have made you record and reflect?

I have been thinking a lot about how to finish well in life. Maybe that is what part of the aging process. In the process of reclaiming our lives, and running into our 80’s, it seemed important to record and reflect about these numbers, and get working on the second half.

Imagine what your second half can bring.

The Perfectionism Pause

Posted on by Carl Weber

The conversation is the same. The players are different.

There is an idea, a spark, a risk.

Share this art, this gift, this new thing?

Pause. It is not perfect.

I will share it someday, but it is not ready.

More work.

Pause. It could be better.

Even more work.

Pause. If I just (insert phase here) it will be perfect enough to share.

Imagine how much the Perfectionism Pause has robbed all of us of YOUR gifts.

The Two Teams

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Two Teams

When working with teams about their collective behavioral styles, I have noticed that in the long run there are only Two Teams. As I check in with various teams’ progress at certain intervals the Two Teams have two distinct results.

Team One is doing well. Team Two is actually worse than before.

Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground.

Team One is communicating differently, achieving results, and having less conflict.

Team Two is communicating differently, not achieving results, and having more conflict.

What separates these Two Teams?

Why does Team One prosper and Team Two decline?

The answer was simple. After a series of meetings, calls, and follow-up visits a pattern developed. I took notes of each group but the difference became clear.

Team One Pattern

After the initial session, each member of Team One reflected on their own primary style. They made a list of what worked for them as a member of Team One. They made a second list of what didn’t work or needed modification in order for them to be a better member of Team One. Over the next few months each Team One member worked on what didn’t work and tried to leverage what did work.

Team Two Pattern

After the initial session, each member of Team Two reflected on their primary style. They made a list of what worked for them as a member of Team Two. They made a second list of what didn’t work or needed modification in order for others to be a better member of Team Two. Over the next few months each Team Two member worked on trying to get others to change their behaviors and style and did not focus on how they could change.

Will you focus on how you can improve to make the team better?

OR

Will you make a list of how much better things will be when other people change?

The choice is simple when you realize there are only Two Teams.

Among Giants

Posted on by Carl Weber

Among Giants

I have a project. An exciting, new project. A project that I have been talking about for months. A project that partners me with another person (someone who is extremely intelligent, organized, and a deep thinker). We met on the project a few times, took notes, and had a game plan with various assignments.

This project has been on my plate for a few months. I started some research, then stopped. I opened the file to start writing, then stopped. I took the folder out of my briefcase, only to put it back in. For whatever reason, I could not “Ship It” or make progress.

Something was triggering this procrastination. I tried to pin down the reason, but could not find the words.

I took a risk and called this partner. We decided to meet.

“I have to confess. Despite the excitement around this project and our discussions, I have not made any progress on my part.”

“Well, to be honest, I have had the same struggle.”

Another risk. The real risk.

“Ok, here is the thing. I am a little intimidated working with you on this project because you know this material and have studied it in more depth, and are so smart, and so…”

“What? You are intimidated by me?”

The reason for the mutual procrastination was revealed. We both viewed the other person as more competent, intelligent, and suited for this project. I am sure some it stems from the “Less Than Default Switch” and this setting skews our perspective of others.

Our conversation continued.

“It is almost as if I am among giants, when I compare myself to others.”

“Exactly, but I am still surprised you feel that way. I understand why I feel that way, but not you.”

Among giants. Our perceptions of others, their abilities, their accomplishments, their status can warp our own self-perception. This distortion can create the fear and insecurity that holds us back from trying, shipping, or stretching ourselves.

They are not actually giants. They are fellow travelers on this journey. But this problem seems older that just me and this project. Older than you and your project, idea, or journey as well.

“Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world
Like a Colossus, and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about” Cassius

(Julius Caesar, Act 1, Scene 2)