Tag: Leadership

The Third E

Posted on by Carl Weber

While working with a pretty dynamic group, the discussion touched on what their particular styles brought.  This group is very similar in world view and style, so I asked them a simple question.

“What do you bring as a team?”

“Energy!”

What else?

“Emotion, and a passion for doing the job and doing it well!

“What else?” (There I go again with the “deep” questions.)

The group looked around a little, surveyed each other and for some reason the “E” theme continued.  Finally, the third E emerged.

“Ego.”

There was silence and the word sort of hung there for a minute.  They were right.  All the energy and emotion could be great, but that third E could undo their efforts if they were not careful.  For all the positive aspects, there was a potential blind spot.  Recognizing that Egos were at play shed light on the drawbacks of their styles.

Now all they have to do is leverage the first two, and keep the third in check.  Naming the potential hazard to their success was an important step.  Do you have a third E?  What will you do about the third E once you name it?

They

Posted on by Carl Weber

At times, our busy schedules, full plates, and drive to get things done can become excuses or justification for our lack of intentional communication.  Over time, how we communicate with others is more of a habit and we give it little thought or consideration.

The other day, while working with a group I heard some interesting dialogue.

“If they would just understand what needs to be done here without complaining, it would be just fine.”

“They always micromanage us and do not understand how much we have to accomplish.”

“They are just difficult and this is not a democracy, they need to do their jobs.”

“They never listen.”

“They.”  In each case, both groups were placing blame onto the other.  Over and over during the session I heard this term “they.”  It would be comical if it wasn’t sad.  There was no “I” or “We.”  Replacing “They” with these terms reveals part of the problem.  It is much easier to describe how others need to change, or what they do wrong, versus taking ownership of what I or We do not do well.

When you find yourself blaming “They” perhaps it is time to check out that mirror on the wall.  Imagine the progress any team, relationship, or workplace could make by taking ownership for their own actions first.

How Cloudy is Your Glass?

Posted on by Carl Weber

Understanding your own emotional state is essential to your development and progress as a leader, a co-worker, or a person.  More and more the importance of emotional intelligence is identified as the difference between good/marginal leaders and great leaders.  Daniel Goleman who wrote Emotional Intelligence in 1995 (and many other books) is the leading voice on these matters.  He states that “90% of the difference between star performers and average performers in senior leadership is Emotional Intelligence.”

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups.  The first step is to identify or become more aware of your own emotional state.  To help identify your own emotional state, I like to use the glass example.  A clear glass represents you in your emotional state where you are healthy, in control, and emotionally neutral.

However, life happens.  When negative events occur, they begin to cloud your glass.  The person who cut you off in traffic.  The missed appointment.  The argument with a significant other.  A tragic life event…and the list goes on.  Any of these can cloud your glass.  Becoming aware of your glass and its current state is a great way to both identify what clouds your glass, and how cloudy you may be on a given day.

Your ability to move from the cloudy glass back to clear is one of the most important skills. For some, this process may take hours or even days until the impact of the negative experience clears and they return to neutral.  Identifying your glass in the first place is a great way to separate yourself a little from the circumstances at hand.  Once you recognize that your glass is getting a little cloudy, it becomes easier over time to recognize what triggers you.  Knowing your triggers can help you clear your emotional state more rapidly over time with practice.

I posted this picture on the door to my office and regularly ask those who come in the status of their glass.  I also let them know on certain days that my glass is a little cloudy and I may need a little space.

The great news with Emotional Intelligence is the fact that we can all become better with practice and experience.  I posted about an online game called SuperBetter that has some ways to help with managing your emotional state, feel free to check it out.  Another interesting thing about emotions is that they are contagious (for good or bad).  This means we can play a role in helping each other when our glasses are cloudy.

My glass is a little cloudy today, but knowing that helps me manage my interaction with anyone who I encounter today.  Knowing the state of my glass requires me to slow the world down a little (especially with my kids today) and not react when something does not go as planned.  As I watch them, they key off my emotional state.  The better I manage my own glass, the better they manage theirs as well.  The last thing they need is for me to pour my glass all over them.

Right Now: how cloudy is your glass?  What causes your glass to become cloudy? Are there things that are making your interactions with others more challenging because of what you are carrying with you.  Take a few moments each day to think about your emotional state.  The very act of taking an emotional inventory helps you become more aware that awareness can lead to better management of your emotional state.

The “My Way” Blind Spot

Posted on by Carl Weber

We all have blind spots.  You have them, I have them, we all have them.  The hardest part about blind spots is that we do not see them.  I suppose that is why we call them “blind spots.”  When this happens while driving, another car can essentially disappear from view, yet be right beside us. If we turn or change lanes, the damage will be immediate and severe.

When our blind spots are personal, the damage is no less great, but they can occur gradually…almost without our notice.  Until we discover our personal blind spots (typically because someone else points them out) we tend to just plug along not realizing the damage we are causing by this inherent flaw in our perspective.

Recently I discovered that I suffer from the “My Way” blind spot.  This was reluctantly pointed out to me by my team after I wanted a project to be done a certain way.  The banter between them went something like this…

“You mean you wanted it done the “Carl Weber Way?”

“Yeah, it is like Carlito’s Way, only with less violence.”

“Most of the time when you assign a project we will end up doing it your way in the end, even if we have other ideas.”

I was stunned.  I resisted the natural urge to defend myself and just listened.  Arguing about your blind spot is as foolish as turning your car into that crowded lane because you just know there is no car there…while hearing the crash.  Instead I listened.  I really listened.  It became clear that the “My Way” blind spot was real and having an impact on others.  My tendency to delegate without freedom created tension and a lack of trust.  Over time, this can create followers who feel unable to be creative or do things their own way.

Identifying the blind spot was the first step.  The next, and much harder step, is trying to figure out how to change a pattern of behavior that I didn’t know existed.  It will not be easy, but leading well never is.  I will have to check those mirrors a little more often before changing lanes.

What is your blind spot?  Where are you speeding along without seeing what is right beside you?  Are you causing unaware damage?

My advice today is simple: Listen and look.  But be prepared to deal with what you find.

Reluctant Leadership

Posted on by Carl Weber

Working with people can be a lot of fun.  Either in groups, or one on one, being able to help people discover themselves and their style is very rewarding.  The reward comes from knowing that their personal, professional or leadership journey is progressing and moving forward.  In some small way, you were there providing advice, suggesting a course of action, or just offering the encouragement they needed to do what they know needed to be done long before you arrived.

Lately there has been a notable trend: Reluctant Leadership.

Granted, some behavioral styles and inner motivations are more “natural” leaders.  Other styles are more prone to support others or take the second or third chair.  But this pattern of reluctance lately has even included people who would normally be wired to lead, and lead well.  Where is this reluctance coming from?

Not wanting to lead appears to go deeper than just behavioral style and opportunity.  This reluctance is a murky swamp of reasons more profound that I originally realized.  When talking with some of these individuals, the list has included guilt, shame, fear, doubt and the list goes on and on.  You can hear their Narrators shouting when you interact with them, providing the reasons not to lead.  It is almost as if someone or something knew the need for leadership and preemptively attacked them so they would not, or could not lead.

Are some leaders bad?  Yes.  Have you tried to lead and were unsuccessful? Maybe. Should you stop trying?  NO!  Leading others is messy, hard, tiring, and amazing at the same time.  People need you.  They need you to step up and lead despite your fears, doubt or whatever that reason is that keeps you on the bench and out of the game.

The more I read epic stories (the kind that last for generations) most have a reluctant leader who transforms into the Hero, despite their self-limiting perspective and doubt.  We all identify with that reluctance and fear, and the corresponding hope that they will be successful in the end.  Maybe those authors over the ages have been trying to remind us of something: the best heroes are those who led despite reluctance.

All styles can lead.  All styles can lead well.  In some cases, we have over-glorified the strong dominant leadership style making others feel as if they cannot lead.  Some of the best leaders are those who encourage others, mend prior wounds, and help others become great.

Ironically, in most of the classic stories, the reluctant leaders are the “good guys” and those who we typically would associated with type A commanding leadership styles are the “bad guys.”  Maybe those authors were trying to tell us something.