Tag: helping others

insertfunnydomainname.com

Posted on by Carl Weber

I mentioned a while ago about my habit of calling a few friends on the way to work. These morning calls provide us with a way to keep “the cup” away from our homes, and give us some time to connect and process out our lives together.  Unfortunately we do not always connect and have to leave a voicemail.

With one friend in particular I have developed a habit.  For some reason (perhaps because they know it’s me calling) I get their voicemail more often than not.  After listening to their voicemail message over and over, and hearing them say that can also be reached at their email at blahblahblah@domainname.com, I had a funny idea.

Instead of simply leaving a message, my quest was to come up with a funny domain name back to them when I called after the beep.

It goes something like this:

Beep.

Hi, this is

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

and I am sorry I missed you.  Call me back or you can reach me at my email

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

We would laugh and developing these domain names became a way for us to essentially explain why we were calling or what we needed in a few short words.

Hi, this is Carl@Iamabadfriendwhonevercallsback.com give me a call soon.

Sorry I missed you, this is Carl@whatthehellwereyouthinking.com you’d better call right away!

Hey, Carl@feelingprettystressedatwork.com call right away!

The funny domain names helped us say a little about how we were feeling, or at times what we needed from each other.  Sometimes they were less funny and more of a clue that we needed something deeper.  Reflecting on this, I wonder…what is your domain name?  What story would it tell about you for us to know your real situation or circumstance without the normal filtered approach to our conversations.  Maybe it would help if we knew this about each other and ourselves.

you@tooafraidtoactoraskforhelp.com

you@takingontheworldtoday.com

you@justtakingitonedayatatime.com

you@wonderingifmydreamsarestillpossible.com

Go ahead and reply with your domain name today.  Who knows, just putting it out there may help it become a reality.

Untethered

Posted on by Carl Weber

There may be a better word, a better term, or a better way to describe that interesting feeling that comes from feeling completely scattered and overwhelmed.  However you describe it, the unanchored position during chaotic times can undo us.  Unfortunately, this untethered state can creep into our lives before we realize it, and the blur of activity seems to help keep us unaware of our own state of mind.

Are you untethered?  Answer a few of these questions to see.

1.  Are you feeling anxious even if no specific event can be pointed to as the cause?

2.  Do you feel that time is slipping from you and you are not accomplishing what you need to?

3.  Is your to-do list growing at a rate faster than your accomplished tasks?

4.  Are you tired, even when you are not doing anything?

5.  Do you have a hard time starting projects even when the deadline is looming?

6.  Do you jump from task to task despite not completing the prior activity?

If you answered yes to 3 or more of these, you may be in an untethered state.

What can we do if we find ourselves in an untethered state?

Here are a few recommendations.

1.  Don’t make any large decisions (unless absolutely necessary).

2.  Slow down, make lists of what you need to do as long as you also include a list of what you should STOP doing.

3.  Do at least one of the difficult or hard tasks on the list first each day.

4.  Connect with others and be accountable for the hard things on that list.

5.  Find a tether or anchor that will help keep you from being scattered.  This can be a person, a book, a setting, or a state of mind.  For me this includes going to a “third space” or a place that is not my home or office where distractions are limited.  My favorite space is a local library or local coffee shop where it seems just separate enough from my other places that I can focus on specific projects that need to be completed.

6.  Regulate your screen time (Computer, phone, and TV).  Too much seems to act like a distraction from our actual lives.

7.  Stop multitasking.  Doing multiple things at once just add to the untethered state.  Accomplishing the most important task in front of you will prove more productive than simply doing a piece of five tasks.  I printed out a little card for my desk with a few simple words “What is the highest and best use of my time…RIGHT NOW!”  This small reminder acts like a tether that keeps the focus on what I need to do, especially if I was avoiding a particular task.

8.  Get some exercise.  You don’t have to run a marathon, but get moving.  Go for a walk, run on that treadmill, or just stretch your arms above your head and breath deeply.

When you find yourself in an untethered state, remember to try a few ideas on the list. Start slowly, and over time you may feel more anchored, more in control.

You can do it! I know you can! 

Fear

Posted on by Carl Weber

Fear.  Fear is all around us.  Fear can drive a lot of what we do (or not do) in life.  Typically we avoid those things that cause us fear, but every now and then we press into our fears and try to overcome them.

Earlier this summer we decided to press into some of that fear together with our older girls by taking them to a ropes course.  The day started with learning to put on the harness and various safety tips.  After a short climb through the practice course, we were on our way.

The course is designed in a way that each challenge builds in difficulty as you progress up the levels to the top.  At the top you are rewarded with long zip-lines that travel into the tree canopy.  The challenges can build self-confidence once achieved, but can create fear as they become more and more difficult and are higher and higher in the air.

One daughter was able to embrace the fear and move from challenge to challenge.  Any observer would be able to tell she was afraid, but she kept her narrator in check with a long string of positive self-talk.

“I can do this.”

“I have been working out a lot this summer, and I think it helps.”

“I think I look cute in this helmet.”

Our other daughter wrestled with the fear.  After a few levels, the intensity became overwhelming and her narrator started to creep in with self-doubt.

“I can’t do this.”

“I want to get down.”

“Let’s go home.”

We subscribe to the “Challenge by Choice” approach, which means that there is no pressure to continue and each person can make the choice to continue or not.  We do encourage each other to stretch and challenge ourselves but do not apply pressure or guilt if someone needs to stop.

We regrouped a little and talked things out.  As we talked we discovered that she really wanted to do was to go down the large zip line and was disappointed that there was no way to get there except through the challenges.  Everyone in our group spoke encouragement and life into her.  They reminded her how much she had accomplished already and we would all work together to get her to that zip line, if she wanted to.

“I will try.”

Our little tribe began to work together and communicate in a way that had not happened earlier that day.  Everyone was listening, helping to plan, and deciding who would travel to which challenge to either demonstrate how to accomplish it, or be available to help. Amazing words of encouragement traveled between all of us.

For the first few challenges, our daughter closed her eyes and grabbed onto my harness and rode to the other side.  Tears were streaming down her face as we moved from one challenge to the next.  (The first time we did this, I almost fell backwards and fear crept into my head and I hoped I could continue, but knew I had to keep it together.)

When we reached the top tower, there were just a few challenges left to reach the zip line. The first was a rope and wooden bridge that we dubbed the “pirate bridge.”  It was at this challenge that our daughter shifted.  Confidence had replaced most of the earlier fear and the journey was almost over.  She stood at the edge of the tower and clipped her harness to the guide wire first.

“I think I can do this one myself.”

And she did.

Isn’t that the way life should be?  By facing our fears together we can help each other combat that narrator that tries to tell us that we cannot succeed and perhaps fear can play a smaller role in our lives.

The Adventure Within (the Adventure)

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Adventure Within (the Adventure)We try to get outdoors as often as we can as a family.  With all of the work, school, life, and errands, this can be a real challenge.  As part of the yearly goal setting, hiking a certain mountain where we live was on the list for 2012.

Labor day weekend seemed like the logical choice for us, and this hike was on one of the oldest daughter’s “bucket list” for college.

What a perfect way to cross off a goal on a few lists while spending some quality time with the girls.  Our backpacks were full of snacks, water, supplies, band aids, eye drops, extra allergy medicine, bug spray and a few random things like headphones and a few toys.

The route was selected based on a consensus of research.  The route was a bit longer but a less steep path since this mountain is bigger than our casual small hikes of the past.  Walking sticks in hand, our small tribe’s adventure began.  The day was perfect, mid 70’s with a cool breeze and good spirits all around.  We were entertained by a series of jokes at the expense of a small dam.

“Looks like we are on the dam trail.”

“Hey, I am walking on the dam footbridge.”

” Welcome to the dam, I will be your dam tour guide, and I will be here to answer all of your dam questions.”

“Hey, is that the damn dam over there?”  (It got a little out of hand, and we had to redirect the conversation.)

After about an hour, our middle daughter mentions that the tread on the tip of her boot is coming loose.  We stop, and a small bungee like cord from a backpack wrapped around the toe seems to solve our problem.  We hike on.  After a short while, she mentions her boots again.

“Ummm, Dad, I think you need to see this.”

“Did the bungee come loose?”

“Nope, but this did.”

She was holding the entire boot tread in her hand.  It had come completely separated from the boot and we are miles from the starting point, and not quite halfway to the summit.  We spring into action, searching for every kind of solution we can in our bags.  Now it had been a while since we did serious hiking and we packed pretty well with one exception.  There was no tape.  Not even that white medical tape you typically find in first aid kits.  What we would have given for a roll of duct tape!

Luckily a friend of ours had given us a few paracord survival bracelets (small woven bracelets made from parachute cords), and the kids remembered to wear them.  We separated the cords and tied up the shoe.  The hike continued.  It wasn’t a perfect solution, but we had a mountain to climb.  Another 20 minutes went by.

“Ummm, Dad, it is happening again.”

Her second boot suffered a similar fate.  The tread had completely separated itself from the boot.  We stopped in a little clearing to eat lunch and assess our situation.  After additional attempts to tie the treads on, a few tears, lunch, and asking every passing hiker if they had any tape, it was clear that the summit was not a reality.

The hike down was not easy, and included continual evaluation and readjusting the cords and the addition of a few hair elastics.  Eventually some medical tape was provided by a sympathetic passerby.

Towards the end, one of the treads came completely off again.  Instead of stopping, or even missing a step, my daughter simply held it up high above her head and marched on.  Her strong defiant stand against the day’s difficulty was signaling that she was not giving up, and she was going to make it.  And she did.  We all did.

Later while in the car, we were discussing the high points of the hike, and what each of us remembered.  Besides another round of jokes about the “dam footbridge” by our youngest, we talked about working together to solve the boot issue, and what we liked best about the day and what we were thankful for.

“Remember when my boots fell apart, I was kinda scared, but we worked it out and made it back safe.  Now it is pretty funny.”

We all laughed about the boots.  Once safely in the car the fears or even tears became a distant memory.  We never made it to the summit.  The adventure that we planned was not the adventure that we had.  But isn’t that the way life is sometimes?  The unexpected challenges or obstacles bring both hardship and excitement to our adventure. 

How Do You Define Teamwork?

Posted on by Carl Weber

Teamwork.  There is a seemingly endless list of how to define it, thousands of books written about it, and the notion that we should all strive to obtain it.  Teamwork has been rattling around in my head lately, and I was trying to remember a defining moment for any team where I was a member.  Nothing was coming to mind until I met recently with a member of this team for breakfast.

This particular team had been through some rough times together, but also celebrated well during successes.  The defining moment that I remember was during a meeting where we had been instructed to reduce our budget.  It wasn’t just a little reduction, the reduction was large enough that it would cause everyone in the room to take a hit.  I had instructed each of them to bring a list of what was important that needed to remain, and a list of what could be reduced.

One by one, each member of this team shared their list.  The items on the lists were important things that would have a significant impact on each person’s part of the operation, their ability to provide the right level of service.  After all the lists were read, it became quiet.  Part of me expected the real battle to begin, and each person around that table would start lobbying about why their department should be retained, and someone else should take the cut.

It was at this very moment that I witnessed teamwork, and what I heard had and still has an impact on me.

“After listening to the group, their lists seem more important to the overall operation.  I think I can reduce a little more.”

“I can take the hit, let’s make sure that other department has what it needs this year.”

“I don’t know how I am going to explain this to my employees, but I am withdrawing my list of needs, the other lists just seem more pressing.”

One by one, every member of that team saw the overall organization and operation as more important than their particular department, silo, or fiefdom.  Each member of that team knew that the only “win” was ensuring that the organization “won” not whether or not it was a “win” for them individually.

How should we define teamwork?  Maybe the definition is simple.  Teamwork is when everyone that is working together can look beyond themselves, see the larger picture, and “take the hit” for others.

Learning to Say NO!

Posted on by Carl Weber

(Image Courtesy of Sharon Young: Thanks Sharon!)

Learning to say “No” is not always easy.  People ask us to agree to things all the time.

“Will you help out on this committee?”

“Can we get together soon?”

“Will you watch my kids, paint my house, be my friend, volunteer your time, follow me and my cause, buy crap from my kids (well you get the idea).”

I am beginning to hear what I call the “soft yes” in response to these multiple requests. The “soft yes” isn’t really a yes, it is a “no” veiled in terms that are our attempt to politely decline, but we don’t feel comfortable saying it.  I find myself doing this at times and recently this is what I am hearing:

“I guess I can.”

“If I have to.”

“Maybe…”

“Okay.”

How many times have you agreed to something where your heart really wasn’t into it, and you would have preferred to say “no”?  In striking a balance between your life, your work, your family, and just being you, there will be things you need to say no to.  You cannot be all things to all people, and the over-committed life is not a pleasant one (for you or for those around you).

Where do we start?  In his book, Magnificent Mind at Any Age, Dr. Daniel Amen states that the inability to say no (or impulsively say yes) creates an overwhelmed state where you become immersed with other people’s priorities that distract you from your own goals. He offers us a way to reply and encourages us to learn the following phrase when someone asks us to do something:

“I need to think about it.  If I want to do it, I will get back to you.”

Wow.  Simple yet effective.  That one phrase may help bring needed balance to your life. Be prepared, if you have been on “automatic yes” or “soft no” and still agreeing in the end, this may feel strange to those around you.  It is funny, just recently I realized how much I have been giving a “soft no” to someone who has been trying to get together with me, but the truth is I should have just said no instead of stringing them along and rescheduling the meeting.

Try it out, let me know how it works.  This may bring some needed balance to your life, and let you find yourself, not just serve others.  Use it well, and let me know how it goes.  I have a hard phone call to make, but it would have been easier if I had used this phrase in the beginning.

“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes.  It is very easy to say yes.”  Tony Blair