Tag: friends

A Little Friendly Research Part 1

Posted on by Carl Weber

Friendships have been on my mind lately.

Who has them? How do they work? What makes a good one?

Instead of providing my viewpoint, I asked you a series of questions.

A big thank you to all who courageously hit reply.

Question 1: What are the best attributes of your good friends?

They are funny, encouraging, and engaging.

They listen to listen, not to reply.

They are always good listeners when I need it, comic relief, and supportive.

They laugh at themselves and at me.

They like to laugh and to play and are wickedly funny in a way that’s not always appropriate.

Integrity, safety/security (based on trust, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness), humor, honesty.

Being there for each other emotionally and spiritually and being a great ear and supporting.

They ask me how my soul is on regular basis.

They listen, ask questions, and show genuine interest/concern in others.

They ask good questions and are ok if I have to not respond for a while.

They’re willing to be real – authentic, vulnerable and open.

They are consistent.

They value friendship and are willing to work through distance, conflicts, etc.

They cheer me on to do the things that scare me most.

They are kind, encouraging, and they try to keep a positive outlook.

We can always “pick up where we left off” no matter how much time has passed since we’ve seen each other in person.

Will accept you for who you are but will call you out when you are being stupid.

They are ready to offer a shoulder to cry on or boot up my ass and aren’t afraid to ask me which one I need most.

We can shift conversations from the deep places to the hilarious and irreverent and back again and not lose our way.

I think all relationships exist on a continuum with the shallow/superficial at one end and the secret at the other. What makes a friendship close is the ability to go from one end to the other, sometimes in the same conversation. Between the two endpoints are additional points—the silly, the serious, the sacred, the sacredly silly. Note: I’m pretty sure the continuum isn’t just populated with words that begin with s.

Again thank you for being part of this experiment. You didn’t have to, but maybe there was a lesson in that simple act of replying.

There were 8 more questions. And the answers just keep getting better and better.

Go Ask Them

Posted on by Carl Weber

Go Ask Them (1)

Friendship has been on my mind lately.

How do friendships work? What makes the best friends? Am I a good friend? What do we need most from friends?

In the past I offered advice for bad friends, but what about the good ones? How do you cultivate solid friends in life?

The other day while discussing friendship with my Bride, I got some solid advice.

“So, friendships and what makes the best ones have been swirling around in my head.”

“Are you going to write about friendship?”

“I think so, but I am not sure where to get the best information to write about friends.”

“Why don’t you Go Ask Them?”

Great advice.

And Go Ask Them is what I did.

The next few posts will summarize the results.

But.

Just as my finger was about to hit the POST button this morning, it dawned on me how that advice was universally brilliant.

Wondering how to better connect with your employees?

Go Ask Them.

Wondering what new offerings would best serve your customers?

Go Ask Them.

Wondering how to be a better spouse or partner?

Go Ask Them.

Wondering how to be a better parent to your kids?

Go Ask Them.

Wondering what role would best help your aging parents?

Go Ask Them.

Sometimes we just assume we know best. We have an idea and run with it. We are trying to help.

We don’t always meet the mark.

Next time, follow the advice.

Go Ask Them.

Becoming Equals

Posted on by Carl Weber

They needed some coaching, so you helped encourage and develop.

You needed to run your first 5K, so they helped you train.

They needed to lose weight, so you helped with healthy options, accountability, and support.

You needed assistance with strategy, so they helped provide perspective, options, and focus.

They needed to find a better career, relationship, or life-goal, so you provided some guidance.

You were a little scattered and out there, so they helped organize and ground you.

They were a little structured and serious, so you helped them be messy and fun.

These relationships start in interesting ways.

One of you needs something, and the other is there to help.

At first the roles were clear.

One of you is the expert, coach, parent, mentor, counselor, or consultant. The other one needs what you have.

One of you is giving, the other is receiving.

Typically this approach only works for the short-term. Once the need is met, you disengage and move on.

But sometimes, these relationship continue.

These relationships begin to change.

You are Becoming Equals.

What was once mentoring becomes mutual assistance or expertise.

What was once consulting becomes sharing ideas together.

What was once coaching becomes both playing at the same level.

What was once parenting becomes more like a friendship.

Becoming Equals doesn’t happen overnight.

Becoming Equals requires both of you to shift.

Becoming Equals allows both of you to shine.

One day you notice the person who use to run a few steps behind you is now at your side, and even ahead of you.

One day you are both leading.

One day you are both moving forward.

There is a time and place for the first roles.

But there is something more.

Something better.

Becoming Equals may be what makes relationships really great.

Becoming Equals may be what makes relationships last.

 

Go Live

Posted on by Carl Weber

While savoring both the conversation and the breakfast with a close friend, we discussed our lives as well as writing.

When, how, why, and what do we write?

How do ideas develop?

What makes something worth reading?

What do you do when ideas do not come?

How does that concept sit still for so long, then all at once it shouts at you to be put out into the universe?

I had a revelation and shared it with my friend.

“I realized recently that when I am getting writers block or feel stuck, it is the result of not really living life. Those times when I cannot seem to write are the exact moments when I am more closed off to others, not engaged, or distracted by the pressures of life.”

My friend’s advice?

Go Live.

Rusty Connections

Posted on by Carl Weber

RustyOldHinges

(Image Courtesy of http://www.angiesroost.com)

A friend recently reached out to make sure we were okay. Nothing specific happened, just a little time passed since we last connected.

“Are we okay?”

“Yes. Why, do you think something is wrong?”

“No, just sometimes when time passes our connections get a little rusty.”

Rusty Connections. As time passes things don’t move with the same fluidity. There can be resistance or breakdown. Sometimes, things just stop working.

Our relationships and our connections with others can get rusty. They may have become stiff and lack the flexibility they once had. The passage of time may have caused them to stop working the same way they did years ago.

There is good news. With effort, many of these Rusty Connections can move again. That effort may take the form of a phone call, a text or email, or even a letter (see below). But remember, a rusty hinge doesn’t return to its original state. Time has passed, and it will move again but in a slightly different way. Perhaps with a little more effort.

(I have a good friend who is single-handedly attempting to bring back the written correspondence approach, and I applaud and am participating in this effort. Why not give it a try?)

The Inspirational Ones

Posted on by Carl Weber

Sunrise Inspiration

You know the ones.

The ones that encourage you.

The ones that build you up.

The ones that can see your energy and passion.

The ones that you look forward to seeing and connecting with.

The ones that meet you for breakfast and leave you thinking you can accomplish anything.

The ones that say “Wow” when they see your work.

They are the Inspirational Ones.

Remember to thank them for the role they play in your life.

But don’t just rely on them to be the ones who inspire others.

You too can be one of the Inspirational Ones.

Encourage.

Build Up.

See Energy and Passions.

Connect.

Meet.

Say Wow!

Give it a try today, it may just Change the World.