Category: Relationships

Here or There?

Posted on by Carl Weber

“Are you here or there?”

The question seemed simple enough. The originator was concerned with geography and location.

“We are glad you are here.”

A simple statement. An appropriate welcome to a meeting.

“When will we be there?”

One of the most common questions in (my) life.

Somewhat fixated on the original question, my mind kept bringing it forward.

“Are you here or there?”

Are we present in the moment or always looking for some other distant event?

“Are you here or there?”

Are we distracted when I should be focused on those people or events right in front of us?

“Are you here or there?”

Are we enjoying the ride or impatiently hoping the destination will come?

“Are you here or there?”

By focusing on this question, maybe we can become less distracted.

By focusing on this question, maybe we can be more present in the moment.

By focusing on this question, maybe we can remind ourselves of the journey.

“Are you here or there?”

The answer may just change the (your) world.

Bootleg

Posted on by Carl Weber

Besides the references to smuggling alcohol during prohibition, or the particular cut of jeans, Bootleg is typically when something is an unauthorized or counterfeit. However, sometimes Bootleg is when you have settled for a less than replacement for Real.

Bootleg may be all that we can afford.

Bootleg may be all that we have access to at the moment.

Bootleg may be the cheaper alternative until our circumstances change.

But there is trouble with Bootleg.

We get used to Bootleg.

Our lives become entwined with Bootleg.

We have settled and moving from Bootleg to Real takes effort.

What was meant to be temporary has become permanent.

That relationship is comfortable, but not Real or deep.

That business partner works, but you are giving more than you receive.

That job pays the bills, but there is no inspiration.

Bootleg has a way of keeping us comfortable with less.

Don’t settle for Bootleg.

Real is sometimes more costly.

Real is deeper and more meaningful.

Real is what we all need.

 

 

The “I Totally Get It” Crew

Posted on by Carl Weber

wm-backWe need them.

The people who understand us.

The small band of close ones who display the right combination of empathy and compassion.

You are insecure, neurotic, scared, and full of doubts about something.

You hesitate to share this with anyone.

It is your secret in the dark.

You take a risk and start to explain.

To shed light.

Your words come slowly, pausing about to stop at any moment.

Your Narrator makes you regret that you began.

Your story flows, your doubts grow.

They nod.

They listen.

Some have even been down the same road.

They share as well.

You thought you were alone.

They are on a journey too.

Simple words.

“I Totally Get It.”

That is the crew we all need.

Savoring the Quirks

Posted on by Carl Weber

IMG_1128 IMG_1129

Everyone has quirks.

Some quirks are endearing.

Some quirks are irritating.

Why don’t they replace that roll?

Why do they wait until the recycling is overflowing?

Why do they always bring up that thing when you visit?

Why do they [insert our issue, pet peeve, history, expectation, or offense] here?

Recently we have experienced some loss.

Recently those around us have experienced some loss.

Recently we got news that more loss is coming.

Loss causes a shift in perspective.

What was once irritation now causes comfort.

An empty roll means they are still here. Maybe just a few moments ago.

Messy toys on a table, way too many wet shoes piled in a heap by the back door, fingernail polish on the coffee table, the piercing pain when you step on a LEGO, the fuel gauge left on empty, piles of unopened mail, the strange pile of receipts by the phone, clutter on the stairs, jackets on the backs of chairs, modeling clay in the carpet, gum in the driveway, mystery stains on the kitchen floor, the overflowing hamper, the heap of clothes by the shower, whatever gets stuck in the drain, loud voices downstairs in the morning, slurping noises while drinking, loud crunchy chewing, and the list goes on, and on, and on.

Today you have all these things. Someday they will cease.

Instead of irritation. Choose savoring the quirks.

Maybe these quirks can be reminders of what you have.

 

Moats, Distance, and Drawbridges

Posted on by Carl Weber

Caerlaverock_Castle_from_the_air_1

 

(Caerlaverock Castle in Scotland courtesy of Wikipedia)

On the call the other day, I was connecting and checking in with someone important to me. They were describing an old relationship that did not end well. They had been hurt. Words were exchanged. The relationship, although important, had essentially ended.

Because of some recent circumstances, they needed to connect with this other person. Connecting after a falling out is never easy. They were wrestling with how to proceed, and the feelings associated with the time that had passed.

As we talked, I explained that sometimes we need to create Moats. Moats are protections for our core relationships. We keep those inside safe, and others are kept at a healthy Distance.

Distance is the natural by-product of a Moat. Those relationships can be good, but they have limits. Those relationships may be “not so good” but the Distance helps you keep your emotions and expectations in perspective.

Those inside are kept healthy and safe (including you).

When discussing how to move forward, we realized that Moats need Drawbridges.

Drawbridges allow us to let people in when needed. Drawbridges allow us to connect with the greater world by making a decision to lower the bridge.

The Moat still exists, but the connection can be made. When the time has passed, the Drawbridge can be raised again, when and if needed.

We all have Moats. The logical by-product of these Moats are Distance.

It is the Drawbridge that helps us manage both.

 

The Other Plan

Posted on by Carl Weber

The Other Plan

Somewhere along the way, we are taught to develop alternative plans. This other plan accounts for contingencies, problems, and worst-case scenarios. The other plan reminds us that things may go wrong and we have to prepare ourselves to move, change, or alter course.

I am all for the other plan.

But.

Sometimes the other plan keeps us from fully committing.

Sometimes the other plan gives us an out when things are tough.

Sometimes the other plan makes ending relationships, jobs, ideas, projects, too easy.

Sometimes the other plan keeps us from appreciating our actual life.