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The conversation is the same. The players are different.
There is an idea, a spark, a risk.
Share this art, this gift, this new thing?
Pause. It is not perfect.
I will share it someday, but it is not ready.
More work.
Pause. It could be better.
Even more work.
Pause. If I just (insert phase here) it will be perfect enough to share.
Imagine how much the Perfectionism Pause has robbed all of us of YOUR gifts.
Breakfast with close friends is a favorite thing. Great food, great coffee, and great opportunities to talk and connect.
Typically these talks include catching up on life, work, and our goals for both.
On this particular morning we were discussing my goal of posting a blog once a week.
As soon as we started discussing it, I blurted out.
“I am trying.”
This friend would not let my words pass without intervention.
“You are not just trying. You are doing. I see your posts once a week, that is not trying that is doing.”
They were right. My old narrative of “trying” did not match the current reality of “doing.” That narrative, and those words came from a time when I was struggling with writing. Instead of writing, I told myself that I was “trying.”
My friend’s words stuck with me since that day. The recalibration of the narrative was helpful. I realized that a lot of the time when I am not actually accomplishing my goals, I use “I am trying” as an excuse for not doing an unpleasant or hard task.
“I am trying to call my family more often.”
“I am trying to connect with friends.”
“I am trying to find time to schedule that.”
“I am trying to be more organized and clean up my desk.”
“I am trying [and the list keeps going].”
I have become more aware of how often “I am trying” made its way into my life.
How often has this narrative kept you from the harder tasks? How has “I am trying” created an obstacle for you?
For me, the choice is simple. I am no longer trying. I simply have to do.
Coaching is an interesting process. Your role as a coach is to help provide the structure, clarify the issues, and ask a lot of questions. Occasionally, you also provide the accountability to hold people to deadlines or tasks. A coach must also resist the temptation of being the expert, especially if your “expertness” comes with pre-formed solutions.
Sometimes the coaching process feels like a meandering path. Other times, coaching resembles a highway with clear mile markers and ways to measure fast progress. Either way, as time passes there is movement. There are accomplishments. There are achievements.
When those accomplishment or achievements occur, those being coached are grateful. Some express their appreciation.
“Thanks Coach.”
“I owe it to you.”
“You are the reason this happened.”
After a coaching session, I heard similar expressions. I needed to reply.
“Take credit for yourself as well. I am not the reason this is happening. You are doing the work, I am just here to help you find the path.”
This appreciation if left unaddressed can become the second temptation of coaching: Taking all the credit.
Coaching should diminish as both accomplishments and confidence rises. Those being coached begin to ask their own questions, set their own goals, and hold themselves accountable. Coaching may continue through the progress, but at a lessor degree and may eventually cease.
Properly balanced coaching can move people forward with their life, career, business, and/or personal goals. No matter which side of the coaching relationship you are in, keep these two things in mind:
If you are coaching others, remember to resist both temptations (expert and credit).
If you are being coached, remember to take credit for yourself as well.
(Image Courtesy of http://www.angiesroost.com)
A friend recently reached out to make sure we were okay. Nothing specific happened, just a little time passed since we last connected.
“Are we okay?”
“Yes. Why, do you think something is wrong?”
“No, just sometimes when time passes our connections get a little rusty.”
Rusty Connections. As time passes things don’t move with the same fluidity. There can be resistance or breakdown. Sometimes, things just stop working.
Our relationships and our connections with others can get rusty. They may have become stiff and lack the flexibility they once had. The passage of time may have caused them to stop working the same way they did years ago.
There is good news. With effort, many of these Rusty Connections can move again. That effort may take the form of a phone call, a text or email, or even a letter (see below). But remember, a rusty hinge doesn’t return to its original state. Time has passed, and it will move again but in a slightly different way. Perhaps with a little more effort.
(I have a good friend who is single-handedly attempting to bring back the written correspondence approach, and I applaud and am participating in this effort. Why not give it a try?)
NO. Followed by a puzzled look and a little pushback.
Sometimes there is more to this NO than I can Explain.
Sometimes there is no time to give the explanation due to the circumstances.
Sometimes there are others around who cannot hear the details.
NO needs Trust.
Trust that when the awkward No arrives and seems out of context that there is something more at stake.
Trust that when the situation calms or the opportunity arises, the explanation will come.
Trust that trusts you.
I am always looking for new customer service stories. Good or bad, I love to hear how we are all treated by companies and organizations. These experiences help us learn to provide good customer service to our customers either internal or external.
A few years back, a family member gave me a digital thermometer. It is one of those seemingly practical gifts that turns out to be something you use everyday. It has become essential to our cooking.
But there was a problem. We melted/lost the little plastic cover to the battery compartment. For months we had a piece of tape covering the spot, and the battery would fall out of place, requiring repositioning the battery over and over again.
The other day, as I was wrestling with the device, I noticed there was an address and phone number listed on the side.
I called.
Rachel answered the phone. She was nice and listened to my tale of the missing cover.
“I can send you another one right away. Which color is it? Red? Yes we just need your address.”
I thanked her and immediately got an email confirmation that the little red cover was on its way.
Yesterday I went to the mailbox and retrieved a small brown envelope. After a quick tear of the top, the contents slid into my hand.
It was not the cover that made my day.
What a simple act. What an amazing way to demonstrate to a customer that the call, the part, or the issue was not a burden.
Thank you Rachel for setting a standard for all of us.
Carl Weber Consulting 