Category: Knowing Yourself

insertfunnydomainname.com

Posted on by Carl Weber

I mentioned a while ago about my habit of calling a few friends on the way to work. These morning calls provide us with a way to keep “the cup” away from our homes, and give us some time to connect and process out our lives together.  Unfortunately we do not always connect and have to leave a voicemail.

With one friend in particular I have developed a habit.  For some reason (perhaps because they know it’s me calling) I get their voicemail more often than not.  After listening to their voicemail message over and over, and hearing them say that can also be reached at their email at blahblahblah@domainname.com, I had a funny idea.

Instead of simply leaving a message, my quest was to come up with a funny domain name back to them when I called after the beep.

It goes something like this:

Beep.

Hi, this is

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

and I am sorry I missed you.  Call me back or you can reach me at my email

Carl@whydoesn’tmyfriendeveranswerthephone.com

We would laugh and developing these domain names became a way for us to essentially explain why we were calling or what we needed in a few short words.

Hi, this is Carl@Iamabadfriendwhonevercallsback.com give me a call soon.

Sorry I missed you, this is Carl@whatthehellwereyouthinking.com you’d better call right away!

Hey, Carl@feelingprettystressedatwork.com call right away!

The funny domain names helped us say a little about how we were feeling, or at times what we needed from each other.  Sometimes they were less funny and more of a clue that we needed something deeper.  Reflecting on this, I wonder…what is your domain name?  What story would it tell about you for us to know your real situation or circumstance without the normal filtered approach to our conversations.  Maybe it would help if we knew this about each other and ourselves.

you@tooafraidtoactoraskforhelp.com

you@takingontheworldtoday.com

you@justtakingitonedayatatime.com

you@wonderingifmydreamsarestillpossible.com

Go ahead and reply with your domain name today.  Who knows, just putting it out there may help it become a reality.

Time

Posted on by Carl Weber

Yesterday was the first day wearing my watch in almost two years.  This watch had been sitting dormant because of its need for some major repairs.  For most people, a watch is just a way to keep track of time, but this watch is something different (or at least it was supposed to be different).  This watch and I have been together for 20 years.

A few short days after graduating from high school, I woke up each day in the Navy. Every day was planned, structured, and dictated by someone else.  Days were long, routine, and blended together and I never wore a watch.  There was never really a reason to wear a watch when each day was someone else’s and you were just along for the ride.

But as my four-year journey was coming to an end, I began to think.  Maybe spending all that time at sea gives you time with your thoughts that the average person doesn’t normally have in life…or maybe it was just breathing all that salt-filled air.  My thoughts were filled with plans, ideas, and goals for life.

One of the first things I did upon my return (besides rushing down to start dating the woman who would ultimately become my wife) was to buy myself this watch.  It took a while to find the right watch.  Something nice, but not too nice.  Something that would last, and stay in style.

Eventually, I found the watch I was looking for and in an overly ceremonious way, purchased the watch.  After unwrapping it, and placing it on my wrist, I told myself something as it rested there for the first time.

“Your time is now your own, and this should be a reminder to make the most of it.”

This reminder helped me through harder times ahead, through college exams, moving and changing jobs, and periodic failures in life.  The reminder was present at amazing times of our wedding, kids, first houses and jobs, and establishing a life together.

Yesterday as I drove to work, sat in meetings, went to a parent-teacher conference, shopped for school supplies, and came home, the watch was there.  Periodically while glancing down at the movement of the hands, I was reminded of my words to myself so long ago.  It was as if for a moment, I was receiving a reminder and a challenge from my 22-year-old self.

“Your time is still your own, are you making the most of it?”

Until you become it

Posted on by Carl Weber

Amy Cuddy on Ted.com speaks about how our body language can shape who we are, and ultimately our success.  Why not give it a try?  Raise those arms high.  Who knows, eventually you may become what you have been hoping for all along.

Untethered

Posted on by Carl Weber

There may be a better word, a better term, or a better way to describe that interesting feeling that comes from feeling completely scattered and overwhelmed.  However you describe it, the unanchored position during chaotic times can undo us.  Unfortunately, this untethered state can creep into our lives before we realize it, and the blur of activity seems to help keep us unaware of our own state of mind.

Are you untethered?  Answer a few of these questions to see.

1.  Are you feeling anxious even if no specific event can be pointed to as the cause?

2.  Do you feel that time is slipping from you and you are not accomplishing what you need to?

3.  Is your to-do list growing at a rate faster than your accomplished tasks?

4.  Are you tired, even when you are not doing anything?

5.  Do you have a hard time starting projects even when the deadline is looming?

6.  Do you jump from task to task despite not completing the prior activity?

If you answered yes to 3 or more of these, you may be in an untethered state.

What can we do if we find ourselves in an untethered state?

Here are a few recommendations.

1.  Don’t make any large decisions (unless absolutely necessary).

2.  Slow down, make lists of what you need to do as long as you also include a list of what you should STOP doing.

3.  Do at least one of the difficult or hard tasks on the list first each day.

4.  Connect with others and be accountable for the hard things on that list.

5.  Find a tether or anchor that will help keep you from being scattered.  This can be a person, a book, a setting, or a state of mind.  For me this includes going to a “third space” or a place that is not my home or office where distractions are limited.  My favorite space is a local library or local coffee shop where it seems just separate enough from my other places that I can focus on specific projects that need to be completed.

6.  Regulate your screen time (Computer, phone, and TV).  Too much seems to act like a distraction from our actual lives.

7.  Stop multitasking.  Doing multiple things at once just add to the untethered state.  Accomplishing the most important task in front of you will prove more productive than simply doing a piece of five tasks.  I printed out a little card for my desk with a few simple words “What is the highest and best use of my time…RIGHT NOW!”  This small reminder acts like a tether that keeps the focus on what I need to do, especially if I was avoiding a particular task.

8.  Get some exercise.  You don’t have to run a marathon, but get moving.  Go for a walk, run on that treadmill, or just stretch your arms above your head and breath deeply.

When you find yourself in an untethered state, remember to try a few ideas on the list. Start slowly, and over time you may feel more anchored, more in control.

You can do it! I know you can! 

We Just Need a Strong Leader

Posted on by Carl Weber

Working with teams is great.  But, I have noticed a pattern.  When there is difficulty, conflict or lack of communication an interesting pattern emerges during the various sessions.  What I hear during these sessions is consistent.

Sometimes these statements are a muttering in the back of the room, other times they are directly proclaimed for the group.

“We just need a strong leader.”

“If the [insert bosses title here] did more of [whatever topic we are discussing] we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

My personal favorite – “This is all well and good, but when will our leader apply some of these principles?”

In most cases I am there because the leader has identified the issue and wants to inspire collective solutions and buy in from the group.  Admittedly these leaders have not always lead deliberately, but the demands of their time and energy has increased, and they assumed that these teams would self-manage or self-lead through the routine of the day.

Then something interesting occurs.  The leader begins to lead, and in a strong and deliberate way.  The leader provides clear direction, communicates a larger vision, and begins to hold everyone accountable for results.  This newfound accountability eventually finds its way to those vocal critical few.  According to their earlier statements, what follows would logically be a happy embrace of this new leadership model.  Tragically, it doesn’t.

“Who does [insert leader’s name here] think they are messing with the way we have done things?”

“Can you believe that they want us to report on our activities, why don’t they just leave us alone like before?”

“Why do they keep making us go to meetings?  Why are they in our space so often?  Why are they asking so many questions?”

As the leader becomes stronger and tackles the various issues they find that the people who so clearly demanded strong leadership, are the ones who fight the hardest against it when it arrives.  Often, those vocal few are no longer there in a few years because when they said “We Just Need a Strong Leader” what they really meant was “I need someone to complain about to deflect attention from my own lack of personal leadership.”

Maybe that vocal person was right.  The organization did need stronger leadership, but you should be careful what you wish for…you just might get it.

Theory, Paper and Real Life

Posted on by Carl Weber

Sadly, a lot of times I am better in theory or on paper than I am in real life.  I have certain beliefs about the way the world or people should be, how they can better connect with and work with each other and I think, write and even periodically teach these concepts. Applying these concepts to my own life has proven to be a challenge.  I will give you a few examples.

Preparing to teach on emotional intelligence and becoming stressed about it and losing my cool with the kids about their homework.

Writing a blog about communicating while getting into an argument with those around me.

Teaching on coaching in the workplace while canceling my coaching session with one of my employees.

My ability to offer great advice to others while failing to take that exact same advice for my own present situation is remarkable (unfortunately).

I heard a very important idea from Jack Enter, a speaker and author.  During a session on failing as a leader, he warned us that believing in something and putting it into practice are two separate things.  He warns us to be careful about being satisfied with our beliefs while never executing on the actions necessary to do the steps needed to be the people and leaders we need to be.

Our (or at least my) ability to allow this disconnect between theory, who we are on paper, and real life is amazing.  The ability to have two seemingly contrary positions without noticing it has become more apparent to me, especially when I fail.

Jack recommends disciplining ourselves to implement these concepts, while being accountable to others so we actually do these things.  How to you make sure your theories or who you are on paper makes it into your real life?

For me, the morning phone call helps because it provides a space to be honest about where I didn’t measure up, and be accountable to others to make changes that bring my life more in line with these theories I believe.