Category: Knowing Yourself

Take Credit For Yourself As Well

Posted on by Carl Weber

Coaching is an interesting process. Your role as a coach is to help provide the structure, clarify the issues, and ask a lot of questions. Occasionally, you also provide the accountability to hold people to deadlines or tasks. A coach must also resist the temptation of being the expert, especially if your “expertness” comes with pre-formed solutions.

Sometimes the coaching process feels like a meandering path. Other times, coaching resembles a highway with clear mile markers and ways to measure fast progress. Either way, as time passes there is movement. There are accomplishments. There are achievements.

When those accomplishment or achievements occur, those being coached are grateful. Some express their appreciation.

“Thanks Coach.”

“I owe it to you.”

“You are the reason this happened.”

After a coaching session, I heard similar expressions. I needed to reply.

“Take credit for yourself as well. I am not the reason this is happening. You are doing the work, I am just here to help you find the path.”

This appreciation if left unaddressed can become the second temptation of coaching: Taking all the credit.

Coaching should diminish as both accomplishments and confidence rises. Those being coached begin to ask their own questions, set their own goals, and hold themselves accountable. Coaching may continue through the progress, but at a lessor degree and may eventually cease.

Properly balanced coaching can move people forward with their life, career, business, and/or personal goals. No matter which side of the coaching relationship you are in, keep these two things in mind:

If you are coaching others, remember to resist both temptations (expert and credit).

If you are being coached, remember to take credit for yourself as well.

 

 

Why Do We Race?

Posted on by Carl Weber

image001

Why do we race?

We race because it keeps us in the game. (we are not giving up)

We race because we do. (we don’t just try or talk about running)

We race because races make us train. (when it would be easier to stay home, skip, or avoid)

We race because it brings us together. (we are on a team, and together we all get better)

We race because we want to challenge ourselves. (better times and pace combined with pre-race nerves)

We race because it makes us push. (a few seconds each mile, that extra run, that extra push)

We race because we are competitive. (PRs, keeping up, passing that one runner)

We race because we want to finish well. (in life as well as running)

We race because that is what runners do. (and yes, we are runners)

The Contest (and rules and giveaway)

Posted on by Carl Weber

Know Yourself. Change the World

The Contest

Know Yourself. Change the World. A lot of my work with people starts with a better understanding of their own styles. Either in the coaching relationship or when working with leadership teams, starting with better self-knowledge is a key step towards making progress and improvement.

Ever wonder about your behavioral style and how you are wired? Have you wanted to know yourself better and learn ways to be more effective in the workplace or life? Do you ever wish that you could communicate better with others, and have a better handle on who you are?

Here is your chance.

The Giveaway

One lucky winner will receive a complimentary assessment of their behaviors and motivators along with a one hour debrief with me via Skype or FaceTime (a $500 value). This is an online assessment and you will receive a report (around 46 to 52 pages) that will allow you to better understand yourself (both strengths and weaknesses). We will spend a little time together talking about how this new insight will help you in your career, life, relationships, and journey.

The Rules

To enter this drawing, all you have to do is leave a comment in the comments section of this post. Pretty simple. You don’t have to comment more than once, that doesn’t help your chances. Remember to leave your name or some identifier so I can announce the winner and contact you. A winner will be picked at random.

The Contest is open until 5 PM (EST), Friday October 3rd, 2014. A winner will be announced shortly after this deadline.

Let the contest begin!

If you have already taken one of these assessments with me, send this to someone you know who could benefit from greater self-awareness and understanding.

Spread the word.

The Less Than Default Switch

Posted on by Carl Weber

After hearing similar narratives during different coaching sessions, a pattern became clear.

Different people, same narratives.

Different issues, same descriptions.

Different positions, same struggles.

“I want to write, I would love to write, but I am not good enough compared to him/her.”

“Other people in the office seem to have their act together, but not me.”

“I am not as [insert word here] as her/him.”

“That [job, career, relationship, achievement] is for someone else, not me.”

“I’m sorry…[not always for anything specific, but a response to lots of circumstances or conflicts, even when they are not at fault].”

An image of a switch came to my mind. A switch buried deep within their being that was stuck on the Less Than setting by default.

Neutral Switch_Less than

The Less Than Default Switch.

No matter what actually is occurring in their lives, the switch in this position interprets them as being Less Than others. When they achieve something great, accomplish a goal, or create something amazing, the switch discounts all of it.

Even worse, when thinking about trying something new, striving for a goal, or being creative, the Less Than Default Switch short-circuits the motivation to try.

I mentioned the switch.

Surprise. Revelation. A few tears.

“Just for a moment, imagine that switch. See it in the Less Than position…Now, turn the switch to Neutral.”

Understanding.

“Just think about what you could do, accomplish, try, achieve, create, or pursue now that your switch is in the Neutral position.”

Hope.

Neutral Switch

Listen, to yourself and those around you. If your Less Than Default Switch is active, go ahead and give that knob a turn. Move it to Neutral. If someone around has the switch on Less Than, help them move their knob as well.

Over time, Neutral can become your new default setting.

No more discounting.

No more comparison.

Just you; allowing your gifts, talents, creativity, and art to flow.

 

Habit Residue

Posted on by Carl Weber

Coffee Residue

We all have Habits.

Certain things we do that are a recurring pattern. Some we enjoy and are positive in our lives. Others are not great for us, and we struggle with changing them.

Habits become wired in our brains so we can focus on other more important aspects of our lives. Try to be more aware the next time you brush your teeth, take a shower, or get dressed, watch how this pattern of brushing, washing and dressing unfolds. The odds are you have a Habit that follows a pattern.

However, breaking a prior habit and re-wiring something new takes time and effort. In the first few weeks of trying something new, the old Habit tries to reestablish its dominance.

While helping someone establish a new Habit and replace and old one, they became frustrated when the old Habit returned.

“It seems to be back. I am trying.”

“You have made a lot of progress, maybe that is just the Habit Residue.”

“What are you taking about?”

“You know, what is left behind after something is gone. After I drink my coffee, there is coffee residue in the mug. The coffee is gone, I can still smell it, but the actual coffee is no longer here.”

We laughed and they were able to move forward. Somehow putting the Habit Residue in its place made it seem less powerful, less able to reassert itself back in their life.

What Habits are not working for you? What areas of your life, work, home, or relationships could use some new patterns?

Changing these Habits may not be easy, especially when the Habit Residue pretends to be the real thing. Putting the Habit Residue in its place may be a good place to start.

Ask or Act

Posted on by Carl Weber

Neighborhood-Doggarter_large

(Images courtesy of seespotshinedogtraining.com and nhmountainhiking.com)

Two simple choices. Ask or Act.

If things were only that easy.

As I learn more about our “fight or flight” reaction in our brains, there is another “f” reaction that seems to take hold.

Freeze.

The state where we become paralyzed to take any action. The Freeze could be fear of making a mistake, or letting someone down. The Freeze may be a product of our own insecurities and self-doubt. Whatever the cause, the Freeze holds us back from taking action or accomplishing our goals.

I am sure this Freeze came in handy when a ferocious animal was spotted and remaining motionless prevented an attack. However, except for the occasional dog off the leash in my neighborhood when I am running, or the unsuspecting garter snake in my garden, there are not a lot of animals that cause me concern.

What should we do when we find ourselves in a state of Freeze?

Back to the two choices. Ask or Act.

If you are not sure what to do, Ask someone. Ask for clarification or direction. Ask for more details or better guidance. Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen if you make a mistake. Ask for help. Ask yourself what is causing this fear.

If you have an idea what to do, Act and accomplish the task. Act in a way that gets you closer to the goal and moves you forward.

Hopefully these two simple choices help you the next time Freeze takes over.