Category: Habits

Your Super Secret Bonus Day

Posted on by Carl Weber

While having breakfast with a friend yesterday, I was reminded about an idea I had a few years back.

“You know what I need?  I need one of those secret bonus days you talked about inventing.”

It had been so long that I had forgotten my radical idea/invention, time altering notion.

(Image Courtesy of Western Michigan University Registrar’s Office)

The idea is a simple one, but does require altering the space-time continuum.  Everyone, and I mean everyone gets a Super Secret Bonus Day each week.  It appears on your calendar.  It can be between Wednesday and Thursday, after a hard Monday, anywhere you like, it is up to you.

The Super Secret Bonus Day is yours.  You get to do those things that you never get to do for yourself given your busy almost crazy paced life.  Read that book, go to the beach and lay in the sun, write, paint, sing, or just rest.  There is a catch.

No one else knows you are gone during your Super Secret Bonus Day.  You may have spent that day at the beach between Monday and Tuesday, but no one noticed.  For them, it was business as usual, but you are surprisingly tan and relaxed.  There are no logistics that you have to work out to have your day, no child care, no guilt for wanting to spend some time alone away from your significant other, kids, parents, co-workers, boss or friends.  It is your day and everyone gets one.

As we talked a little more at breakfast, I began to wonder.  Why is this concept so attractive, yet so unattainable?  (Besides the whole altering time thing…)  We are so busy, so stretched, and so scheduled that there is no time left for us.  We all have these lists of things we would like to do, but time slips away and they become a somewhat resentful reminder that there was no time to accomplish these things.

Given that a few years have passed and I have been unable to alter the course of time (despite a few good attempts), I have a new idea.  We can still have our Super Secret Bonus Day, but it may look a little different.  Everyone can have a Super Secret Bonus Day but the reality is you need to schedule it on your calendar.  Once a week may be too much to start, so I am going to try for once a month (for some of you, once a quarter may be more realistic).

Here is my plan.  I am going to put my Super Secret Bonus Day on the calendar once a month.  A day for just me to ponder life, read, and write a little while sipping coffee in some amazing local coffee shop, eating a lunch without the rushing of managing young kids, and quiet time in a library or art gallery.  What will your Super Secret Bonus Day include?

A few Super Secret Bonus Day Guidelines (no rules, this is supposed to be fun right?)

1.  It is your day.

2.  Do something you like that is not work related.

3.  Come to some agreement with those within your sphere that you each get a day, and let it happen without making the other person feel guilty for taking their day.

4.  Help someone else take their day (watch their kids, encourage them to schedule it).

5.  Have fun!

Your Story

Posted on by Carl Weber

Ever considered your life as an epic journey or story?  Have you ever wanted a live a great story?  Maybe deep down we all want to live a great story, but get sidetracked along the way.  Hope this video inspires you today to get out there and create a story worth reading.

http://www.mystoryline.net/

My Cooked Finger is Weak…

Posted on by Carl Weber

The other day I was having this interesting conversation with someone about their voicemail message.  Essentially, they never set up their voice on their cell phone.  When you call them, you get the standard voice stating you reached their number and a beep.  I am always suspect of the standard default voice because I am never sure if I called the right number or not.  I had to ask.

Why didn’t you set up your voice mail?

Well, if I am not there, someone should just text me.

Fair enough.  But what if someone doesn’t realize it is your cell phone?

Then they should not be calling me!

The rest of the conversation was spent coming up with creative messages for their voicemail.  They fell into a few categories:

1.  Trying to be funny.  These are voicemails that try to get a laugh.  One suggestion was the “Hello…hang on just a minute…” or “Hello, I cannot hear you…hello” approach.

2.  Trying to be deep.  These voicemails hinged around indicating that you were either contemplating the universe, conquering the world, or serving humanity.

3.  Trying to be crazy.  These involved getting multiple people in on the voicemail and involved yelling, shouting or various noises in the background (concert, jet plane, or zoo animals).  At one point I was trying to find a way to get the phone and put the message on there when the person was not looking.

It was during this conversation that I remembered the craziest voicemail I had ever heard.  To this day, it always wins hands down!  I first heard it while in college.  I had a musician friend with a few roommates.  At the time, those little magnets with words on them were new and popular and people stuck all these little word-magnets on their refrigerators.  As the story goes, they were making random word combinations and the result was read into their answering machine.  Each roommate had a sentence to read.  Each roommate waded deeply into their respective role.  The result was something different.  Something crazy.

For the full effect you have to read each sentence out loud as if you were the greatest actor or perhaps the greatest over-actor on the planet (a slight British accent helps).  Read them with determination.  Read them with feeling.  Read them with as much emotion as you can muster and you will have just a taste of what I heard the first time I called their number.

“My cooked finger is weak.”

“Misty is she who asks a thousand boys.”

Eat, though you have leg of iron.”

Beep

Is your voicemail message funny, or deep, or crazy?  I was reminded that sometimes we let this sort of crazy creativity mellow with age.  What a shame.  We should get crazier and more daring with age, not more reserved.  So, get out there and be creative.  Come up with something new for your voicemail, or maybe even your life.  If you dare, have the courage to share it with all of us.

Learning to Say NO!

Posted on by Carl Weber

(Image Courtesy of Sharon Young: Thanks Sharon!)

Learning to say “No” is not always easy.  People ask us to agree to things all the time.

“Will you help out on this committee?”

“Can we get together soon?”

“Will you watch my kids, paint my house, be my friend, volunteer your time, follow me and my cause, buy crap from my kids (well you get the idea).”

I am beginning to hear what I call the “soft yes” in response to these multiple requests. The “soft yes” isn’t really a yes, it is a “no” veiled in terms that are our attempt to politely decline, but we don’t feel comfortable saying it.  I find myself doing this at times and recently this is what I am hearing:

“I guess I can.”

“If I have to.”

“Maybe…”

“Okay.”

How many times have you agreed to something where your heart really wasn’t into it, and you would have preferred to say “no”?  In striking a balance between your life, your work, your family, and just being you, there will be things you need to say no to.  You cannot be all things to all people, and the over-committed life is not a pleasant one (for you or for those around you).

Where do we start?  In his book, Magnificent Mind at Any Age, Dr. Daniel Amen states that the inability to say no (or impulsively say yes) creates an overwhelmed state where you become immersed with other people’s priorities that distract you from your own goals. He offers us a way to reply and encourages us to learn the following phrase when someone asks us to do something:

“I need to think about it.  If I want to do it, I will get back to you.”

Wow.  Simple yet effective.  That one phrase may help bring needed balance to your life. Be prepared, if you have been on “automatic yes” or “soft no” and still agreeing in the end, this may feel strange to those around you.  It is funny, just recently I realized how much I have been giving a “soft no” to someone who has been trying to get together with me, but the truth is I should have just said no instead of stringing them along and rescheduling the meeting.

Try it out, let me know how it works.  This may bring some needed balance to your life, and let you find yourself, not just serve others.  Use it well, and let me know how it goes.  I have a hard phone call to make, but it would have been easier if I had used this phrase in the beginning.

“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes.  It is very easy to say yes.”  Tony Blair

Collective Challenge Day 7 (Week 1 Recap)

Posted on by Carl Weber

Week 1, done.  Just three weeks and three days left.  Today seemed a bit harder than normal to stay away from the news.  I had gotten into the habit of spending Saturday mornings getting caught up on the news and happenings in the world.

During this week I found myself spending more time in silence, especially in the car.  When the particular podcast I listened to was complete, I couldn’t switch to the radio or news. Instead, I just shut it off.  It was strange at first, but as the days wore on, I found comfort in the absence of noise.

Silence is important.  It gave me time to think, process, and just let go of a few things.  As I was reflecting in silence, I remembered a book that I read by A. J. Jacobs, “The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment.”  A.J. takes on different experiments with his life and one that came to mind was when he decided to “unitask” (only doing one thing at a time) because in his words:

“I’m trying to do this because I realize I have a problem focusing.  My brain is all over the place.”  Chapter 8 – The Unitasker

I related to his words and the need to be less scattered and more focused.  And this challenge has helped bring some of that.  In my attempt to also be healthier this year, I have been trying to bring my lunch to work each day, and take 15 minutes or so to actually eat it.  This “lunch-time” has also been a great time to either watch a video on Ted.com or just read.  Coincidentally,  A.J Jacobs was on the front page this week and I watched his talk and he spoke about the importance of silence.  His talk appears below.

So far this week has felt less stressful, and the large sense of impending doom around the world seems to be slowly lifting away.  It is January and here in New Hampshire it is going to be sunny and 50 degrees today.  Let’s see what week two brings.

Collective Challenge Day 6 (My 50th Post!)

Posted on by Carl Weber

Two ceremonious events collide today:

1.  We are just about done with our first week of the challenge, and the comments (especially from yesterday’s post) and the phone call from a friend confirmed that we are doing something great together.  Sometimes I wonder if these ideas, questions, or challenges are just ramblings…and it is typically when I am doubting this blog or myself that one of you confirms the impact it has had on your actual life. It is this confirmation that helps us press on together.

2.  This is my 50th post!  This is a milestone.  As I shared with you before, I have not always been the type to sit down and set yearly goals.  Last year I did.  One of those goals was to actually write on a regular basis.  I was inspired by a friend who helped me realize that I didn’t have to write an entire book in a weekend, but could begin by regularly disciplining myself to write.  

Remember part of this challenge is to Dream Big.  Sometimes once you identify that dream, trying to figure out how to accomplish it can be overwhelming.  But the first step is making a decision to start towards that dream.

It was gaining the understanding that a small decision made every day could really change your life that helped me know where to begin.  I didn’t have to do it all at once, and neither do you.  This blog is the result of a small scary decision made on a regular basis!

I know I say this a lot, but thanks again for being part of this journey together.