Category: Change the World

A Little Friendly Research Part 1

Posted on by Carl Weber

Friendships have been on my mind lately.

Who has them? How do they work? What makes a good one?

Instead of providing my viewpoint, I asked you a series of questions.

A big thank you to all who courageously hit reply.

Question 1: What are the best attributes of your good friends?

They are funny, encouraging, and engaging.

They listen to listen, not to reply.

They are always good listeners when I need it, comic relief, and supportive.

They laugh at themselves and at me.

They like to laugh and to play and are wickedly funny in a way that’s not always appropriate.

Integrity, safety/security (based on trust, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness), humor, honesty.

Being there for each other emotionally and spiritually and being a great ear and supporting.

They ask me how my soul is on regular basis.

They listen, ask questions, and show genuine interest/concern in others.

They ask good questions and are ok if I have to not respond for a while.

They’re willing to be real – authentic, vulnerable and open.

They are consistent.

They value friendship and are willing to work through distance, conflicts, etc.

They cheer me on to do the things that scare me most.

They are kind, encouraging, and they try to keep a positive outlook.

We can always “pick up where we left off” no matter how much time has passed since we’ve seen each other in person.

Will accept you for who you are but will call you out when you are being stupid.

They are ready to offer a shoulder to cry on or boot up my ass and aren’t afraid to ask me which one I need most.

We can shift conversations from the deep places to the hilarious and irreverent and back again and not lose our way.

I think all relationships exist on a continuum with the shallow/superficial at one end and the secret at the other. What makes a friendship close is the ability to go from one end to the other, sometimes in the same conversation. Between the two endpoints are additional points—the silly, the serious, the sacred, the sacredly silly. Note: I’m pretty sure the continuum isn’t just populated with words that begin with s.

Again thank you for being part of this experiment. You didn’t have to, but maybe there was a lesson in that simple act of replying.

There were 8 more questions. And the answers just keep getting better and better.

A New Story

Posted on by Carl Weber

We all have a story.

There are events that shaped us, helped us, or hurt us.

These events shaped our story.

We tend to tell others this story, intentionally or not.

But time and new events also create a story.

Maybe we are stuck in an old story.

And the old story likes being told.

The old story wants top billing, even if that show hasn’t played in years.

“I don’t have close friends who connect with me.”

While out with a group of friends who are trying to connect.

“I was never good in school.”

While getting your Masters’ Degree with honors.

“I will never be able to do the more challenging work.”

While being asked to be part of projects and initiatives. 

As this New Year begins, maybe we need a new story.

But in order for this new story to be told, we need to let go of the old story.

The new story is waiting to be told.

A new story that reflects where we are heading.

A new story that doesn’t miss what is happening right now.

Becoming Equals

Posted on by Carl Weber

They needed some coaching, so you helped encourage and develop.

You needed to run your first 5K, so they helped you train.

They needed to lose weight, so you helped with healthy options, accountability, and support.

You needed assistance with strategy, so they helped provide perspective, options, and focus.

They needed to find a better career, relationship, or life-goal, so you provided some guidance.

You were a little scattered and out there, so they helped organize and ground you.

They were a little structured and serious, so you helped them be messy and fun.

These relationships start in interesting ways.

One of you needs something, and the other is there to help.

At first the roles were clear.

One of you is the expert, coach, parent, mentor, counselor, or consultant. The other one needs what you have.

One of you is giving, the other is receiving.

Typically this approach only works for the short-term. Once the need is met, you disengage and move on.

But sometimes, these relationship continue.

These relationships begin to change.

You are Becoming Equals.

What was once mentoring becomes mutual assistance or expertise.

What was once consulting becomes sharing ideas together.

What was once coaching becomes both playing at the same level.

What was once parenting becomes more like a friendship.

Becoming Equals doesn’t happen overnight.

Becoming Equals requires both of you to shift.

Becoming Equals allows both of you to shine.

One day you notice the person who use to run a few steps behind you is now at your side, and even ahead of you.

One day you are both leading.

One day you are both moving forward.

There is a time and place for the first roles.

But there is something more.

Something better.

Becoming Equals may be what makes relationships really great.

Becoming Equals may be what makes relationships last.

 

The Efficiency Expert

Posted on by Carl Weber

They are in every organization. They look at your process, workflow, or procedures and wonder why you are doing things that way.

They scan the world and see what you cannot see: wasted time, wasted effort, wasted energy.

They may be perceived as complaining, but they are not. They are trying to maximize the return for their own time and others.

They are the ones close enough to the action, the actual work, to understand where it can improve.

You may feel threatened, especially if you created the original way or process.

You may not be doing the work anymore, and are not close enough to find better ways.

You may need to listen, and let them help you.

I have my own personal Efficiency Expert.

She is the youngest of four.

Sometimes I misinterpret her motives as complaining or procrastination, but she doesn’t want to waste time or energy.

She finds better ways of doing routine tasks.

She challenges the old way, my way, and many times finds a better way.

The Efficiency Expert - Dishes

“You need to unload the dishwasher.”

“Ok, but this takes so much time.”

“Unload the dishwasher.”

“Ok, but this takes so much time…and I have an idea for next time. Why don’t we all put the silverware together in the same little bin instead of just dumping it in all mixed up.”

“Why would we want to do that?”

“Because just putting it in randomly seems like no big deal until you have to unload and put the silverware away. If we all spent a little more time loading the dishwasher, unloading becomes so much easier and faster. The silverware is already pre-sorted and you just have to pick it up and put it away.”

“You are amazing!”

“I know.”

The Efficiency Expert is in your home, office, or workplace. They can help you and the whole organization when you learn to listen.

Swords Up

Posted on by Carl Weber

Arwen-LOTR

We watched epic movies together, and it felt like a journey and perhaps reminded us of our own Hero’s Journey.

During the years while the original movies were playing, this same group of close friends would chat via various messaging programs (texting wasn’t as cool back then) and it provided a way to connect. We would leave small words of encouragement, or check in when we knew one of the others were struggling.

But (yes it is a little goofy) we would also periodically change our picture or icon to represent one of the Lord of the Rings characters that resonated with us. When we knew that there were specific obstacles, resistance, or doubt one of us would type:

Swords Up!

And all the icons or pictures would change. They were the same characters, but this time wielding a sword.

Legolas

As I drove home from my meeting the other day when the Lord of the Rings soundtrack was playing, I remembered those two words: Swords Up.

eowyn

Those swords were a show of protection, defense, and willingness to fight alongside each other.

If Joseph Campbell is right, great stories are pretty much the same and give us a glimpse of the life we are capable of leading. And maybe, just maybe it is friends who are willing to put their Swords Up for and with you that make all the difference.

Thanks Friends, and for old times sake: Swords Up!

Sword

The Hero’s Journey

Posted on by Carl Weber

“Why should I watch these movies? How many hours are these? That is a lot of time to commit.”

“Yeah, I know. But there is something about it that seems important.”

Trying to explain the impact, importance, and the journey of watching a classic story like the Lord of the Rings trilogy to someone who has not read the books or viewed the 9 to 12 hours of movies can feel almost impossible.

However, this story follows Joseph Cambell’s Hero’s Journey that makes up most the classic stories that seem to resonate with us. These are the stories that are told for generations.

Instead of trying to explain the Hero’s Journey, just watch this Short Video by Iskander Krayenbosch from Leiden, Netherlands. Nice work Iskander!

These stories begin with ordinary people being called out of an ordinary world, into a world that is large, filled with peril, and they are filled with doubt and fear. Ultimately, the hero overcomes fear and gets the reward, and is changed.

To make the case for watching these films, I sent a video along with one of the greatest moments of fear, doubt, peril, and ultimately triumph from a seemingly underrated hero.

In a strange coincidence, I was in a meeting within the next hour. During the meeting there was music playing in the background. Not just any music, but the soundtrack from the Hobbit/Lord of the Rings.

Somehow the memories, the journey, and the story was weaving its way into my day again. The music and memory cocktail made this meeting feel like the start of an epic story, with a hero that is being calling into a larger world, but will face doubts, fears, and setbacks, and ultimately will change the world and themselves in the process.

The handful of people I originally watched these movies with are still close and in my circle. We spent many hours together, and although didn’t actually go on that specific quest of trying to destroy a ring, have had quests of our own.

We felt ordinary.

We felt like we were thrust into a larger world.

We doubted ourselves.

We had setbacks.

We stood together.

We triumphed.

If Joseph Campbell was right, all great stories follow the same pattern. The resonance may be our own desire to live a story worth reading.

How will your story read?