Category: Being Thankful

Thanks for the Pool…

Posted on by Carl Weber

Thanks for the PoolThis week was Hot!

At one point the little temperature gauge in my car read 103 degrees.  At the height of the heat I got a quick text from my wife.  It read,

“The pool is so awesome.  Thank you so much for getting it and putting it up.”

The day came to a close and as I walked out to my car after a long day at work.  I walked beside another person and mentioned that I got a thank you from my spouse about setting up the pool.  What I heard back caught me a little off guard.

“I sent a thank you to my spouse as well for putting the air conditioners in the windows…and they are still sitting in the basement and not installed.”

I felt the need to clarify.

“No, it was a real thank you because they appreciate the pool on such a hot day.  It was not a sarcastic thank you.”

The person looked confused and only replied with a puzzled, “oh” and got in their car and drove off.  I thought to myself, “Wow, this person thought my spouse was being critical of me and was joining in about their spouse.”

This reminded me of how often I hear other people criticizing their spouses or significant others, their friends, and even this kids in front of others.  I grew up around a lot of people who would do this, and it has taken a lot of effort to not follow in that path.

Why do we feel so compelled to express such dissatisfaction with others?  What makes matters worse is how often I hear it happen in front of the person being criticized.

“He is just not that handy around the house, and we have to pay a lot to get simple things done around our house.”

“She is not great at managing the day-to-day, so I have to step in a lot.”

“They are not that sharp, and I don’t know how they are going to make it after highschool.”

I am heading to a party with a lot of couples and their kids this afternoon, and I am going to count how many times I hear this happening (maybe it could someday be a kind of a sad bingo game for parties).  For the next week or so, take the time to listen for it, you may be amazed at how often this occurs.  When you hear it happening, have the courage to step in and provide an encouraging word or re-direct the conversation.    And if you catch yourself doing it…Stop it. 

The List, the Life, and the Legacy

Posted on by Carl Weber

The List

Today is the first time I am removing someone from my subscription list.  Why am I telling you?  It is important to the story.  The removal is not for anything they said, or anything they did.  Removing them is more of a painful housekeeping process because they passed away this week.  It seems like the right thing to do, so these posts are not just one more detail or item to be dealt with by the family.

The Life

I have a friend who is currently writing a book called What Will They Say?, about the lessons learned by attending funerals of 30 strangers.  Over the past year I have attended a few funerals/life celebrations and yesterday marked another.  During these events, I find myself sitting there amazed at what you learn when people talk about those who have passed, and wondering how to apply some of the lessons you learn from others’ lives.

Yesterday was no exception.  I learned about generosity combined with grace.  I learned about a person who led in all aspects of life with a quiet perseverance that impacted many of those around them.  I learned that despite being taught to take the safe route and to avoid disappointments in life by not dreaming, this person went to college, started businesses and the packed service was a testament to someone who impacted many.

The Legacy

Their passing was not a complete surprise, some illnesses are not swift and take us over a period of years.  Because of this, there was some preparation for the recent events including the passing of the company to one of the children.  A month or so ago, while celebrating the transfer of a business it became clear that the end was near and the night included celebrating the contributions and impact of this life.  Unlike yesterday, they were still with us.

This event had a greater impact on me than imagined as I watched a business person, spouse, parent, and friend pass down a legacy to each group.  I witnessed the gracious generosity of a less celebrated form of leader: one who is gentle, cares deeply, and does the right thing. 

I will be taking them off the list today and it is harder than I thought.  Perhaps that is part of my own grieving process to write about this, and challenge myself to live differently today.  We don’t always know the impact we have on others (for good for bad) and while reflecting I wonder if this person knew how much impact they were having on me.  Their impact on me was subtle, but there is something to be said about the impact of a life well lived.  Maybe that was the best lesson of all.

Three Things I Learned from My Mom

Posted on by Carl Weber

While reflecting the other day, I wondered where we pick up things in life that help shape us as people.  We all experience different events, and those events, interactions, and examples (good or bad) shape the very nature of who we become.  Some of who we are is the product of who our parents were and we take some of it from them, reject some, but it shapes us nonetheless.

There were things I learned from my Mom.  You see, she was a single mom raising three boys.  She worked primarily as a waitress her entire life.  The hours allowed her to be there in the morning, and when we got home from school, but the work was hard.  Three major lesson come to mind that were passed from her to us.  Intentionally or not, those lessons were pretty clear.

Be Tough.  Work Hard.  Celebrate Events.

Be Tough.  This may have been less intentional, but more a product of circumstance. Money was tight, our roof leaked (a lot), and there were times when chopping wood was the deciding factor between being warm or cold.  I am sure there were days when she wondered if she could make it another day, but she kept pushing forward.  She demonstrated that even when life is hard (which it totally is at times), you need to be tough in order to survive.

Work Hard.  Long hours and weekends on her feet “slinging hash” as she liked to call it, was what she did.  It is not glamorous work, but it paid the bills (most of the time).  Weeks, months, and years passed and you could tell that the work took its toll.  Sore feet, sore shoulders, and shoes that looked like they had seen a war.  I recently remembered sitting down as a kid and helping her dab on that white shoe polish that would make those shoes look like new again.

Celebrate Events.  Whether it was a birthday, a holiday, or some life event, we celebrated.  When I look at old photos, I can see the amazing cakes she decorated, the cookouts we had, the birthday parties with all of our friends.  Despite the lack of funds, we had fun.  When report cards came, if you did well, you got a “skip day” that meant a whole day with Mom doing something fun.

These lessons helped shape who I am today.  I have had to be tough to ensure hardship. Working hard helped me in life, in college (I was the first in many generations to attend), and in my career.  Most of all, I love to celebrate events.  Birthdays, anniversaries, or life events are savored like fine wine.

The other major lesson that is buried deep is an appreciation for what I have.  And it sometimes hits me in weird ways.  A roof that doesn’t leak.  Heat when you turn up the thermostat.  The ability to fill the gas tank in the car without having to dive into my change stash.  All of these things we may take for granted, but it is nice to remember and be content.

By the way, I don’t think she reads this blog and she would be embarrassed to be the subject matter.  But just in case she reads this someday…

Thanks for the lessons, Mom.

Collective Challenge Day 7 (Week 1 Recap)

Posted on by Carl Weber

Week 1, done.  Just three weeks and three days left.  Today seemed a bit harder than normal to stay away from the news.  I had gotten into the habit of spending Saturday mornings getting caught up on the news and happenings in the world.

During this week I found myself spending more time in silence, especially in the car.  When the particular podcast I listened to was complete, I couldn’t switch to the radio or news. Instead, I just shut it off.  It was strange at first, but as the days wore on, I found comfort in the absence of noise.

Silence is important.  It gave me time to think, process, and just let go of a few things.  As I was reflecting in silence, I remembered a book that I read by A. J. Jacobs, “The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment.”  A.J. takes on different experiments with his life and one that came to mind was when he decided to “unitask” (only doing one thing at a time) because in his words:

“I’m trying to do this because I realize I have a problem focusing.  My brain is all over the place.”  Chapter 8 – The Unitasker

I related to his words and the need to be less scattered and more focused.  And this challenge has helped bring some of that.  In my attempt to also be healthier this year, I have been trying to bring my lunch to work each day, and take 15 minutes or so to actually eat it.  This “lunch-time” has also been a great time to either watch a video on Ted.com or just read.  Coincidentally,  A.J Jacobs was on the front page this week and I watched his talk and he spoke about the importance of silence.  His talk appears below.

So far this week has felt less stressful, and the large sense of impending doom around the world seems to be slowly lifting away.  It is January and here in New Hampshire it is going to be sunny and 50 degrees today.  Let’s see what week two brings.

Collective Challenge Day 4

Posted on by Carl Weber

We are half way to our first whole week in our collective challenge for 2012.  Do I know how the stock market did yesterday?  Nope.  Have I heard the latest poll about who knows what? Again, no.  Have I endured the latest reason why I am not doing that thing that I should be doing or how the world is ending or how the globalization of mechanized currency exchange has led to the most significant depressing under-unemployment for demographics less than my current state?  NO!

This is what I do know.  I went to work yesterday after being away on vacation and connected with co-workers and realized I missed their faces.  I had a productive day at work and earned my pay.  I came home and ate dinner with my amazing wife and kids (the meatloaf was awesome).  After dinner I played war (the card game) with my youngest daughter and she totally crushed me.

The evening ended with tucking the kids into bed and reading them a story.  My world may be a little smaller, a little less informed, a little less global.   But my world is beginning to feel more connected and more important.

Thank you again for being part of this journey together.  Maybe we really can change the world.

Rocks, Remembering and Reflecting

Posted on by Carl Weber

Piles of rocks or stones (Cairns) are found all over the world.  They have marked graves, guided travelers and become shrines for worship.

Lately it seems like they are the favorite way to mark trails when you hike in the winter so you do not lose your way.

Stones seem to have a similar importance for me, my family and a few close friends.  We find ourselves making cairns when we go to the beach.  We also have a habit of collecting stones that mark events in our lives.  That walk, that hike, that special occasion typically ends with someone getting a new stone.  Yes we are the kind of people who give stones as gifts.  

During this season of being thankful, I find myself reflecting on events, people, and memories that have positively shaped my life.  It is easy to reflect when times are good, or when the season encourages us.  It becomes much harder when the storms enter our lives.

On my desk at work is a small wooden box.  The box contains a pile of stones.  There is a stone for each of my children.  There is stone for my wife, our marriage, and that great walk on the beach.  There are stones for other important occasions as well.  This cairn is a daily reminder to guide my path especially during hard times.  Remembering the positive can be hard, but having a tangible reminder each day helps me to stay on the path.

In the midst of a storm, it is all too easy to focus on the chaos, what might go wrong, or how this storm is too big for us to handle.  When the storm comes (and they always do) just picking up those stones seems to connect me to what is important…what really matters.

As you reflect on what you are thankful for, I encourage you to find a stone or some other tangible way to remember those events.  And may it become a way to mark your path.