Author: Carl Weber

Carl Weber, is the owner and founder of Carl Weber Consulting, a consulting group that helps businesses, non-profits, and individuals understand themselves, hire and manage well, and become great leaders. Carl worked in local government for more than ten years, as the Town Administrator of a few towns in NH. Once upon a time he was a search and rescue swimmer for the US Navy. Carl holds Bachelors’ Degrees in Political Science & Community Development and a Master’s Degree in Public Policy. Carl is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Motivators Analyst (CPMA). Carl regularly teaches on human factors and the relationship of behavior and leadership styles, as well as motivation, coaching, leadership challenges, and failing as a leader. His passion is to help leaders in their lifelong journey to finish well, to combat and work with their inner voice, and to live a meaningful story worth reading. Carl lives in Southern New Hampshire with his wife Amanda and together they are raising a small tribe of four young (somewhat crazy) women with the goal of unleashing them on the world to change it for the better.

Decisions versus Feelings

Posted on by Carl Weber

Whether running or life in general, I have noticed a pattern. Feelings can interfere with our decisions. 

Feelings can disrupt us.

Feelings often provide the much desired excuse to stop moving forward.

Recently I have just been observing how often I hear myself or others verbalizing how feelings have the veto power over our decisions.

Here is what I found: we say these things all the time.

“I am not sure if I will feel like running later.”

“I will let you know how I feel before I decide.”

“I don’t know if I feel up to doing 6 miles today.”

“Let’s see how we feel before we say yes.”

Who gave feelings this power over us? Who said feelings are ahead of everyone else in the line of importance? I understand that feelings are part of the mix, but when did feelings take the chair at the end of the table? The corner office? When did feelings start running the show?

After noticing this pattern during a recent conversation, I couldn’t help but bring it up.

“I heard you say multiple times that this decision is dependent on how you feel. What is preventing you from making the decision now?”

“Multiple times? Really?”

“Yup.” (I know, I know, great follow-up.)

“Well, I guess it is really fear. Fear of not being able to do it. Fear of not being successful after I put myself out there.”

Fear.

One of the most disruptive of feelings. Fear seems to be elbowing its way to the front of the feelings line.

There is a little secret to put feelings in their place.

Decisions.

Decisions to go for that run ahead of time.

Decisions to take on the project.

Decisions to take a risk.

Decisions to push yourself.

I heard a great quote about feelings:

“Feel what you feel. But do not trust them as objective reality.”

When feelings start elbowing their way to the front of the line, try making a few decisions to put them back where they belong.

P.S. Our little running team made the decision to run the other day when it was below 20 degrees and dropping almost a degree every 15 minutes.

Moving Forward

Posted on by Carl Weber

 

Moving-Forward

(Image Courtesy of capreform.eu)

The other day I had the privilege of going for a run with my youngest brother and my youngest daughter. We don’t see him very often because we live so far away, and running gave us time to connect just the three of us.

We ran. We laughed. We joked. We connected.

The conversation moved to something that we had just passed by.

It was then my daughter provided a bit of wisdom.

“It is hard to look backwards when you are moving forward.”

A simple statement.

A profound idea.

Sometimes the past isn’t satisfied with not being the star of the show.

Our lives are in the second or third act, but that first act keeps walking back on stage, interrupting and inserting itself into the present.

She was right. 

It is hard to look backwards when you are moving forward.

Just think about what 2015 might be if we keep that in mind.

 

 

 

 

A Little Further?

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Image courtesy of Google Maps and Screen Capture)

A planned team run.

A simple goal. 10 miles. A longer run.

The long route concludes on our regular course.

The roads we run on each week.

A Little Further?

Three simple words.

Three simple words posed as a question.

Three simple words posed as a question to push yourself.

Three simple words posed as a question to push yourself and stretch your goals.

A choice.

Go straight and meet the goal.

Go left and stretch.

A Little Further?

Yes.

Tired.

Comfort running on familiar roads. Knowing every little crack, sidewalk, and turn.

New equation: 10 + 3 (words) = 12.

Imagine what those three words could do for us.

Imagine pushing a little more with your job, life, relationships, family, clients, customers, partners, friends, and goals.

A Little Further?

Yes.

 

 

 

 

Parachuting In

Posted on by Carl Weber

MARSOC_parachutist

(Image Courtesy of Pinterest)

While getting coffee before a consulting gig, I happened to bump into two leaders from that same organization who were at a table sipping their morning brew. There was a brief pause.

“Hey, are you parachuting in again today?”

“Yes.”

Awkward pause.

“It’s not us right?”

“Nope, you are fine. In fact your departments are doing well.”

“Great. Good luck. We are just glad it is not us.”

Parachuting In: the new term this group jokingly uses when I stop by to help a division or group of folks in the organization understand themselves better, work through conflict, or learn to be a more effective team.

I kind of like it.

Parachuting in means someone is in immediate need of help.

Parachuting in means that you have come to help.

Parachuting in means that your mission or goal may be secret (you are not going to air another department’s issues when questioned).

Parachuting in means that your work is temporary.

Parachuting in means that you are bringing needed assistance, resources, and strategy.

Parachuting in means that it is their department, their operation, and their team.

That simple phrase has stuck with me. Partly because the work has been long-term enough to earn a nick-name.

What will your work’s nick-name be?

Is your art, your craft, your life, your relationships, your consulting, your business creating the right resonance to earn its own phrase or nick-name?

The other part that I remember is how happy they seemed that I was not there to see them.

Moats, Distance, and Drawbridges

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Caerlaverock Castle in Scotland courtesy of Wikipedia)

On the call the other day, I was connecting and checking in with someone important to me. They were describing an old relationship that did not end well. They had been hurt. Words were exchanged. The relationship, although important, had essentially ended.

Because of some recent circumstances, they needed to connect with this other person. Connecting after a falling out is never easy. They were wrestling with how to proceed, and the feelings associated with the time that had passed.

As we talked, I explained that sometimes we need to create Moats. Moats are protections for our core relationships. We keep those inside safe, and others are kept at a healthy Distance.

Distance is the natural by-product of a Moat. Those relationships can be good, but they have limits. Those relationships may be “not so good” but the Distance helps you keep your emotions and expectations in perspective.

Those inside are kept healthy and safe (including you).

When discussing how to move forward, we realized that Moats need Drawbridges.

Drawbridges allow us to let people in when needed. Drawbridges allow us to connect with the greater world by making a decision to lower the bridge.

The Moat still exists, but the connection can be made. When the time has passed, the Drawbridge can be raised again, when and if needed.

We all have Moats. The logical by-product of these Moats are Distance.

It is the Drawbridge that helps us manage both.

 

45, 1/2, and 104

Posted on by Carl Weber

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(Image Courtesy of poetsandquantsforexecs.com)

45.

This year marked a pretty significant milestone for me. Forty-Five years I have been roaming around on this planet. I couldn’t help but remember an interview I watched with Will Smith about turning 45.

“I’m 45 right now. Right? And with the state of modern medicine—90, we’re all probably gonna hit 90,” he said. “90’s like a real thing now…So, I was thinking ‘This is halftime.’ Right? So, when you come out for the third quarter, in any sporting event the third quarter’s an important quarter. That’s not the time when you start relaxing and you start chilling. You gotta go get it in the third quarter.” Will Smith

1/2.

Halftime. That means that there is still half of this game left to play. And when you think about the first decade or two in our lives, most of us didn’t really accomplish that much.

That gives us four and a half more decades to accomplish things, finish projects, ship, and make a difference.

I got to hear Jim Collins speak a few years back. He was asked to say a few words at Peter Drucker’s memorial service after he passed away. On one of the tables, all of Mr. Drucker’s books were laid end to end. Jim asked a simple question.

“Show me where in this timeline of books, Peter was 65.”

The answer was simple: 1/3rd through all of his books.

Can you imagine accomplishing 2/3rds of your work after age 65?

104. 

As I finished a long-run with my team yesterday, my running app recorded 104 miles in November. It seemed important that this month, this milestone, and this accomplishment came in the month I turned 45 at the 1/2.

What numbers have made you record and reflect?

I have been thinking a lot about how to finish well in life. Maybe that is what part of the aging process. In the process of reclaiming our lives, and running into our 80’s, it seemed important to record and reflect about these numbers, and get working on the second half.

Imagine what your second half can bring.