Tag: comparison

Page 37 The Muse’s Guide: Comparison

Posted on by Carl Weber

The following is an excerpt from Page 37 of the Muse’s Guide: Your guide to Humans. This little known manual was recently discovered. A copy is provided to each of our Muse’s during their orientation as they wait to be assigned to a Human. This series will reveal some of the insight contained within the dog eared and highlighted pages of the Muse’s Guide.

…you will remember that despite being tough or even confident on the outside, a human’s real battles is within. That Narrator (inner voice) is determined to keep them from creating. Each Human has a creative spark within them. They are designed to bring that creativity into the world. That creativity is continually attacked, but not always directly. The subtlety of each attack depends on your human, but one of the worst attacks is comparison.

A few years ago, there was this one Human. You can look it up, but Stephanie was assigned to this mustached one that became some sort of leader. Teddy something, but that is not important. The key was what he learned from Stephanie about comparison.

“Comparison is the thief of Joy.”

Instead of moving forward in their own journey, humans continually look around and measure themselves against others. This comparison helps steal joy away, especially when they are first getting started.

The Narrator gets really loud. The Narrator seeks out ways to compare your Human to others and conclude that your human should stop, give up, because they are not at valuable as someone else.

A recent example involved James who was assigned to that artist, writer, and potter Annie. Annie has been on our radar for a while now. She is so talented. Her creativity has manifested through various mediums, yet the same things keep getting in the way. Comparison seems to really work on her to stop her from sharing her gifts with others.

We recently found a transcript of the Annie’s Narrator as she was thinking about sharing or even selling some of her recent pottery.

“You are making some progress, but you are not ready to share your work. Look around at Jim’s recent creation, you are not at his level. Maybe you never will be at that level.”

The Narrator starts with some acknowledgment of Annie’s progress, then takes away her confidence and discounts her work.

It gets worse.

“You are pretty good, but look at all these other artists. It is not only Jim, and Alex, and Pam in your class, but these others are so much better than you. Maybe they worked harder, but they appear to have more natural talent than you. You are not ready. You are not good enough.”

The Narrator finds an endless comparison list. As soon as Annie feels confident that her progress matches that first standard, the standard changes again. And again, and again with a never-ending list of comparisons.

Remember, everything fails by an irrelevant standard.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that comparison is a new tactic. It has been happening from the beginning. The new ways your human compares themselves to others are just faster versions and make your job a little more challenging.

Muse Suggestions against Comparison – remember each human is unique so this guide will provide some ideas to help and you may need to try variations to best meet your human’s needs.

Human’s and Self-Worth – Remember that poster in the Muse break room “Human beings, not Human doings” that helps us understand the real issue. Humans forget that they have worth just by being, not by what they do. This connection between what they do or accomplish and how they feel about themselves is strong.

Strong but Wrong.

Remind them of their value.

Remind them of their worth.

Remind them that creating or accomplishing feels good, but those feelings are in addition to feeling good about their own value or worth.

Comparison Triggers – Each Human finds a mix of comparison markers to measure themselves against. Some will be in their actual circles (friends, colleagues, family members) but many of these comparisons are strangers from across the globe. Humans see others from the outside, feel their own inner battle, and forget that other humans also have inner battles.

Remind them to take a break from viewing others.

Remind them that they are not alone when they struggle.

Remind them to be aware of what triggers negative feelings when viewing others.

Remind them that all Humans are racing together, and not against each other.

Being a Muse is not an easy job.

Being a Muse is not about a formula or following steps to solve a problem. Humans are not a problem. Humans are magnificent, strange, creative, complex, weird, temperamental, and insecure.

Your job is to guide, support, inspire, and encourage your Human.

Comparison, tribes, and the right standard

Posted on by Carl Weber

We are born into small tribes. Each tribe has its own rules, and its own standards. These standards shape the tribe, and set expectations of the members. These standards aren’t usually written down, but they shape who we are and who we become.

Tribes like it when we follow the standards. When we don’t follow, we are compared to those standards and found lacking. When we try to follow new, different, or better standards, the tribe reacts harshly by enforcing the old standards. The comparison continues, we feel “less than” and out-of-place.

But our original tribe is not the only tribe we have. We find and join other tribes as we progress through life and we develop relationships along the way. But these new tribes have standards as well.

The tribe comparison continues and there are more and more standards to be measured against.

But many times we are different. We don’t seem to fit exactly within the tribes, both the original one, and the new ones. We used to fit in the tribe, but something happens when we start to grow, make progress or improve. We start to move beyond the standards of the old tribe, and many tribes feel progress as a threat and they enforce the old standard.

Sometimes the standard enforcement comes as questions. But they are not really questions, they are an attempt to enforce the standards of the Tribe.

“Why are you different?”

“Who do you think you are?”

“Do you think you are better than us?”

“Why are you eating (or not eating) that?”

“Why are you not drinking?”

“Why are you considering college?”

“Why are you asking so many questions?”

“Why are you setting those goals?”

“Why aren’t you just happy with what you have?”

“Why would you go back to school?”

Your improvement can be seen a judgement or enforcing a standard on them, and that makes the tribe very insecure.

These tribes and standards also develop in our workplaces. There are standards to meet, and new-comers are expected to keep their head down, and follow along. Any lack of conformity is met with the standard tribe messaging.

“This is the way we have always done it.”

“We have tried that before.”

“Those new ideas won’t go anywhere.”

“Don’t make waves.”

But in our workplaces, we still want to achieve, to grow, and develop so we try new and creative approaches. That is when the tribe may go on the offensive to shut us down. Again our efforts invoke tribe insecurity.

“He is always changing things, it wastes our time.”

“She spends so much time on how it looks, it makes our stuff look bad.”

“He should just focus on his job, and stay in his lane.”

“She is an annoying perfectionist overachiever.”*

*Note: This was actually said yesterday in a meeting. Tribe insecurity and enforcement of standards is real and can be raw in its application and cause ripple effects in our organizations and cause harm to our most talented people. If you listen, you can hear the tribe standards being applied in meetings and conversations designed to shame and quell initiative and achievement.

(Take a minute and let that last one sink in. Imagine that you were in a group meeting in your organization, and just before you shared with the group, those words were used against you. How do you feel? How is your motivation? How is your creativity? How is your connection to the organization?)

It makes sense that the original tribe might act this way, but even these new tribes don’t like rebels. So the tribes begin to compare us to the standard, and we compare ourselves to that standard.

When we compare ourselves or others compare us to some standard that we are not meeting, we may assume there is something wrong with us, and we try harder to fit in.

But what if the tribe standard is wrong?

Tribes do not like it when you question the standard.

So the comparison against the tribe’s standard continues.

We feel like we are wrong-sized, that we don’t fit, and maybe there is something wrong with us.

But maybe the tribe we were born into, or the tribes we find ourselves in as just simply the wrong tribes for us. Maybe we are not the problem.

We need to find the tribes, filled with people who are more consistent with where we are and where we are going.

Too healthy? Not for the healthy tribes.

Too intellectual? Not for the intellectual tribes.

Too strong? Not for the strong tribes.

Too creative? Not for the creative tribes.

Too driven? Not for the driven tribes.

Too emotional? Not for the emotional tribes.

Maybe comparing ourselves to lessor things, lessor tribe standards, is what makes us feel inadequate or wrong-sized.

Maybe we are not wrong.

Maybe when we find the right tribes, we find the right standards and we can just be ourselves.

Gift Appreciation Mode

Posted on by Carl Weber

Comparison.

Comparison is a thing I do.

Comparison happens when I interact with you and cannot help but observe how smart, funny, insightful, amazing, determined, gifted, and completely awesome you are, and then measure this against myself and find a deficit.

This comparison deficit transforms itself into insecurity.

This insecurity finds ways to interfere with other aspects of life, including my relationship with you.

But during a recent conversation with a friend, I discovered a better option.

What if I just started to look at your smart, insightful, amazing, determined, and completely awesomeness as a gift?

A gift that you have to bring into the world and make it a better place.

What if I just spent the next few weeks or months in Gift Appreciation Mode?

Would Gift Appreciation Mode help rewire how my brain works?

Gift Appreciation Mode would allow me to just watch your smart, insightful, amazing, determined, and completely awesomeness, and instead of comparing or judging, I would just sit and appreciate it, like a fine work of art.

Gift Appreciation Mode could act like a ticket to the best museum of awesomeness around me, and all I have to do is walk around, view the exhibits, and appreciate those gifts for the beauty they bring into the world.

Comparison is harmful.

Gift Appreciation Mode brings healing.

Comparison excludes and separates.

Gift Appreciation Mode opens and connects.

I hope the Gift Appreciation Mode museum of awesomeness has a gift shop at the end, or at least one of those cool audio tours. I wonder who we could get to do the voice…

The Perfection Perception

Posted on by Carl Weber

“Wow you have such a perfect job.”

“Your life is perfect.”

“Your [relationship, marriage, kids, world, career, friendships, family, neighborhood, choices…and the list goes on] is so perfect.”

The Perfection Perception catches a glimpse from the outside.

The Perfection Perception sees you at your best.

The Perfection Perception creates comparison.

But this is a distorted view.

The Perfection Perception doesn’t see the mess inside.

The Perfection Perception doesn’t see your doubt, worry, stress, and struggle.

The Perfection Perception doesn’t see the hard work, the failure, and the loss.

Beware of the Perfection Perception, it is a cloudy lens that creates separation and unnecessary comparison.