Tag: negativity

But I am not that way with YOU!

Posted on by Carl Weber

What we say matters.  How we interact with others matters.  Lately there has been a pattern in many conversations that almost went unnoticed until someone close to me pointed it out.  I call this pattern the unintentional high standard.

A quick definition is in order.  The unintentional high standard is when someone describes their expectation of something or someone else then proceeds to discuss how that other person or thing is not meeting that standard.  This can be in the form of a rant, complaint, or sometimes a tirade.

“I cannot believe that [insert name here] has not called me more often.  I feel like this relationship is one-sided.”

“Did you see the dish they brought to the party, did they even try?”

“I cannot believe [insert spouse or significant other here] wasn’t more [pick one: caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, excited, interested, engaged] about [insert topic here].”

At some point in one of these interactions while you are simply the bystander or listener, you begin to wonder how often this person says the same things about you to others.  If they are holding up this standard for others, even if unintentional, they must be holding this standard against you too.  Maybe you even dare to ask.

“So, is this the way you feel about me?  When I don’t call as often, or brought that crappy side dish to the party?”

“No, I am just ranting, but I am not that way with You!”

Really?  Are you the one exception to this high standard?  Do you get a pass that the rest of the universe doesn’t receive?  And how does it feel to be around someone who is always pointing out where others are not meeting the mark?

For the next week or so, spend a little time listening and see how often we all create these unintentional high standards.  Maybe we should do a little less ranting and a little less complaining.  I pointed this out to someone recently, and the saddest part was they didn’t even realize they were doing it.

A New Year, a New Challenge

Posted on by Carl Weber

Wow, another year has passed.  Another year is before us.  How strange is it that we as a species track time the way we do.  The last time I checked, the squirrel in my yard may have a concept of seasonal changes, but there was no day-timer sticking out of his back pocket.  I cannot remember a time when a giraffe was wearing a wrist watch.  Do they even have wrists?

Tracking time gives us an interesting opportunity.  The calendar resets each year and as the prior year fades away, we can challenge ourselves to achieve something, do something, or be something different.

Beyond goal setting or finding your sentence, how about a different challenge?  A challenge we can all try together and see what we can collectively do to make this world a better place.

The 2012 Collective Challenge

1.  Try not to watch, listen to, or read the news for the next 30 days.  The news cycle is interesting.  In order to entice us to keep reading, it portrays events in catastrophic and negative terms (the world, economy, life, society, or whatever is horrible, on the brink of disaster, the worst in a generation…) and tends to criticize everyone and everything along the way.  Being happy and having a positive outlook on life for the upcoming year becomes hard if you constantly hear how bad things are out there.

2.  Randomly help someone who is outside of your circle in a generous way. Why not surprise someone in this world with an act of kindness or generosity that helps restore their view of the world as well.  Outside of your circle means either a stranger or someone who you don’t regularly connect with.  It is easy to help someone close to you, because they may help you back, but helping strangers is much more selfless.  A few ideas: You could pay for someone’s gas at the pump, pay for some groceries, or send 40 bucks to a random address.

3.  Dream Big.  What is that thing, that idea, that amazing thing that is brewing inside you?  Write that sucker down!  Leave the fear back in 2011, it doesn’t belong in this new year.   “The only thing we have to fear…is fear itself” may help you, but I have a better one.

“The only thing to fear is snakes.  If it is not a snake ignore it!”

If you want to participate, let me know.  Leave a comment, and encourage everyone here to try this.  Post comments as the month progresses.  Let us know about how you feel without the negativity of the news cycle, the creative way you helped someone else, and the progress towards your dream for this year.

Thanks for being part of this community, and together we can change the world.