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Work. Sometimes it can feel as if life is passing you as each day blends into the next. I was talking about this a lot with a friend when two events happened.
1. We got to participate in a creative event where people are encouraged to use their creativity.
2. An invitation came to do a talk on work life balance.
The enclosed video was the result. I hope you enjoy it.
Credits:
Photos (all the good ones): Iain Young
Song: Work, by Jars of Clay
I was meeting with someone the other day to help them understand who they are behaviorally. A lot of what I do is helping people with their journey in life and work and how their particular behavioral style works for them (the good news) and how it doesn’t (the bad news).
Coffee shops and bookstores with coffee shops are a great venue to deliver such news. For no other reason, both options provide a great opportunity to people-watch while waiting for the other person to arrive. The other fun thing about these public places is how often those around us appear to be so engaged with our conversations about how and why we live, work and communicate that they cannot help but eavesdrop.
During meetings with people I ask a lot of questions.
“How has your style become a barrier at work?”
“When was the time your style really worked for you?”
“How do others perceive you?”
During this particular meeting as we sipped lattes in that bookstore, another question came to mind. Well, a lot of questions always do during meeting like this, but one kept bubbling up inside my head and I couldn’t shake it. As I listened and heard more and more about how busy life for this person can be, I had to ask it.
“When was the last time you had a few moments for yourself?”
“What do you mean?”
“When have you ever stopped scheduling things for everyone else, and just went to a bookstore like this and just walked around?”
“Never.”
How often do you have a few moments for yourself? If you are like most of the people I talk to…not very often. Life is full of our work and managing our lives. At the end of the day, you can lose yourself and the things you would like to do. Maybe I think about this more because I am now half way through this life. Between a pretty demanding job, a family, and a lawn that always seems to need mowing, time can just simply slip away.
It is ironic that someone will schedule time with me at one of these places, even if they won’t schedule time for themselves…at the same places. It is tragic how many times everything else dominates our schedules leaving no time for us.
As our bookstore meeting was winding down, I couldn’t help myself. I had to return to the matter at hand.
“So, we are already in a bookstore. I am leaving. You could take the next hour or so for yourself and just wander around.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
And they did. I got an email a few days later describing how wonderful it was. Life can be busy, especially when your job and situation requires you to constantly serve and coordinate everyone else. What does your schedule look like? Does your name appear on it?
Take a few moments for yourself. Put YOU on your schedule.
You are worth it.
Are you tired? If you are anything like anyone I know, you are tired. You are not alone. Everyone is Tired. I was recently listening to a podcast by Ruth Haley Barton and she mentioned a “tired continuum” as a way to measure how tired we are. While explaining this to my graphics friend she came up with this illustration.
(I like that it looks like a gas gauge.)
In describing this continuum, Ruth mentioned that we should be operating somewhere between “healthy tired” (after a job well done) and being replenished and refreshed from real rest.
Unfortunately, most of us operate somewhere below “healthy tired” and a lot closer to “dangerously tired.”
Being in a continual state of exhaustion impacts our work, our lives, and those around us. It has become too easy to tough it out, have that fourth cup of coffee, and ignore how tired we really feel.
When we are exhausted, our ability to regulate our own emotional state becomes next to impossible. Someone called me out on this recently.
“Your emotional buffer is almost non-existent today.”
“What do you mean?”
“You appear to be overreacting to just about everything.”
So, my question to you today is a simple one. How tired are you? Are you masking or ignoring the signs of being beyond healthy tired and running on empty? Are those around you, at work or home, or elsewhere getting you at your best? Or just the burned out shell of yourself?
Do yourself and those around you a favor: REST!
Seriously. Go take a nap or something.
Recently while talking to a friend about work/life balance and trying to make small changes in our lives, we talked about writing. I asked how the writing was going and this friend described the traditional process.
“In the past, I would typically write every few months or so, and attempt to write a novel in a weekend.”
“How did that work out?”
“It was crap.”
As we talked, I thought about how most of my life mirrors this process. Life is busy. There are things I would like to do, they build up, and then I try to do it all in a weekend.
The result: crap.
My friend described a new process. Write each day for 5 minutes. Don’t try to write a novel. Just write. If you skip a day, the next day is not 10 minutes, each day the clock resets: just 5 minutes. This small decision each day is not overwhelming, but begins to create a regular outlet. A pattern. A new way of living.
I began to think about how simple yet effective this approach can be, especially when trying to manage our busy lives. Do you need to spend more time with someone, spend time quietly reflecting, or [insert your particular thing here]? Why not start with 5 minutes a day.
Recently I got an update.
“I am up to 18 minutes a day. Some days I skip, but now I look forward to writing.”
“How is the writing going?
“Still mostly crap, but sometimes there is some good stuff in there.”
The result: only mostly crap, with some good stuff. Now that is progress! When we talked the other week, the 18 minutes has grown to 23 minutes. You could start today, take your 5 minutes and do something you have been meaning to do. Tomorrow try it again, and the next day, and the next day. You may just find some good stuff in there.
P.S. It was this friend and this process that got me to stop dreaming about it and actually write this blog. Thanks.
I recently had the privilege of hearing Rebecca Ryan speak at a conference. She started her talk with this video and it gave me hope, and I had to share it. You can check out her work at her website.
http://www.nextgenerationconsulting.com
Rebecca if you ever read this, Thank You for making such an impact in our lives, and our communities.
[This will be one of many posts on Work Life Balance]
My youngest daughter (someday she may read this stuff and laugh) had an assignment a few years back in kindergarten to write about one of her parents. She picked me. The form that the teacher provided had certain questions to answer:
1. My Dad’s name is: Carl Weber (Weird when your kids say or use your whole name.)
2. How old is your Dad? 89 (I was 39 at the time, so at least she got the 9 right, and I looked pretty good for a 89-year-old.)
3. How much does your Dad weigh? 200 lbs (Before I comment on her accuracy, what teacher wants to know this? She was pretty much within a pound at the time…rats.)
4. My Dad likes to: Check his email
There it was…in black and white, or actually crayon. Dad likes to check his email. I could make excuses. I could blame a demanding job, a busy life, and my attempts to provide a better life for her, but my actions spoke louder than any words.
I stepped back to reflect on how often I was checking the phone or sitting at the computer in a state of distraction trying to get more work accomplished. Balancing work and life is more than just working while at home, or checking email on your phone while in the presence of your family. Shortly after this project, during a conversation in the dining room (while I was on the computer) she said words that still haunt me:
“Daddy, I want you to listen with your face!”
Where are you out of balance? Who or what needs your attention, your focus, your face? I am beginning to walk out this journey of balancing work and life, but it is not easy. Creating boundaries has helped, but more on that later. Is it working? Only time will tell.
Recently she had another project to write about me again. This time the result was different. Here is what she wrote…
1. My Dad doesn’t like it when: He Does Not Win!
Carl Weber Consulting 